How am I supposed to date women when I have nothing in common with them?

A girl from my friend group asked me out and it was the most excruciatingly awkward hour of my life. I legit said about 2 words every 5 minutes. My brain just could not come up with anything to say. We did smoke weed first and that basically fried my brain but it wouldn’t have been much better without it.

I knew I was socially awkward and shy and pretty boring but holy frick I didn’t know it was this bad.
What do I do???

>pic unrelated

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you said no??? fricking whyyyyy, she'd have loved u forever man.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      What? I went. And it was awkward as frick. She texted me after somehow but we met up again as a group this time and I was still autistic and it fizzled out and she has a boyfriend now.
      This is one of dozens of similar situations. I’m an almost 23yo incel.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >We did smoke weed first
        Yeah big mistake. Weed is terrible for social activities, it makes you silly but it also puts you inside your own head. Alcohol is much better for social activities, girls love to get drunk and they get drunk super fast too so just bring some wine or some stuff to make margaritas or something light.

        >it fizzled out and she has a boyfriend now
        I'm not saying that girl is a lost cause but you should def lay off the gas for now. Keep hanging out with her, and do so in public places where other people can see you hanging out with a group, that's more important than you probably think

        Smoking weed makes me super anxious especially with people. I remember I just went unconscious and every couple of seconds i’d realize that i’m alone with a girl and it made me panic hard af. But I knew that it would be super fricking awkward even before the weed and it was. I had much more in common with her than any girl i’d meet anywhere else since she was in my friend group. And I fricked up royally. This is a serious bottleneck that I don’t think i’ll be able to get past. I isolated myself from people when I was a teenager and replaced socialization with vidya and NSFFW.

        >This is a serious bottleneck that I don’t think i’ll be able to get past.
        Try to avoid having this attitude about it. It's like the "two dogs inside of you" story, dont feed the dog thats telling you you cant do it. Theres another dog that knows youll overcome it and wants you to be adventurous, diligent, and persistent. Keep reminding yourself that you'll be able to get past it. You just gotta keep your mind busy on other things, if your mind is busy then it can't dwell on negative thoughts.
        If your hobbies are vidya and NSFFW, I gotta say those are super unsexy hobbies, girls are drawn to guys with hobbies that show theyre in touch with their emotions like musicians ir artists or poets. Pick up some better hobbies, and join a community where you get to interact with other people regularly. Make that a goal for you to start with and see what other opportunities start to open up from there.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        > said no
        you aint an incel, you're a goddamn volcel
        get the frick outta here.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          moron.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Read harder. Try to follow along and understand.

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You personally? Don't

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >How am I supposed to date women when I have nothing in common with them?
    You both like sex, talk about how you like to frick.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Women don’t really like sex. They like attention and sex is how they get it.

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Do you have any chemistry with her? Are you sexually attracted to her? Is she interesting?

    Anyway smoking weed makes lots of people turn introverted and uncomfortable socially

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Smoking weed makes me super anxious especially with people. I remember I just went unconscious and every couple of seconds i’d realize that i’m alone with a girl and it made me panic hard af. But I knew that it would be super fricking awkward even before the weed and it was. I had much more in common with her than any girl i’d meet anywhere else since she was in my friend group. And I fricked up royally. This is a serious bottleneck that I don’t think i’ll be able to get past. I isolated myself from people when I was a teenager and replaced socialization with vidya and NSFFW.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    OH ok. Nothing unusual about any of that. Various people have a bad experience with weed, me and you included. The walls close in, thoughts get intense, anxiety spikes. Its just not something you should ever do again.

    Tell her that and apologize. Tell her the weed screwed you up like it always does and you are sorry for zoning out. That it wasnt her fault. Leave it at that.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It’s all good now, but she has a boyfriend. It’s not the weed, i’m just a socially stunted autist.

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You aren’t missing out on anything lol

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      yes I am. Stop gaslighting.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You really aren’t. But whatever you say.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          of course bro humans are just meant to live alone and shitpost on anime boards

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It unironically doesn’t get much better than this. Love rarely exists; it’s mostly illusory. The pleasures of solitude, however, are very real. Yes our biology compels us to coom in a moist hole and spend our years shackled to an aging roastie, but if you have an ounce of intelligence the bleak nature of this task becomes apparent. Your happiness, or lack thereof, is in your own hands. Finding a woman will change nothing.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    ummmmm just be yourself chud
    oh and don't forget to live laugh and love

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous
  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    if she's from your friend group you must at least have something in common?? you've already known each other a while. what are your interactions like with each other outside of a date?

    • 2 weeks ago
      OP

      Even in my friend group i'm kinda just the autist that people bring along, I rarely talk and they often joke about it but not in a bad way. They are nice people.
      It is easier for me to talk in a group though. One-on-one with anyone is nightmare fuel for me.

      It unironically doesn’t get much better than this. Love rarely exists; it’s mostly illusory. The pleasures of solitude, however, are very real. Yes our biology compels us to coom in a moist hole and spend our years shackled to an aging roastie, but if you have an ounce of intelligence the bleak nature of this task becomes apparent. Your happiness, or lack thereof, is in your own hands. Finding a woman will change nothing.

      I want a gf while i'm young. Once i'm 30+ i'm going to go full hermit mode since imo getting married is the stupidest thing a man can do.

      just talk about non politics or religion related hypotheticals that allow a range of discussion and debate without touching on anything that's actually going to trigger anyone and doesn't require a ton of education or knowledge to have a position on. what sitcom characters would taylor Swift date? if you could spend a year in Europe on $5000/mo. is that a better vacation than one day on the moon? dumb shit like that you can talk for hours with the right prompt

      I don't watch much tv tbh and I haven't travelled all that much. I plan on SEAmaxxing this summer perhaps, but I can't tell a girl that.

      NTA but I'm not creative and apparently none of the women I ever talked to are either

      yeah, this. I'm not up to date on normie pop culture bullshit at all.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >but I can't tell a girl that.
        kek true
        well, you could look up some cities and tourist destinations in the area and just talk about that part even if you will actually spend all your time fricking prostitutes

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I tried: https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/30650699/

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah, I've always avoided even trying to date because I've had the foresight that something like this would be the only outcome for me.

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You don't need to have anything in common with them. Just be good looking, confident and treat them badly once in a while

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >treat them badly once in a while
      Ive heard this so many times but ive never gotten an answer that would actually clarify the reasoning of this idea. Like why would anyone like you for treating them badly? This sounds like a psyop to further drive a gap between men and women.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >actually clarify the reasoning of this idea
        If a rat can press a button and food comes out 100% of the time, it will over time lose interest in it, because it knows it can have food whenever. The food will be less valuable because it's readily available.

        If it presses a button and food only comes out sometimes, it will be inclined to use the button more and be more excited about the food when it does come.
        >https://www.patheos.com/blogs/crywoof/2014/03/the-rat-pushes-the-button/

        That's why you can't be close to people all the time and always praise them, they won't appreciate the positivity if that's all there is to it. It kills the natural curiosity.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Still dont understand. Were not rats or food giving buttons. Also i would absolutely love it if i got praised all the time. Totally wouldnt mind.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It's a deeply rooted, unconscious reaction from the literal lizard brain that processes reward responses.
            You may think you're above it, which maybe you can train yourself to be if you're aware enough. But don't expect average women or men to be rational, logical creatures all the time.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I repeat myself. If someone is nice to me i would love it and probably love that person that much more. At no point does some rat or lizard brain interfere and say "no that person isnt special because look how nice is all the time!"
            Probably just the opposite would actually happen and id just be more atracted to her.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Still dont understand. Were not rats or food giving buttons. Also i would absolutely love it if i got praised all the time. Totally wouldnt mind.

        >Like why would anyone like you for treating them badly?
        The other anon is right, it's hard to explain though, entire books could be (and probably have been) written about this shit.
        The thing about randomness is true, it's important to not become predictable. It's also important for there to be problems that you work together to overcome. Sometimes you have to artificially create problems for that reason. Sometimes you have to be tough with someone to show you care, like yelling at a kid for putting his hand near a hot stove. And sometimes a woman likes to see a man take control and do what he wants. It's a delicate practice, there's a lot of bad ways to treat women "badly" but there's some important good ways too.
        Long story short it can't always be pleasure, you have to mix pain and pleasure

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >it can't always be pleasure, you have to mix pain and pleasure

          Yes it can, why cant it? I dont want pain. Pain fricking sucks.

          You have to do better than that if you want me to start treating women badly.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Sexual relationships especially are a dance of polarities, the female and male, it's like that by design. A base level function.
          All animals that reproduce sexually know this dance intuitively, so it's best not to get lost in its intricacies or overly conceptualize them.
          The main choice for us men now is whether we want to take up the dance or leave it be.

          I repeat myself. If someone is nice to me i would love it and probably love that person that much more. At no point does some rat or lizard brain interfere and say "no that person isnt special because look how nice is all the time!"
          Probably just the opposite would actually happen and id just be more atracted to her.

          Riddle me this, do you decide to become attracted to something first or are you attracted to it first, then decide whether or not to pursue it?
          There is so much shit that happens on a subconscious level every second, that you are now breathing manually.
          Luckily, you don't have to think about that one all the time.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I suppose i have decided to become attracted to something and when i see suitable mate i go for it and öossibly fall in love.
            >There is so much shit that happens on a subconscious level every second, that you are now breathing manually.
            Luckily, you don't have to think about that one all the time.
            How does this answer the question tho. Why would i want to treat my partner badly ever. I know i would be upset if i got treated badly and i know for a fact i would like that person LESS not MORE both on the conscious AND unconcious levels.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I have to smile whenever I see youthful idealism.

            Vary your responses as much as you're comfortable varying them, don't be same same all the time is the lesson.
            No response can be more powerful than a negative response, I'll give you that as a hint.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Need a clarifying explanation. Hints/Riddles/Metaphors and other ambiguites just arent gonna cut it. Sorry.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Sorry.

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    just talk about non politics or religion related hypotheticals that allow a range of discussion and debate without touching on anything that's actually going to trigger anyone and doesn't require a ton of education or knowledge to have a position on. what sitcom characters would taylor Swift date? if you could spend a year in Europe on $5000/mo. is that a better vacation than one day on the moon? dumb shit like that you can talk for hours with the right prompt

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      NTA but I'm not creative and apparently none of the women I ever talked to are either

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    .

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just sounds like you don't actually know how to talk to people. It is easy, you try and guage what mood they are in and then say an empathetic statement that gets the talking about themselves 'so you had a good day today' after you notice them in a particularly good mood, then they start talking about themselves etc etc. people really do like yapping about themselves so in a way your date wasn't to bad as you might think, just be sure to keep identifying her emotional state and hooking into it with empathetic statements

    and then just generally say things that make them feel good about themselves, but not in a way that they are going to be aware of

    'I worked hard today on a big project' she says, you reply:
    WRONG: 'wow you are amazing, well done'
    RIGHT: 'it takes a lot of determination and fortitude for someone to do that'

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    .

  15. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >when I have nothing in common with them
    But you both have a penis???

  16. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Think of it like this, going on a date one on one is like going to the grand final tournament, you are not ready and should start practicing by going to much easier social situations and making conversations like amongst friends and just keep exposing yourself to low pressure social situations and you will get better, make small talk with a cashier or something, just get it here and there. there are very few people that are genuinely terrible at social interaction after some practice or fixing their anxiety, you would not survive in the wild if you were bad socially.

  17. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >What do I do???
    You keep doing it until you're not so bad at it. I don't know why you guys expect to be experts at something when you have no experience or practice. Conversation is a skill just like any other and you're not going to be great at it if you've spent most of your life avoiding it.

  18. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >>3

  19. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    over

  20. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Keep doing it. Keep meeting up with girls and you'll get better at it. Because you're retarted it will take longer, but it will get better with practice.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I’m almost 23, i’m not getting younger. Another 2 years and i’ll be a boomer. Time flies now.
      I don’t see it getting better.

      Will reply to other posts later, busy at work currently.

  21. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    G

  22. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I feel like there are only 2, maybe 3, useful posts in this thread
    I'm also in the same situation as anon with a girl who doesn't seem to have hobbies or interests an

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Never mind guys we're bantering about turning old - its all probably ok 🙂

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm far from a chad, definitely more on the incel dichotomy, but I talk with a lot of women. Most of the time, I let them set a topic and just ask followup questions until I can get a vignette or something in. She's talking about the super bowl this weekend? Oh, do you like Taylor? Oh, how about Travis? Yeah, i'm looking forward to the halftime show, I like Usher. I remember listening him when I was 15. etc etc

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