bf wants to have rough sex

We've been together for two years now. Recently he started talking about marriage and kind of pressuring me to do stuff in order for us to get married (at least that's what I think).
Most of the time we only do missionary/mating press (it's very similar but I have to hold my legs a little higher) with lots of kissing, and it is definitely my preferred way of having sex, I always get to finish in this position. But over the past year he started talking more and more about his fetishes. I was a virgin until we met but he has some experience with BDSM. At first he said he does not want to do that stuff with me, and I obviously did not want it either. However recently he started saying things like
>anon I can't keep having the same sex for the rest of my life, we need to try more things.
When I ask him about what he wants to do in detail it's always rough stuff I do not want to do (like slapping, tying up, choking). Should I indulge him once just to see how it's like? I honestly do not want to do any of that, I understand one position might get a little boring, but I feel like when you love a person you don't get bored of feeling good together in a familiar way. Any advice from anons in long-term relationships?

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There is variation that is possible without rough sex. Do you ever get on top, straddling him? Do you ever have sex doggy style? Oral?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yes to both, but very very rarely. We have sex every day, but only do oral when I'm on my period, and other positions maybe once a month or every two months. It's stupid but I can't finish unless I can kiss him a lot and it's hard to do in other positions.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >but only do oral when I'm on my period
        I hope you do him because otherwise that is fricking nasty lol

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You have basically zero experience with different positions. You're short changing yourself hun.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Should I indulge him once just to see how it's like?
      Absolutely not. No one should *ever* try to pressure someone into doing something sexual that they don't want to do. *Suggesting* something is fine; asking for something is fine; but putting pressure on someone after they've already said no is never okay. You need to put your foot down and make it clear this is not something you will ever be okay with, and that if that's a problem for him, he needs to leave.

      Now, having said that, as this anon points out, you might find there are other ways you could spice things up a bit without resorting to BDSM or rough sex, and it's possible you might find those either pleasant, or at least pleasant enough that you don't mind doing them sometimes, even if it means you have to jerk off afterwards to come. That kind of thing I would try to keep a bit more of an open mind about. There's a big difference between things you hate and things you don't mind. The latter category is worth looking into.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Thank you for the insightful reply. Your second paragraph especially really made me think. To start off I will bring up different positions with him. Honestly, it's not like I go "honey, it's 4 o'clock, time for our daily missionary". He puts me in that position himself, even when I start off at the top or with my back turned to him. He obviously knows that it feels best for me, so maybe that's why he does it. I exercised quite a bit to get better at being on top, but even when I go fast he flips me over.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Thank you for the insightful reply
          You're welcome.

          For the record, I'm a man with quite extensive experience of BDSM, including some stuff I'm sure people round here would consider degenerate or shocking. It's a very wide-ranging phenomenon, and many activities that would be considered BDSM are not painful.

          However, BDSM proper is based on the principle "Safe, Sane, and Consensual". Even the most extreme BDSM dom or top has an *absolute* responsibility to the sub/bottom to ensure that what they're doing is safe; and also to ensure to ensure that they are not doing "anything* the sub/bottom isn't comfortable with. There's a whole range of procedures designed to ensure that the sub is comfortable: for example, you negotiate things beforehand, not in the middle of play; you give the sub the chance to raise any questions or doubts; you discuss whatever you need to; some people even have written lists of what is or is not okay. And even an extreme sub has limits, and those limits must always be respected.

          Some forms of BDSM do involve pain. But that's because some people who do BDSM *enjoy* pain. It gives them pleasure, turns them on, makes them feel high. Some BDSM people are so turned on by serving and obeying that they're willing to do almost anything their partner wants just because they want it. That's fine. But no one involved in BDSM does stuff they don't want and don't like. That's absolute.

          So, two observations about your bf. First:

          >anon I can't keep having the same sex for the rest of my life, we need to try more things.

          This is BULLSHIT. This is him pressuring you into doing stuff you haven't consented to. Any true BDSM enthusiast would find this repellent.

          The other thing is that strangulation is just about the most extreme and the most dangerous form of BDSM there is. I can almost guarantee your boyfriend doesn't know how to do it safely. The thought of an amateur strangling someone is terrifying. Don't do it.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It’s the sort of thing that should be enjoyable to both parties and should involve enthusiastic consent. The fact he’s pressuring you is a sign he doesn’t actually care about your enjoyment or pleasure.
            I dominate my boyfriend but always ask for what he is comfortable with and if I were to genuinely cross his boundaries and do something that turned him off it would feel like shit. And him having boundaries doesn’t give mean I should be able to cheat with someone who will let me do those things. Being a dom/domme isn’t free pass to being an butthole.

            Most important post itt

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Dating Chad has its consequences

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >I was a virgin until we met but he has some experience with BDSM
    Yikes. I would NOT marry someone who disrespects you, uses you as an object, and tries to infect you with their mental illness. Big red flag.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      she doesn't even know what a red flag is.
      Poor girl is gonna suffer.
      There's like a million creepy weirdos that have more money and would worship her feet. But basically this

      Dating Chad has its consequences

      There is variation that is possible without rough sex. Do you ever get on top, straddling him? Do you ever have sex doggy style? Oral?

      that's obviously not going to satisfy someone that wants to beat up and commit violence against their partner. He's just gonna say he's bored after a while. No one normal brings up BDSM so soon until it's a wicked desire of theirs.
      Maybe a long time married couple trying to spice things up and bing a bit silly even then it's just a milquetoast imitation of a sick perversion.

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yikes. What does he have going for him to put up with getting choked and slapped?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I mean he is a great bf otherwise, he is very cute and puts up with my autistic interests. He did a lot of things for me and helps me every day. I wanna do stuff that makes him happy too, but man getting choked or spanked doesn't sound great.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yes to both, but very very rarely. We have sex every day, but only do oral when I'm on my period, and other positions maybe once a month or every two months. It's stupid but I can't finish unless I can kiss him a lot and it's hard to do in other positions.

        Not sure if troll thread, but at the very least add some variety in positions more often.

        With that said, there are some possible outcomes:
        1. You let him do it, he likes that you gave him some control and does it rarely.
        2. You let him do it, he keeps escalating.
        3. You don't let him do it, he cheats on you or leaves you.
        4. #3, but he resents you.
        5. #3 but he eventually gets over it.

        Honestly not sure which is most likely, probably #3. You seem intolerable from the picture you posted.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I hate how you only post options where he's the sole actor and she has to undergo his resolution to the whole situation. She's actually allowed to act not just now by refusing but at every step. She does need to wait for the outcome.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >I feel like when you love a person you don't get bored of feeling good together in a familiar way
    doesnt work like that

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you sound like a very selfish person, at least try it out or allow your boyfriend to experience it with other women

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >let your boyfriend cheat
      No thanks. What a deranged reply.

      I'm not in a long term relationship, so I don't know if you value my advice. But I'll give it anyways and you can decide what you make of it.

      See, I'm a softy in general, I like nice things, like warm cuddles, hot choco and words of affirmation. Under absolutely no circumstances would I appreciate slapping or choking, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end and I can't imagine doing it to someone else either. Since I'm not currently under any kind of love spell I think I can safely say that if someone expected it from me that person would not be my person. So I advice you to really think it through and speak your mind, only you can stand up for what you believe in in this relationship. Godspeed anon!

      Thank you anon! My boyfriend is a really sweet person too, he is so caring and romantic! I did not convey it properly. It's just this one thing...

      I'm not in a long term relationship, so I don't know if you value my advice. But I'll give it anyways and you can decide what you make of it.

      See, I'm a softy in general, I like nice things, like warm cuddles, hot choco and words of affirmation. Under absolutely no circumstances would I appreciate slapping or choking, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end and I can't imagine doing it to someone else either. Since I'm not currently under any kind of love spell I think I can safely say that if someone expected it from me that person would not be my person. So I advice you to really think it through and speak your mind, only you can stand up for what you believe in in this relationship. Godspeed anon!

      Welp you are kinda right, I am unfortunately an insufferable autist, but he never held that against me, so I feel like I should try doing something very out of my comfort zone for him too. I am mostly looking for anyone here who has had experience with trying bdsm stuff in their long-term relationship. I want to find out if it's extremely painful or generally something a person with normal pain tolerance can endure.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >insufferable autist
        Anon, I don't care whether you're autic or not, you are allowed to have preferences and don't need to bend over backwards to compensate for you autism. Please stop feeling "lesser than".

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yes to both, but very very rarely. We have sex every day, but only do oral when I'm on my period, and other positions maybe once a month or every two months. It's stupid but I can't finish unless I can kiss him a lot and it's hard to do in other positions.

        Hi Anon. I'd be happy to talk you through this a bit if you're still around and responsive.

        Briefly, I'll say that you should absolutely start with some variation in vanilla aspects. He's likely getting a bit carried away in his fantasies, and it's possible that he could be satisfied if you two were a bit more creative and playful in normie sex. I might be over-simplifying in my interpretation of your sex life, but if I'm understanding you correctly, you frankly are having extremely boring sex.

        I'm a woman who used to have BDSM tendencies and now I have a vanilla bf. We ended up putting aside most BDSM things and have a vanilla (but varied) sex life. I'll admit that it's a different scenario since I'm a sub, so appealing to my bf holds a higher value to me than a Dom might have.

        I tell you some of the ways we keep things interesting if you're around to hear it.

        >I want to find out if it's extremely painful or generally something a person with normal pain tolerance can endure.
        If you're not around now and you come back to this later:
        I want to emphasize that BDSM DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PAINFUL.

        You should NOT be starting with pain-related fetishes when you two are only beginning to figure out how to compromise. If he suggests you should start with pain, PLEASE advocate for yourself and insist on starting extremely slow. You should also discuss how to communicate when you're feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed, nervous, or in pain during the moment. Discuss how to communicate "let's slow down" instead of "let's stop" since I know it can be hard to hit the red button to shut everything down

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Thank you anon, I appreciate your perspective very much! Can I ask what sorts of activities involve less pain? And your reply gave me a lot of hope, so thank you again, I will save it for future reference.

          The fact that you've been with this guy for 2 years and instead of a marriage proposal, you're getting pressured into BDSM, is such a red flag.

          Lol I know, and I feel bad about it too. I never bring up marriage myself but lately he goes
          >I want to marry you but we need to try more things in the bedroom
          every other day. It is kind of mean...

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Thank you anon, I appreciate your perspective very much! Can I ask what sorts of activities involve less pain? And your reply gave me a lot of hope, so thank you again, I will save it for future reference.
            You're welcome! I'm so glad to help. Sometimes it can be disheartening when I put effort in and an OP abandons the thread.

            Ideas:
            >Picking you up and tossing you onto the bed
            >Holding you down
            >Lightly tying your hands (in such a way that you could get out easily if you tried)
            >Directions/commands (eg "Flip over" "Get on your knees" "Spread your legs")
            >Being sexual when you're doing other things or simply in different rooms (With either of you initiating, he may find one or the other more appealing. Scenarios: while in the kitchen, while watching tv/playing games, getting dressed etc)
            >More blowjobs (NOT facefricking)
            >Holding the back of your neck to pull you in to kiss

            You can always do these things and still end in missionary/press, or at least add it in at some point.
            At its most simplest, I suggest trying to change where you do missionary, even just to different spots on the bed.

            Don't forget, you should be having FUN. If any of these things make you feel scared and that fear isn't adding to your fun, then you shouldn't be doing it. If he doesn't think that is important, you should be reconsidering whether you can trust this guy.

            Even when we did BDSM, I am not a girl interested in non-consent play. When I'm held down, it's willingly. When I'm tossed on the bed, I'm delighted. When he gropes me in the kitchen, I lean into his touch. If I shrink back, push back, or protest in any way, my bf immediately backs off.

            But also:
            >Lol I know, and I feel bad about it too. I never bring up marriage myself but lately he goes
            >>I want to marry you but we need to try more things in the bedroom
            >every other day. It is kind of mean...
            I do not like this one bit. Even if it seems that it's coming from a misguided ignorance, please be cautious.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I've been in a similar position before. Didn't want to do it but felt like I should at least try it for his sake. Tried it, hated it and expressed this clearly to him, saying that I didn't want that stuff done to me anymore. You know what happened? He kept doing it anyways, which at that point was just assault because it was not consensual. So my advice is to not even try it. You give them an inch and they take a mile, they think that you being willing to try it once means they can then do whatever they want to you forever even if you say not to do it anymore. It is not worth the risk and the pain from being hurt by someone who is supposed to care about you. Knowing what I know now, I would honestly say dump this guy.

      It's not selfish for a woman to not want to be beaten or strangled by men. If a woman is clearly unenthusiastic or uncomfortable with doing that kind of thing, the man should drop it immediately because if he actually cares about her then he would value her comfort and safety.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I am sorry to hear that anon, the assault part sounds horrific. Honestly, I've known my bf for two years, and I don't think he is the kind of person to escalate things/do sexual acts without my consent. But hearing about your experience is worrying. I hope you are doing better now.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          The fact that you've been with this guy for 2 years and instead of a marriage proposal, you're getting pressured into BDSM, is such a red flag.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >It's not selfish for a woman to not want to be beaten or strangled by men
        you are dishonest and moronic

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          kys subhuman

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        you stupid shit men are constantly holding themselves back from hurting women we are superman to your fricking disabled asses if we wanted to hurt you you'd be dead in seconds he just wants to have some naughty sex

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      degenerate detected, do not poison OP with your brain worms

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I'm not in a long term relationship, so I don't know if you value my advice. But I'll give it anyways and you can decide what you make of it.

    See, I'm a softy in general, I like nice things, like warm cuddles, hot choco and words of affirmation. Under absolutely no circumstances would I appreciate slapping or choking, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end and I can't imagine doing it to someone else either. Since I'm not currently under any kind of love spell I think I can safely say that if someone expected it from me that person would not be my person. So I advice you to really think it through and speak your mind, only you can stand up for what you believe in in this relationship. Godspeed anon!

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >You seem intolerable from the picture you posted
    this lol it screams insentience and an annoying personality to me

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    BDSM has got to be one of the most cringe fetishes for weak men
    if you wanna frick hard and rough just be a man and go full force with some crazy minecraft piston + end rod action.
    sorry but you're dating an infantile man. You should probably leave him, I mean he's kind of being a baby refusing to compromise and you just know if you force him to compromise he will be obviously unhappy.
    He was just a start bf no big deal not like you blew your vag out riding a wiener carousel, second time is the charm.
    You see a cool strong man like me doesn't need gay bondage straps cause my whole body is a powerful sex machine and my strong arms beat any dinky ropes or straps. You need a strong guy that could pick you up and frick you like a doll on a whim and split you like a log. You should try the gym or the park. Where did you mean this weirdo freak anyways?
    trust me the last thing you want to do is explain to people why you have bite marks or bruises or a black eye.
    I don't get guys and gals that play around with the hitting stuff. Rough sex shouldn't be mixed with violence. Violence is a very serious thing especially for a man. For men when a situation is elevated to violence is a matter of life and death that ought not be trifled with or used for sexual fetish. I hate violence because violence is never mutual or fun, it's always is the gateway towards grave injury and death.
    You know people can have different sex. I prefer from the back because I have a fear of intimacy, and sometimes I like to be a bit of a sex animal along the way. But there is something mentally unwell about someone that wants to hurt or be hurt by others.
    Do what you want though, not my problem. When you end up in the "dead moron" section of the paper I wont care.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      cringy reddit white knight arrives to the scene

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Woah no way. I don't want to have sex with OP. Last time I messed around with a NSFFW girl I was the one tied up and being molested and abused.
        No way never again.

        I appreciate your sentiment but my bf is not weak or immature. I agree the bdsm stuff probably comes from porn and he would not have that fetish with no outside influence, but oh well.

        Hey it's not my problem, it's yours. But you can't say no one warned you.
        And to fully assume the cringe reddit persona: my little kitten's gonna get hurt
        pic rel is literally me right now

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I appreciate your sentiment but my bf is not weak or immature. I agree the bdsm stuff probably comes from porn and he would not have that fetish with no outside influence, but oh well.

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >having sex outside of marriage
    >knowingly dating a manprostitute
    I feel slightly bad for you, but you signed up for this.

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    why are you here, kys

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    First rule of sex:

    Never do ANYTHING unless both parties are equally enthusiastic.

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I thought I wanted to eat chipotle burritos all the time a month ago after about 3 burritos I stopped wanting them people are stupid indulge him a few times and he'll get bored really fast

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    my best advice to you is give it a try if you want but discuss boundaries. communication is important, i cant stress this enough, if he hurts you but he thinks its just "rough sex" then youll both have a problem. he shouldnt throw you around like an object, nor should be do things that clearly make you uncomfortable. theres different ways to be rough than just getting into bdsm, it doesnt need to be that. even then, go ahead and test the waters, but if you dont like it definitely tell him.

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