Demystifying the importance of sex

Having been coming to this board for quite some time, there's something that I just don't understand about the culture here. There is a huge amount of importance placed upon sex. People often talk about it as if it's some end-all be-all Or some kind of inherently precious goal they need to achieve. People even ask for advice on whether or not they should pay for sex by seeing an escort.

I've had my share of relationships and girlfriends, and I've had plenty of sex, I've had good sex and mediocre sex and I've been in deep love and mild attraction, and all sorts of varying degrees of situations. It's true that sex can be great when you're in love with someone, sex can be good when it's spontaneous and just something done out of pleasure, Sex just plain feels good, period. I get it.

What I don't understand is why people are drawing a line and making it some sort of huge goal that they have to hit by a certain age or else they're totally defeated. People refer to themselves as different acronyms, or use slang terms. There's an entire subculture based around being a virgin or not being a virgin, or having lots of sex or not having lots of sex. I just don't get it. Sure, it's pleasurable, but it's certainly not something to base your entire existence around, as it seems lots of people here do. Food is pleasurable, watching television is pleasurable. If you're into video games, that can be pleasurable. Sex is just a simple pleasure like any others, And it seems like this simple thing has got people so beat up and twisted into knots because They cannot attain it.

Obviously, the perspective from somebody who has never had it is different from somebody who has, My question is, to people who have finally had sex did the veneer and the allure of it finally fade away, and did you finally realize that it wasn't some grand thing to base your life around? I feel like people are tearing themselves up inside over something that isn't as important as they're making it out to be.

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sex is the culmination of two lovers' attraction.
    People that don't get sex, aren't loved.
    People crave being loved, but they ultimately fetishes what is currently promoted in our culture which is sex.

    Then there are people that have meaningless sex. That, I believe, is trying to experience love by cutting to the chase, but the "chase" IS the love.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Sounds like you've never had sex

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      There are lots of men that are loved by good women who only want to have sex till marriage (they get affection but not sex). And also lots of men who are lusted after by BPD women who give them sex but abuse them

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I don't want to start a new thread for this, but how do I find a condom that fits well?
    Looking at the measurements it says regular size is 8" long but that can't be true because it ends a few inches up on the shaft. This bothers me as it kind of chokes the dick and I constantly have to readjust it. This can be a real mood killer.
    I haven't had sex for years and I don't want to mess up if I get another opportunity.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Start a new thread please, dont derail this thread that OP obviously put effort into.

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's how some men value themselves I guess. I think it's a signal for underlying social problems.

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I’ve noticed the act of sex is a status lots of men and women use to judge themselves as ‘good’ or contributing to society. Being a part of the tribe kind of shit. Never understood it, but agree with the other anon that the chase of romance is 100x better but doesn’t replace sex, just enhances it.

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I'm a sex camel. It doesn't mean anything to me

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's more the idea of sex than the actual act. Often the reason dudes get hung up about being "virgins", is that they've never had a girl interested in them period. Saying you're a virgin is just kind of a more succinct way of communicating that point, and that's definitely an important thing to miss out on for most people.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >It's more the idea of sex than the actual act
      T H I S

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This

      I've been insulted by a femoid on NSFFW for just reporting progress in a self improvement thread.

      Theres no point lying about my chances anymore.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty much

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >There is a huge amount of importance placed upon sex.
    It's a litmus test.
    If you aren't enthusiastic about making your partner horny and making them satisfied, and you don't love yourself for being a person who inspires and satisfies your partner, then it means you don't care about your partner that much.
    It's not the sex itself that's valuable, it's that you're the type of person who loves doing what helps your partner be happy and love you.
    >What I don't understand is why people are drawing a line and making it some sort of huge goal that they have to hit by a certain age or else they're totally defeated.
    Those are people whose PRIMARY GOAL in life is being demoralised, feeling inferior, feeling insecure, and regretting themselves.
    To keep themselves sad, they need to pick something that:
    1. Can, in some circumstances, greatly increase happiness (that way they can have an excuse to feel sad)
    2. Is commonly experienced (so that by lacking it, they feel inferior)
    3. They cannot obtain on their own power, or at least not easily (or else they'd just get it, and solve their problem that way)
    Sex meets these requirements. It's a good excuse for people to believe in if they want to make themselves sad.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    So are you going to stop having sex for the next year to prove your point ?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You sound unhappy

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I have no reason to be happy but that's not relevant.
        If sex is so unimportant, OP should have no problem not having sex for a year. A year isn't even that long.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          You are projecting your unhappiness. Nothing OP said is incorrect and you are trying to pivot to him being in an uncomfortable situation because you want others to feel like you do. I sincerely hope things get better for you so you dont feel like you have to respond with reactionary posts to people legitimately trying to discuss things and help people

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm not OP, but sure, I'm celibate with 3d girls and have been for 16 years now.
      You wanna have a conversation?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        No, being a 16 yo virgin doesn't make you
        "celibate for the last 16 years"

        You are projecting your unhappiness. Nothing OP said is incorrect and you are trying to pivot to him being in an uncomfortable situation because you want others to feel like you do. I sincerely hope things get better for you so you dont feel like you have to respond with reactionary posts to people legitimately trying to discuss things and help people

        No offense, but you seem really dishonest. If OP insists that sex is meaningless but has sex everyday he's in no position to have an opinion.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >resorting to insults
          Like I said, hope things get better for you

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I'm not insulting you. I just don't understand why my comment was unrelated to the opening post.
            It's like a rich man telling a beggar that he should focus on inner happiness and stop trying to get money.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Its nothing like that, see this anons post.

            >but you seem really dishonest
            Ad hom isnt useful in discussions
            >If OP insists that sex is meaningless
            Nowhere did he say that
            >but has sex everyday
            Nowhere did he say that
            >he's in no position to have an opinion.
            Well of course, because that's not the opinion he stated, its the one you made up.

            You are having an emotional reaction and seeing his post through that lens, hes not saying anything you are thinking he is. Read carefully without bias.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You haven't proven any of your assertions. His quotes you have included provide no backing for your interpretation. I implore you to view his post again when you aren't upset. Hes simply saying its not the ultimate goal in life and its oversold. Hes saying, in the very last line if you actually read, that the people who have this mindset are making themselves suffer over something that is less important than they believe. He doesn't want people to be in self imposed suffering.

            I've given it another read.

            His closing statement is the following:
            >I feel like people are tearing themselves up inside over something that isn't as important as they're making it out to be.

            I don't necessarily disagree with the fact that sex itself isn't extremely important (putting aside the reported health and mental benefits). However, never having sex even though you want to IS a sign that something has gone very wrong in your life.

            There's two kinds of people who worry about not having sex.

            First, normies who haven't had sex yet and feel the need to have sex so they dn't fall behind with their social circle and what's "normal".
            They are worrying about sex because their social status and self-esteem WILL be degraded if they don't.

            Secondly, there's incels who worry about sex but who mostly really worry about being undesirable as partners to everyone they've met in their life. They're not as worried about sex as the love that often comes with it, (and the fact that being a virgin makes it even more unlikely for you to find a gf)

            In both cases, I don't see how it's ok to minimize their issues and say sex isn't important when there are real consequences to their lives.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Incels are normalgays.
            If you aspire to be normal and feel bad about not being normal, you are normal, you're just not very good at it.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            moronic take
            Big difference between wanting to be normal and just wanting a bit of love in your life

            "Ive had

            >In both cases, I don't see how it's ok to minimize their issues and say sex isn't important when there are real consequences to their lives.
            I'm glad youve given it another read but you have again come to a conclusion that is fueled by emotion. He never said that its not important. Nowhere did he say that. Its obscenely clear that OP believes people are putting MORE emphasis on it than need be, that people are OVER pressuring themselves and suffering TOO much.

            Please try to be a more objective reader.

            I disagree. I don't think they are putting too much pressure on themselves when you consider the stakes that I mentioned.

            A normie who doesn't pressure himself will become more and more of a loser in his social circle, and a lot of incels are already so tired of life that they would genuinely NEED a gf to get out of their rut.

            Btw, sorry to disappoint you but I'm really not that emotional about it, as much as you like to repeat that I am.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You are free to disagree, that's perfectly fine, but you are saying hes saying things he is not

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >you are saying hes saying things he is not
            I'm not, it's the gist of what OP's saying.

            We're not getting anywhere so I give up, no idea what you think you understood but maybe YOU should give OP's post another read

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I am literally OP. You are completely incorrect

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            [...]
            >inb4 no you arent

            Why haven't you rephrased a single time then ?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Do you think everyone is the same person? I Dont monitor the threads I make 24/7

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            ok cool
            rephrase now then big boy

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            No, the guy you were arguing with had it right

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            he literally didn't say anything but ok
            I accept your concession

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I am literally OP. You are completely incorrect

            >inb4 no you arent

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            "Ive had

            >In both cases, I don't see how it's ok to minimize their issues and say sex isn't important when there are real consequences to their lives.
            I'm glad youve given it another read but you have again come to a conclusion that is fueled by emotion. He never said that its not important. Nowhere did he say that. Its obscenely clear that OP believes people are putting MORE emphasis on it than need be, that people are OVER pressuring themselves and suffering TOO much.

            Please try to be a more objective reader.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            [...]

            I've given it another read.

            His closing statement is the following:
            >I feel like people are tearing themselves up inside over something that isn't as important as they're making it out to be.

            I don't necessarily disagree with the fact that sex itself isn't extremely important (putting aside the reported health and mental benefits). However, never having sex even though you want to IS a sign that something has gone very wrong in your life.

            There's two kinds of people who worry about not having sex.

            First, normies who haven't had sex yet and feel the need to have sex so they dn't fall behind with their social circle and what's "normal".
            They are worrying about sex because their social status and self-esteem WILL be degraded if they don't.

            Secondly, there's incels who worry about sex but who mostly really worry about being undesirable as partners to everyone they've met in their life. They're not as worried about sex as the love that often comes with it, (and the fact that being a virgin makes it even more unlikely for you to find a gf)

            In both cases, I don't see how it's ok to minimize their issues and say sex isn't important when there are real consequences to their lives.

            Sorry for the "ive had at the beginning of the post I guess I partially copy/pasted the wrong part trying to quote you

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >If OP insists that sex is meaningless but has sex everyday he's in no position to have an opinion.
          Inclined to agree, since everything that I do everyday has some meaning and significance to my life.
          Maybe not much, but it still has some.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >but you seem really dishonest
          Ad hom isnt useful in discussions
          >If OP insists that sex is meaningless
          Nowhere did he say that
          >but has sex everyday
          Nowhere did he say that
          >he's in no position to have an opinion.
          Well of course, because that's not the opinion he stated, its the one you made up.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Ad hom isnt useful in discussions
            I have to insult the poster when the post is void of substance

            >Nowhere did he say that
            He said: " I don't understand is why people are drawing a line and making it some sort of huge goal that they have to hit"
            and "Sex is just a simple pleasure"

            >Nowhere did he say that
            "I've had my share of relationships and girlfriends, and I've had plenty of sex"

            I WILL insult you again if you avoid these quotes again

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I can tell you, that as a person disinterested in IRL sex, I don't care about IRL sex.
            I am also not OP.
            You may now cope

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You haven't proven any of your assertions. His quotes you have included provide no backing for your interpretation. I implore you to view his post again when you aren't upset. Hes simply saying its not the ultimate goal in life and its oversold. Hes saying, in the very last line if you actually read, that the people who have this mindset are making themselves suffer over something that is less important than they believe. He doesn't want people to be in self imposed suffering.

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Speaking from experience, I think it's a legitimate milestone in life and not achieving it by a certain age definitely will create hang-ups and mental issues. Especially for men, it's a sign to themselves that they aren't worthy/desired/appropriately socialized. And I think it's really important for younger people to experiment with sex quite a bit and demystify it and learn about yourself in the process, what you want in a partner, etc. Otherwise, any relationship you get into will be stilted, awkward, and just shitty quality. So, do your future self a favor and experiment, the time window is way smaller than you think.

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sex is secondary tbh OP, but if you don't have sex it usually means nobody likes you, which is the main problem: no gf and quite often no friends
    And everyone around you will notice and treat you worse for being a virgin, which will make it harder to get a gf or friends.

    They want to have sex so they can A experience it for itself and B actually have people in their life instead of going home to their empty flat every day.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm grateful that I'm immune to all that stuff.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Wdym ?
        You are ok having no friends and no gf ? For your entire life ? How old are you

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >You are ok having no friends and no gf ?
          Yes
          >For your entire life ?
          Yes
          >How old are you
          37

          I simply do not feel whatever you people feel when socially isolated, nor do I feel whatever you people feel when having sex with a 3d girl, and I did try it one point to try to see what all the fuss was about. Still don't know.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well, good for you bro honestly.
            I am not that bothered about being socially isolated but only while I'm young. I want to have a family.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >if you don't have sex it usually means nobody likes you
      What? I have plenty of people I respect and love and never even thought of having sex with them. I also believe people that tell me they respect and love me and I never had sex with them either.

      Unfortunately I'm beginning to understand for men LOVE=SEX and SEX=LOVE so if they aren't having sex with it then it doesn't count

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >I have plenty of people I respect and love
        that's cool bro, but what I'm saying is that most men who don't have sex don't have this either. They don't have sex BECAUSE their lives are shit, which makes their lives even worse.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I dont think thats true, you can have a perfectly nice life but not be able to get laid because you aren't very social or something like that. Before I had sex my life was fine.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I agree with you. I don't think it's impossible to have a nice life without having sex, I just think for a lot of people that's not the case.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Oh ok sorry I misunderstood

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >I have plenty of people I respect and love
        Not me

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          🙁

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >What I don't understand is why people are drawing a line and making it some sort of huge goal that they have to hit by a certain age or else they're totally defeated.
    I agree with your thinking about this, that it's silly to say you must have sex by a certain age and it must be a massive deal, but I also feel it's important we recognize our thinking could be reduced to absolute nihilism. Things have importance.
    >My question is, to people who have finally had sex did the veneer and the allure of it finally fade away, and did you finally realize that it wasn't some grand thing to base your life around?
    My definition of sex changed, and that's the biggest takeaway I can give you. I thought of sex as boobs, vegana, blowjobs, cunnilingus, and pounding in and out.

    I didn't think about kissing much at all. Sure, I had a romantic mind as a virgin, but my definition of sex was pretty limited in scope. Kissing, in other words, was something I saw as BEFORE sex, if even. I didn't realize the way intimacy and sex could be so intertwined -- I found the idea of sex with one person romantic and beautiful, and saw sex as a way to gain intimacy, but I didn't realize how complicated of an interplay it is.

    As an example of this: When my girlfriend first french kissed me, and we did this for like thirty minutes or an hour, I was really caught off guard by how hot it was and the precum building up on my penis. I was still a virgin but, to me now (and partially to me then), it was like I had sex. And it stunned me.

    So I think that's the biggest thing. And I think some people could have sex, probably with strangers, without ever having sex like I've had.

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The answer doesn't lie in sex in itself but rather in concepts. Being able to get sex indicates success, in fact biological speaking it is the definition of success to successfully breed. So we can already see a lot of emphasis is put on sex by biology so thus people want to have sex. However as you pointed out this goes beyond base drive and pleasure seeking. We can get a partial answer that it is also recognized as part of success in society as well. However, someone can be successful in society without sex. In fact we can see other areas are more important, yet we don't see quite as much of an emphasis there. What it has to do with is masculinity particularly the toxic culture surrounding masculinity.

    The inability to have sex, to make sexual conquests is seen as emasculate. Take the stereotype of nerds who don't have sex. Nerds are often seen as soft, frail, not very dominant, and lacking a back bone. Similarly women are stereotyped as attracted to masculinity. So if no women are attracted to you it can indicate you're emasculate. Take gigachad who is depicted as overly masculine while basedjaks are depicted as lacking masculinity. Similar trends with other NSFFW memes, can just be summed up as sexless nerds are seen as emasculate.

  13. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    i usually minimize meme threads, board becomes a little bit more neat

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Nobody asked

      • 4 weeks ago
        sage

        re: OP

  14. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    it’s about wanting connection that goes “all the way”, so to speak. if you aren’t able to do something that 90% of all humans that have ever lived were able to do, and you are physically capable of doing it (having a working dick and not being wheelchair bound) and *want* to do it but can’t, that means there’s something pretty wrong with you. it’s also about maturity and mental health. many 20-something and older kissless virgins are still mental children in some fashion and have mental health issues which leave them profoundly unhappy

  15. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >It's a fact...that in societies like ours sex truly represents a second system of differentiation, completely independent of money; and as a system of differentiation it functions just as mercilessly. The effects of these two systems are, furthermore, strictly equivalent. Just like unrestrained economic liberalism, and for similar reasons, sexual liberalism produces phenomena of absolute pauperization . Some men make love every day; others five or six times in their life, or never. Some make love with dozens of women; others with none. It's what's known as 'the law of the market'...Economic liberalism is an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society. Sexual liberalism is likewise an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society.

  16. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    "The well fed person doesn't understand the hungry one"

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Sounds profound but means nothing since the fed person was once hungry

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm not talking about going a day or two without eating you fricking moron. Do you know what it feels like to eat nothing for 2 months? Me neither, and I hope I never do, because it must be goddamn awful.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >comparing starving to death to not getting pussy
          Absolute cringe

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            "The well fed person doesn't understand the hungry one"

            reread.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Yes but that is how they see the world where sex is center

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Yes and OPs point is specifically that this is incorrect

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You really are moronic. Holy shit. Do you even know what an analogy is? For fricks sake.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It was a really terrible analogy, which was the point of the post.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            it really wasn’t

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Sure. Whatever you say.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            damn straight

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Just out of curiosity, how often do you frick ?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I hope things get better for your sincerely man.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I sincerely think you have some kind of brain damage.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I hope things get better for your sincerely man.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I sincerely think you have some kind of brain damage.

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