How are you supposed to love yourself if you simply don't like who you are and how you do things?

How are you supposed to love yourself if you simply don't like who you are and how you do things / think / behave? It's mainly when I'm around other people this feeling makes itself known.

I don't like how I think - which is very logical and abstract at times. It's hard for other people to understand or empathize with me. I don't like that I have an interest in my interests, as in I wish I was a different person with different interests. It seems like it's very hard to find people who like what I like for the specific same reasons I do. Which to clarify, I have no issue with others liking things I do, but I wish we could relate more to why and the specifics. I don't like how hard it is for me to socialize and communicate. I have to analyze everything I say to truly feel comfortable and even then I feel uncomfortable with not knowing what response is the "correct" one. I get very irritated sometimes due to this when speaking to others. I don't like how I always feel I'm doing okay when I'm alone and then when I'm around others, I feel like I've actually been behind this whole time. I'm not sure what this feeling is of longing to just be someone else completely, but I get it whenever I'm around others.

Is this normal when you're working through this kind of stuff? Will it eventually go away as I familiarize myself with it and eventually learn to love myself as I am? Or am I fricked?

Ape Out Shirt $21.68

Yakub: World's Greatest Dad Shirt $21.68

Ape Out Shirt $21.68

  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >It's mainly when I'm around other people this feeling makes itself known
    That's because you don't truly hate yourself you just don't feel comfortable or accepted by others so you dislike yourself because you assume or pick up on how they don't like you. Find friends or a friend that is willing to accept you as you are and it will remind you that you're not a fundamentally unloveable person. Its hard to remember that sometimes when you're on your own.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >That's because you don't truly hate yourself you just don't feel comfortable or accepted by others so you dislike yourself because you assume or pick up on how they don't like you
      You could very much be right. I also have an unhealthy habit of directing more attention to things that personally upset me than make me happy, and that could impact my overall esteem and inner peace with myself.

      >Find friends or a friend that is willing to accept you as you are and it will remind you that you're not a fundamentally unloveable person
      Sorry for blog posting in response. I came from a pretty rough situation as a teen and young adult, basically socially rejected and ignored and then I gave up until it was killing me. So, I finally struggled and blundered until I scrapped some social skills together and made friends maybe a year ago. Although, I have a lot of issues still with not reverting back to a hermit life. It's hard for me to gauge when they want me around or to leave, or what to do with friends, I mainly offer my hobbies and things I think would be fun and they accept that. Although, since it's hard for me to socialize, the friends I have made were able to understand this themselves and some came from a similar position. This creates an issue where it seems like putting two mirrors together and the reflections just break each other. My closest friend will sometimes trigger me but I have to just trust she doesn't mean it in a mean way, and it's just both of us having been through hard times and it leaving marks. But, it's really distressing to fight that.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >I also have an unhealthy habit of directing more attention to things that personally upset me than make me happy
        Same whenever I try to quit alcohol I realize that I'm attached to the bitterness and negativity and carry it around. I could let go of it and be happy, but choose not to. The internet though also can be a great place to get mindfricked

        >It's hard for me to gauge when they want me around or to leave, or what to do with friends, I mainly offer my hobbies and things I think would be fun and they accept that
        I get what you're saying. That's rough. I was a similar situation and just started hanging with my drug dealers after HS and became somewhat gang affiliated. I was hanging with them because I was so desperate for friends and they got me out of my comfort zone at least but connecting with them was hard. A friend that you can hug and tell your true feelings to without worrying about judgement is a different thing than people you hang with to avoid going crazy from loneliness.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >My closest friend will sometimes trigger me but I have to just trust she doesn't mean it in a mean way, and it's just both of us having been through hard times and it leaving marks. But, it's really distressing to fight that
        Have you thought instead of living in fear of social rejection, that if you trust this person as a close friend maybe you could talk about your feelings? Maybe they are afraid to open up or trust anyone too and would appreciate your attempt to clear the air

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          2/2 BTW you could try to read a book on communication, this book on positive psychology I thought was good, although I never finished it. Its called words can change your brain, it is about finding better ways to communicate and generate trust and whatnot in conversation. If you try to read anything like that and practice anything out of it I bet you see positive results

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I will definitely look into it, thank you so much! My main goal is to be able to communicate better, more clearly, and have my friends feel comfortable and safe with me and have that be a two way street. Mainly because I know how healing that can be and how it seems rare these days. Do you have any other book recommendations or things you found interesting that you learned / picked up?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >Do you have any other book recommendations or things you found interesting that you learned / picked up
            Well remembering to speak slowly and softly contributes a lot to an atmosphere of trust. Talking about personal problems and the problems in the world generate mistrust in the listener, so if you want to have constructive dialogue and generate trust try to focus on the attributes of yourself that you admire instead of the ones you dislike. A few other things but you could check it out yourself, I think positive psychology in general is a good source for learning about communication

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Also, anxiety makes you make subtle facial expressions that tell the listener subconsciously to mistrust you. A warm smile is the opposite, but you can't force it or that will generate more mistrust. So maintaining this by maybe focusing on a positive memory or something you truly care about and that makes you happy can naturally give you a warm smile

            Hmm, isn't that a little manipulative?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            No, because it generates mutual trust and mutual connection. Technically this book is written for two people to go through it as partners, but I never found a partner so I just integrate it where I can. There's nothing manipulative about finding better ways to connect with people

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Yes, I actually recently crossed this threshold with them when I talked about a lot of the things I went through and they opened up to me too. Hence, me knowing they came from a similar situation and why I accept that sometimes they come off harsher than they mean since it's what they grew up with.

          With that being said, our friendship is still growing but eventually I will bring it up. I just want to make sure that trust and non judgmental atmosphere is established first before I tell her my feelings, you know? I'm not sure if that's the correct thing to do, but logically it makes sense so I'll do that lol.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >I just want to make sure that trust and non judgmental atmosphere is established first before I tell her my feelings, you know
            That makes perfect sense just take it one step at a time. There's nothing fundamental wrong with you for being yourself. I changed myself to please others and dissociated from what I truly cared about, because I thought there was something wrong with me, and now have identity crises bc of it and wish I'd just accepted myself as I was to begin with. The only problem is that you haven't found people who validate your existence without judgement. That isn't a you problem

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Sounds weird but sometimes I'm not even sure when I engage in behaviors that are trampling my "true self" to fit in, since I'm so used to doing that. I only recently got out of the last fricked up situations I had been in from before and the transition from feeling fear and fawn responding to being yourself is tough. Like, really tough. I almost feel I have Stockholm syndrome of needing to feel fear or anxiety to feel "comfortable".

            I'm suspecting maybe that also is why I feel so shit / depressed / self loathing when I'm around others too, but I'm really not sure yet.

            How are you dealing with the identify crisis? How do you root out what feels "you" v.s something that isn't you? What finally broke the camels back and made you start trying to find yourself instead of pleasing others?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >How are you dealing with the identify crisis? How do you root out what feels "you" v.s something that isn't you?
            Yeah same i get what you were saying, I've picked up a lot of habits and behaviors that I used to hate. For example, I used to want to make instrumental music and hated violent music but after years around people rapping about violence I just started doing that too. For figuring out it wasn't me, it was presenting myself that way to someone. My best friend at the time, I tried to share some dirty ass rap song I'd written with him, he didn't like it, I realized I don't like it either and was really glad he didn't like it lol.

            But, for me it has been talking to people genuinely and sharing what I'm doing. Trial and error. Presenting myself as I am and if it doesn't feel right then realizing that was just some bullshit that got added on later and needs to go. Also, thinking of what I valued or what kind of person I was as a kid before the brainwashing and social problems helps

            >What finally broke the camels back and made you start trying to find yourself instead of pleasing others?
            Being addicted to fentanyl and constantly suicidal while still making it my priority to please others

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    similar boat, but its gotten better as i've gotten older. sometimes it gets worse. connection with other humans is what makes life worth living so even if its uncomfortable, its essential. you might not love yourself, but you've got get used to it, i guess? i think i've gotten more comfortable with myself knowing people hang out with me and like me, but i still feel that gnawing sometimes. with people i've known for 10+ years, that awkward lull in the conversation drags, it makes me think, do these people like me? or are they putting up because i put the effort in? what do they get from this, can they tell who i really am? i feel like everyone sees my insecurities and it makes me disgusting.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >connection with other humans is what makes life worth living so even if its uncomfortable, its essential
      Yes, true.

      >with people i've known for 10+ years, that awkward lull in the conversation drags, it makes me think, do these people like me? or are they putting up because i put the effort in? what do they get from this, can they tell who i really am? i feel like everyone sees my insecurities and it makes me disgusting.
      Hm, well you have to apply that same rationale you applied earlier, right? People are complicated and nothing is perfect, so it's okay to have awkward moments, it happens to everyone. It doesn't mean any more than what you give it or let it mean. The hardest lesson was learning it wasn't always my responsibility to keep a conversation going or to be "entertaining". But it's quite freeing when you realize you can only control what's in your grasp, and if someone wants to stay or leave - that's their responsibility and to trust their decision. Assuming they are trustworthy people. But it's really hard to always keep that in mind and stick to it, it's crazy how humans are so drawn to self destructive thoughts and patterns.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >I don't like how hard it is for me to socialize and communicate. I have to analyze everything I say to truly feel comfortable and even then I feel uncomfortable with not knowing what response is the "correct" one
    This doesn't mean there's anything fundamentally wrong with you either. You are badly socialized and feel unable to be real with others because you have none that you can trust or who makes you comfortable to be yourself and express yourself how you like. Its fundamentally enuhealthy actually to be like this, although I know when you're a black sheep this thought process can become way too common

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Will it eventually go away as I familiarize myself with it and eventually learn to love myself as I am?
    3/3
    Can't love yourself except in a narcissistic way unless you learn to also love others. even if you don't connect on everything.

    My best friend is my exact opposite and there's some things we can't talk about or it'll cause a huge argument but I love him and he loves me so I'm willing to accept him as he is and don't want him to change. Someone doesn't have to be exactly like you to connect with them, all that matters is that you're willing to make it work

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >pov: how life feels when you stop comparing yourself to others

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    hey why doesn't this thread have a poster count?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I have no idea, I noticed that too. Did they get rid of that feature?

      Just checked, yeah I guess they did lol.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Also, anxiety makes you make subtle facial expressions that tell the listener subconsciously to mistrust you. A warm smile is the opposite, but you can't force it or that will generate more mistrust. So maintaining this by maybe focusing on a positive memory or something you truly care about and that makes you happy can naturally give you a warm smile

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    you should be "around others" between 5-12 hours every day, and suddenly you'll stop overanalyzing everything and start fitting in. problem solved. your goals have to be aligned to the goals of other people, and then you learn to speak the same language. problem simple as, solved.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >coming into this thread and trying to undo 2 hours worth of legitimate advice with "yeah bro just stop being yoursf just be a slave to the Normie's you hate and never think about it again there problem solved"

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >stop being yourself
        Cuckold ass b***h, OP's whole point is that he is not comfortable with his own behavior. He is trying to turn it into a brain problem instead of an experience problem, but literally everything (100%) of what he said was an experience problem. If the feedback he got from his peers were relatively positive, he would love himself according to his own shitpost.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >If the feedback he got from his peers were relatively positive
          Then he needs to find better peers? He clearly said its because of isolation and lack of social acceptance. If you wana be a slave to some normies go ahead but get the frick out of this thread homosexual ass motherfricker

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >just be a slave to some morons on NSFFW who have no clue what they are talking about, and become more isolated and miserable
            Nah. I literally and unironically said that overanalyzing is bad. There's no nuance trolling or "legitimate advice" for OPs problems, he just needs experience. He can find better peers when he understands what better peers means from his own experience, not from what some cuck says online. Have sex

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >he just needs experience.
            Exactly what I've been telling him and giving him real advice on how to get there

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >OP has to leave the thread due to stress once you start posting
            Great job man really got somewhere didn't you

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This is true, but being around others for that long is unrealistically exhausting.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Train your brain to think that exhausting is good until you reach a point where you have confidence in yourself. You're not actually saving energy or time by living comfortably. Humans used to be students for most of their childhood and adolescence. You're not supposed to live like a retired old man.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >Hurr durr train your brain
          Ok there bootstraps. Maybe it's feasible, maybe not. The entire reason we're on here is that what came easy for others didn't fall into place for us due to genetics and upbringing.
          In my case, venturing out into the world and rawdogging it does not result in improvement and acceptance, but in homelessness and despair.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You're smart and yet too dumb to see, the problem is you care too much what the outcome of whatever you're doing is. The reasoning behind this stems from you expecting something from yourself, you expect a certain reaction from others. You SHOULDN'T love yourself if you're actually a loser, you should want to be someone better

    Embrace chaos and uncertainty, learn to enjoy that you can't determine what will happen sometimes. If everything in life went according to plan, was predictable, what would the fun or the point be? Sadly the smarter one is the wider the range of things you can predict will be

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >You SHOULDN'T love yourself if you're actually a loser, you should want to be someone better
      Can't want to get better unless you love yourself, do you think all the NEET Rotter's on here love themselves? No, they hate themselves. If they did learn to have any self esteem or self worth maybe they'd find the motivation to finally get better

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Sorry, I'm reading what everyone is saying but I get overwhelmed if I start thinking about everything in relation to myself too much and then it gets all fuzzy and anything I say is way too unprocessed. Just sucks since when I think it over, the thread will be 404'd by then lol.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *