Do you feel like you have to tell your loved ones or your partner everything?

I knew a guy who had a fiance, but once she found out he was raped by another guy a long time ago, that suddenly changed how she viewed him and it's like he became less of a man even though he's the same guy she was with the whole time and it's not even his fault. Then I kind of thought to myself that some things should just be taken to the grave.

It's easy to talk about how you should know everything about your partner and vice versa, but I feel like only people with privileged and untroubled backgrounds say that because the system is already working to their advantage. Things like current debt or convicted criminal background and you're still on parole - yes you should tell someone before marrying or committing to them because it also becomes your partner's problem. But other things that wouldn't affect them if they didn't know?

Is it so bad to just not tell your partner some things?

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Is it so bad to just not tell your partner some things?
    It is the undeniable proof of a lack of trust, anon.

    Unless this is your 1st month together, why are you together with a girl you don't trust?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Unless this is your 1st month together, why are you together with a girl you don't trust?
      Not OP, but because I would be alone otherwise

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        yeah exactly

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A spouse can only be a partner and thus build a lasting relationship if you share everything about yourselves with each other. If you don't, they're living with a stranger and the relationship will eventually fall apart.

    If you tell a girl you got raped and she leaves you, she's doing you a great favour because she's an immoral c**t who doesn't care about you in the first place.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >she's doing you a great favour because she's an immoral c**t who doesn't care about you in the first place.

      yeah but thats like most women and people

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    it you want a genuine connection and true bond, that requires emotional intimacy- and emotional intimacy requires great transparency. The same way one gets physically naked to get physically intimate, you have to be willing to get your inner being/whole soul core and persona naked to build emotional intimacy. This requires vulnerability to share about you. Otherwise it will not lead anywhere. If trust is there, then the foundation is already strong.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >The same way one gets physically naked to get physically intimate
      I agree with everything you said except this. That is just bullshit we say to get into the woman's pants, since she's moronic

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I noticed that women are particularly judgmental about their male partners stepping out of the expected standards of male behavior - such as crossdressing, or being bisexual. Even if the man is still a good partner, provider, protective, and she never sees him crossdress. Even if he never slept with a man and has no place to, the fact that he can potentially be attracted to a man shatters the whole image that woman has of him. Honestly, I don't blame gay men who has married women, or men who hide crossdressing. The iron fist of heteronormativity is brutal to men who step out of line. It's easy for the rest of us to be like "be truthful" and "find someone who accepts who you are" when we're not the ones who have to live with the consequences of being honest and live a life of marginalization.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    We don't have to tell each other everything but we do anyway.l

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Yes just hide the fact you got raped from your fiancé. Also don't tell her about any of the times you were upset or hurt. And obviously bring up any of the trauma she has and make fun of her for it and how she should just get over it.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Talking to women is like talking to the police. Never volunteer information. It can be used against you and only against, not in your defense.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Very wise. I wish someone had told me this 15 years ago

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This is how it works with everyone. You keep your shit on need to know, you dont let anything too compromising get out. People dont do it on purpose, but we really really rank people based on things we know about them. The less people know about you, the better.

      T. Im a contractor and change crews/sites a lot. The loser is the guy who blabs about his personal life. The most respected and liked people are those whk are friendly and dont talk about themselves. Its social engineering 101.

      People just like to turn the lens on women because it matters more to you if a woman youre interested in thinks youre a gay than it does some random dude. Shes just playing by the rules everyone (including you) plays by.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >The loser is the guy who blabs about his personal life. The most respected and liked people are those whk are friendly and dont talk about themselves.

        Same with other fields.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Here are some wise words from me an older women to the younger women here:
    Do not tell a man your traumas especially if they involve sexual abuse or violence from another man. They will either get angry and feel cucked they weren't there to help you, or they will want to do it to you too to feel "even". They will start treating you worse either way. Keep it to yourself or talk to your friends. Don't tell your man. Ignore any scrote or woman replying to me saying I'm wrong and they are different/their man is different. No he is not

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    if you tell her something that happened in the past and she breaks up with you then it means she never actually loved you anyway.

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    People cant control their impressions. You cant either. Yes there are things you just keep to yourself or at least be very selective who you tell.
    Inb4
    >hurr women disloyal
    On occasion a thread comes up like "I found out my gf was raped" check the eave of incels that shows up like "SHES A prostitute LEAVE HER"

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Just don’t tell anyone

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    She outed herself as not worthy for him. How does that make him less of a man?

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I think everyone is entitled to their own private secrets, but they understand the consequences of having those secrets. They need to realize what can happen if/when those secrets come to light. It might be better to share a secret early on, or hold on to it and share it later once trust has been built, or never share it at all. It's up to you to decide how you wanna handle your secrets

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >They need to realize what can happen if/when those secrets come to light.

      But they can also have a better life if they just keep their mouths shut

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Things like current debt or convicted criminal background and you're still on parole - yes you should tell someone before marrying or committing to them because it also becomes your partner's problem. But other things that wouldn't affect them if they didn't know?
    That's pretty much how I see it. If its important enough to effect their health or livelihood its a must tell. Other shit not so much. I promise you most women would never tell their man they slept with a black guy or that their ex had a bigger dick and was way better in bed.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      how about things like:

      1. having previous children that they dont see or know
      2. being a divorcee
      3. being with a prostitute/being a prostitute (but has no lingering STDs)
      4. killed someone in the past and got away with it
      5. having a lot of money or patents

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >1. having previous children that they dont see or know
        Must tell.
        >2. being a divorcee
        Eh, pretty significant but could be a non issue
        >3. being with a prostitute/being a prostitute (but has no lingering STDs)
        Never Tell
        >4. killed someone in the past and got away with it
        Don't tell anyone lol
        >5. having a lot of money or patents
        Keep a secret to avoid gold diggers, if possible never tell anyone how much you're really worth.

        Overall the whole idea of telling your partner everything sounds nice, but I don't think that really matches up with reality, especially with women. Women don't want a guy with flaws and problems and traumas, they want superman. This is why smart guys adopt a more stoic approach to dealing with their women instead of expecting them to be a therapist.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >Keep a secret to avoid gold diggers, if possible never tell anyone how much you're really worth.

          I have patents and royalties coming in under my pen name for my female persona. It's a form of crossdressing for me. I would never tell my future wife. Is that so bad?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            That's pretty heavy, its basically another life which I think is too much to hide in a marriage. A past where you hooked up with some trannies or hookers is one thing, but needing to maintain a sissy persona on the side is too far.

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    i tell my wife pretty much everything
    i don't feel a sense of duty to do that, i just want to
    sometimes it upsets her, but i think long term it's for the best

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    The the "you should share everything!" people are coming from the place of "I hope my partner shares everything so I can see if he/she is damaged and can get rid of damaged people" and less about what's actually in your best interest as the person actually dealing with the problem. Though most people won't say it like that, they will say something like "if a person rejects you for that, they're not for you (though I would reject you as well)!"

  17. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >I knew a guy who had a fiance, but once she found out he was raped by another guy a long time ago, that suddenly changed how she viewed him and it's like he became less of a man even though he's the same guy she was with the whole time and it's not even his fault.
    If someone sees you as less of a man because of something that happened to you, your relationship probably isn't a healthy one. I mean, unless there are other details that make the thing partially your fault, like you were strong enough to fight off the rapist but chose not to. But you shouldn't look down on someone for being raped generally speaking, you should sympathize with them.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >If someone sees you as less of a man because of something that happened to you, your relationship probably isn't a healthy one.
      The problem is this is just how women are wired. Women are not receptive to weakness in men, they don't want to be your mother or therapist. This isn't something unique to bad evil women, the women who aren't like this are actually the anomaly.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      yeah but this is most relationships and most women

  18. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I guess I’ll die alone

  19. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Obviously there are things it's better for both people to not know. Does your girlfriend really need to know you post here? probably not.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Lol but its not a big deal though to post on NSFFW

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