Can someone help me understand the rationale of someone who stays in an extremely toxic relationship?

Can someone help me understand the rationale of someone who stays in an extremely toxic relationship? Its like watching someone stand on hot coals, complain about the pain, but never step off of it.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    i would but unfortunately you self inserted as a fat mulatto

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      thats ice spice you cretin, show some respect to the queen.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Women really like buttholes

        Ice Spice is disgusting and her music is shit

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          typical chud cookie cutter opinions. how does it feel to be completely unoriginal?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >t. homosexual

            >Worshipping Black folk
            Kek

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            ironic shitposting is still shitposting

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >t. homosexual

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Your opinions are shit and moronic, no hope for you - kys

          You dont even know its a woman - stupid moronic slug brained homosexual

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    From experience, one of the below is usually in play
    >the [one of “emotional side” or “sex”] is pretty great, if it wasn’t for [bullshit that never goes away on the other side] things would be wonderful
    >I really don’t want to start from scratch right now, and I think I could potentially still right the ship
    >Things are swingy: the good times are SO good, they maybe justify putting up with the bad shit
    >It’s not like other people don’t ALSO have problems, finding someone new might just be me throwing away something good because I wanted something perfect

    Usually the thing that breaks me out is they finally do something that makes me say
    >okay pretty much regardless of my opinion, shit’s SO fricked that even picking at random or reverting to “nothing”, I’m pretty sure I’d come out ahead.

    And people pointing out moments like that to me was typically the most effective way to snap me out of it.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      are swingy: the good times are SO good, they maybe justify putting up with the bad shit
      >>It’s not like other people don’t ALSO have problems, finding someone new might just be me throwing away something good because I wanted something perfect
      That's the part that I don't understand, because if someone does me wrong in a significant way it instantly outweighs any good in my eyes.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        > if someone does me wrong in a significant way it instantly outweighs any good in my eyes.
        I don’t buy even YOU believe that unless you dump everyone the instant they do something wrong.

        The actual thing you’re probably looking for when someone you love wronged you in some way is
        >they know they did, they give an earnest apology, they stop doing the bad thing and change their behavior, and take corrective action to make you whole and “make it up”.

        The only difference is in scale and degree, not kind - the scale of the wrong being forgiven is much greater, and the scale of the make-up is much greater. All relationships are on a spectrum of this push-pull, the toxicity is when the pushes aren’t consistently making up for the pulls.

        Plus, the swings can be WILD, they make normal relationships feel fricking boring after you get used to them. She cheats on you behind your back for months with your “best friend”, slices your clothes up with a knife, and keys your car, but then gives a really good apology, deletes his contact, deletes her facebook account, burns her diary, and throws you an $1,000 concerts-and-drugs-and-sex frickfest and threesome with her and her bi friend. Did it make up? I don’t know, but I know the peaks were WAY higher than what I get in “less toxic” relationships even if the valleys were life-ruiningly miserable.

        I feel stuff like this is, at its core, the same genre as smaller “bad” shit that happen in normal relationships like
        >she forgot to invite you to lunch with some old best-friend you wanted to meet, so she apologizes and buys you some nice whiskey and has a comfy night in with you.
        Just multiplied by 10000x in both directions.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >I don’t buy even YOU believe that unless you dump everyone the instant they do something wrong.
          lol you don't know me. I stopped interacting with my 4 year old niece because she's a poorly raised brat who thought she could disrespect me without consequence. Now I'm not saying I'll cut anyone off over one argument or disagreement, but blatant disrespect is a big no no for me. Intent to harm is key, which is when you insult someone to hurt their feelings or strike them or break something of there's.

          Some might say I'm too quick to cut people off, but I simply don't understand why its so hard not to hurt other people, so when people do it to me I feel like I must act before it gets out of control.

          >She cheats on you behind your back for months with your “best friend”, slices your clothes up with a knife, and keys your car

          This is what I mean. These aren't mistakes or rare lapses in judgement, its pure intent to cause damage and harm, the acts of an enemy. Nice gestures afterwards can in no way make up for that, and in reality only serve to reset you back into position to be hurt again.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >Now I'm not saying I'll cut anyone off over one argument or disagreement, but blatant disrespect is a big no no for me. Intent to harm is key
            We agree, I’m just saying you’ve got a lower tolerance threshold than I did on “blatant disrespect” and what constitutes “intent to harm”.

            >these aren’t mistakes, its pure intent to cause damage and harm
            Don’t be so confident. Someone with very big and unrestrained emotions who acts very capriciously can do things that, to them, are not done from a disrespectful place or with harmful intent, but from living in the moment or succumbing to natural urges. You wouldn’t call a bodybuilder who needs 10,000 calories a day a lardass who’s out of control, as they exist far outside of the normal constraints of need and desire that others operate in, if you tried to feed them with equal portions to your own, they would necessarily need to find other food. In the same way, there are sexually voracious semen demon women who will ruin every subsequent sexual relationship you will ever have because they’re SO good and know every weak spot in your brain and how to push them all at once to orgasm, but even fricking them twice a day to orgasm would not enough to satisfy them. It’s okay to feel
            >I want someone who keeps their actions and reactions in the range of standard human experience
            but toxic relationships and these kinds of massive-in-normal-relationship wrongs happen often when you want relationships that are larger than life with larger than life people. You select for traits far off from the norm, you get abnormal far from normal people. That’s the trade.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >Someone with very big and unrestrained emotions who acts very capriciously can do things that, to them, are not done from a disrespectful place or with harmful intent, but from living in the moment or succumbing to natural urges.
            "To them", nothing they do is wrong and apologies are just a means to an end. Certainly lack of emotional control is an element, but even when that is the case its no excuse to take action that causes the other person pain.

            Even if we gave them the benefit of the doubt, if that lack of emotional control is real, what happens when you have children and she "unintentionally" causes them harm due to that same lack of control? Its easy to rationalize the abuse when you've accepted the high and lows, but do your kids deserve that?

            My friend's crazy girl will literally try to get him fired from his job just to hurt him even though he is the primary provider paying the bills that keep a roof over their heads. You are nothing less than crazy or a fool if you don't eliminate these types of people from your life at the first sign of trouble.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Usually people like that aren't actually happy being alone due to prior issues, so they figure that being in any relationship is better than being alone.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Its like this.
    I'm really really really hungry. I have two choices, I cab eat some moldy bread, or I can eat nothing.
    If I eat the moldy bread, it takes away the feeling of hunger, but it causes numerous other health issues

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I can't relate because I've always been someone who enjoyed solitude and never felt as if I needed anyone specific in my life. But I can see how if you're more prone to loneliness it can make you more tolerant of abuse.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Maybe you should have planned your life better so that your only choice isn't questionable

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I'm not OP. Stop being combative.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    being alone is worse
    also women find abuse really attractive on an instinctual level

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Often times, people would rather remain in a less-than-ideal but familiar situation, rather than venturing into the unknown and risking finding something even worse. Not to mention all the pain, awkwardness and uncertainty that comes with getting to know someone new. Your partner may be toxic, but you've already adapted to dealing with it. You don't yet know how to deal with another person's traits, and that's scary.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Knew a few dudes who put up with near daily physical and emotional abuse because their self esteem had long been broken down and they were convinced no one else would every put up with them in a relationship. So it was ether put up with the abuse or be alone forever.

    Wasn't helped by the fact that I never put up with bullshit and I am also permanently single and celibate. So they see the example of someone who stands up for themself as someone who also stands alone and conflate the two.
    I tried to explain the reason why I am single is because I am sperg with a shit personality but they already made up their mind.

    Don't know about women as they don't talk to me about such things unless they are being manipulative/lying.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Can someone help me understand the rationale of someone who stays in an extremely toxic relationship?
    You're assuming that someone in that situation is *capable* of acting rationally; they are not, and it is not reasonable of you to expect them to be able to.

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