How do I stop having a desire for love

Is there any way I can just psychologically snip myself into not caring about wanting to be with someone anymore? Then I can just focus on doing music shit for idk maybe 10 years and accomplish some things I've wanted to do and then just off myself early?

I don't want to feel these feelings anymore. I go outside, I talk to women. I don't smell like ass. There's lots at music shows, a lot are stuck up and cliquey but it's better than not trying. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. The apps don't work worth shit.

More importantly, why is this such a huge void I'm trying to fill in myself? I have been trying really hard to love myself, eating better, working out, doing things that make me feel accomplished but I still fall into such a horrific depression if I think too much about finding someone. Why does none of this register in my head that I love myself. I read into this once and it gave me a bunch of shit about the psychological aspect of it. Which idk how any of that shit works.

The back of my head tells me it's a dangerous idea, but how do I just remove these feelings from my head? Then I can focus more on the things that actually have visible outcomes that are good.

Is it all just desperation getting in my way? Do I just need to stop projecting this outwards and eventually it'll all work out? The chicks my age don't operate that way. As a guy you have to initiate everything. I don't even mind doing that honestly, I like it, I just wish they gave me more of a chance or whatever.

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    No you can't

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Unironically go on Crystal Cafe and read the things they have to say about men like you. You are literally the worst kind of frickboy and women can sense your insecurity farther than the most misogynistic incel.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm not even a frickboy lol I just want to be with someone. Honesntly never been into hookups.

      You're getting it mixed up. I'm getting these thoughts cause I just don't want to deal with the bullshit anymore. Sex included. Nott because I want to frick and sleep around without catching feelings.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Not him but this is sad. Can't really argue against this because it's difficult to put myself in the shoes of people who say this. But all people like me want at this point in their lives it to just accomplish something, hopefully make a positive change in the world, and then die. People like me have already given up, we've already come to terms that we will never be normal, never have love. We just want to stop feeling love, and carry on with our lives.

        We know that we'll never be emotionally available. We don't like having these feelings.

        Your mistake isnt having desire for love. Your mistake is you want love from women. Only person loves you unconditionally is Jesus Christ.

        I've also tried going this route, it does not work. Some people shouldn't be burdened by not wanting to experience love.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          OP here, thank you, you explained what I'm feeling exactly.

          I know that love is one of the most deep rooted and automatic feelings our brain produces but it causes enough problems that I don't want it to get in my way anymore.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          OP again, you mention "at this point in their lives", one of the I guess more unsettling things about the whole thing is I'm just 24

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I'm only 26, and this is scary for me as well. To those reading, just imagine being scared everyday for something so intangible, something purely theoretical: dying alone. It makes everything else suck. I'm not even a virgin, I didn't lose my virginity through prostitution as well. I had a gf of 4 years who tolerated me, I was "recovering" well, and some family members passed away and I handled it in the worst way possible. Brought the absolute worst out of my autistic tendencies. I have to live with wondering if this is really due to mental issues or if I'm just someone who genuinely deserves all this.

            Despite that, be optimistic OP. I still hold on to hope. I'm certain my heart is in the right place, and I'm hoping I can reintegrate into society again.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It's not even dying alone. I just want to feel the love of a woman. Genuine love and loyalty. That joyous obsession someone has over you. None of the other things I try to do to love myself seem to work in replacement of that. It's like how eating meat has enzymes and vitamins only found in meat itself that no supplement can replace in a vegan diet.

            We sound extremely similar in terms of circumstance, minus the losses in the family for me. I hope things get better for you as they may for myself.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >None of the other things I try to do to love myself seem to work in replacement of that.
            If you want love from others you have to love yourself. And you have to be alright with not everyone loving yourself. Take it as word of advice from someone who has been there.

            I hope things get better for you as well. The world may feel like it's against you, but there are other like me out there who understand you. Chin up, and keep fighting.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Thank you, but I must be doing something wrong then. I try to love myself, at least externally. I work out, I try to eat good as best I can, I've been doing more hobbies/things that I enjoy doing. Unless there's something I'm not doing, it's not working. There's something missing, I just don't know what it is and can't seem to find out what. What is the other part to "loving yourself" that I am not achieving?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >I try to love myself, at least externally.
            It's not enough. That's taking care of yourself is maybe half of "loving yourself". Think about it, love is not physical, is it? It's hard for me to love myself because of my past trauma, but I have to do it anyway. I have to find a way to love myself again, or else it will mean trouble for me.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I'm sorry if it's dumb repetitive questions, but I legitimately do not know. What is the other "half" then of loving yourself then? Like what are things you do? Is it things you do? Think to yourself? Say? I don't get it. If there are acts you can do to oneself for the physical then what do you do to love the mental/psychological/spiritual?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >What is the other "half" then of loving yourself then?
            You're taking care of your body, but you need to take care of your mind. "Why do I love myself?" You need to find reasons why you should be loved:

            > Because I'm really good at doing x
            > Because I've helped this person out
            > Because I'm really committed to accomplishing x in my lifetime

            It sounds like you're doing things for others to like you, but are you doing things for you to like yourself?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >It sounds like you're doing things for others to like you

            I think this might be it. This is all I've ever done for my entire life. Even just thinking over the examples and what you laid out seems insanely foreign to me.

            It could be from a couple different causes i can think of, but most of what I do is to just please other people. There's things I'm doing/working towards out of my own interest and volition that will make me feel good, per se, accomplishing etc, but it's never felt in the way you described. A lot of it is a stress/anxiety incentive "it's on me to do this for this person or else I'll let them down etc etc". Probbaly childhood trauma or some shit. My parents loved me, or I like to think they did, so idk where that's coming from.

            When I was together with my ex, I would do countless things to try and reassure myself I'm doing enough for her. Or to get the visible appreciation from her. Like, work myself into a tired mess or a frenzy.

            Or like, my mind just chalks up those examples you stated into nothing special.

            >Because I've helped this person out
            I don'tt see why this is a huge deal. I've just always tthought it's good to help people out with shit. A friend in another town asked me to book his band a gig in my town cause he hates our other promoters and I did without any prior experience. I don't really see the grandiose accomplishment in that though or why I'm so special. I was just helping a friend out. It's kind of funny you're telling me this now, as this occurred on Wednesday. I've always wanted to book local shows myself, and I did feel a crumb of self accomplishment in pulling off something I had a legit goal for. Still a lot of stress based propelment (friend would be pissed if I fumbled the gig) etc but you know what I mean.

            Same thing with the accomplishment thing. It's just stuff I want to do. I don't know why the "loving myself" gets lost in the process though

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            And my ex was super appreciative of all the things I'd do for her. Just to me internally, it never, ever felt like enough was being done for her. Maybe she didn't show it in a way I could see it and know she was thankful, idk. It's not her fault.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >I don't really see the grandiose accomplishment in that though or why I'm so special.
            I'm not American so I'm assuming you're saying that you helped your friends play in a concert. I have a few friends into music production, so if I ever helped any of them out like that I would definitely feel good about myself. What if they catch a break on this gig? It could be life-changing for them, or it could just be another experience they really like despite not achieving stardom. Either way, you've helped them out in a way nobody else did/could.

            That's essentially what I'm getting at, it's a bit of ego for sure, but does that mean it's a bad thing to feel that way? Definitely not, the scenarios I described are definitely possible.

            And my ex was super appreciative of all the things I'd do for her. Just to me internally, it never, ever felt like enough was being done for her. Maybe she didn't show it in a way I could see it and know she was thankful, idk. It's not her fault.

            I actually have a similar experience, so it just may be that we're going through something quite similar mentally. What I wish I did was say to myself that "she's doing enough". My ex sent me letters she was writing to me, but kept to herself until a later time. 2 years after writing letters, she finally sent them to me around the time we were breaking up. I wish I took her word for the things I did for her. She was truly greatful, but at some point I refused to believe that this walking ball of grief and depression could ever make anyone happy.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah, they were doing a short tour with a band from the East Coast and asked me to book/promote a show for them in my town on a certain night. After the venue took a cut of the door sales for paying security/sound guy etc i gave 3 bands every cent of the money. None for myself, because lots of promoters here keep more money for tthemselves than paying the bands which is beyond shitty. I don't even want to make any money from this either, as long as I break even I'll be happy. I just want to help my friends get a spot to perform in town and bring bands I like here since before they never would.

            I wouldn't say it's a bad thing to feel good, the feeling just never comes to me either way.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >the feeling just never comes to me either way.
            Yeah I'd say that you won't *feel* anything outright. I also have issues with taking drugs to feel better, really just weed and occasionally modafinil and LSD, so I used to expect doing these things and *feeling* better like it was a drug. Foolish. Doing deeds like that should make you feel good about yourself because of the efforts you made to help someone else and how much it impacts them positively.

            Maybe as an exercise you can write down this accomplishment, and map out how much of an impact it's made on people.

            > I did this thing. It helped out persons A, B, C. It required me to do steps 1, 2, 3...

            This sounds like a dumb preschool exercise, but honestly I should really do that more because clearly I have issues with appreciating myself. Something that has been taught to kids very early has been lost to me due to the burdens of life.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Also, I know I risk being involved in another pointless NSFFW debate thread, but be wary of people like

            >just want to feel the love of a woman. Genuine love and loyalty.

            I’m about to say the realest thing you will ever hear in your entire life so listen good. Women cannot love men unconditionally with 100% sincerity. It’s biologically impossible for them. The only things a woman can love unconditionally is a pet and her children. Women love men for what they provide, not for who they are. Society tells us that women are the romantic gender, which simply isn’t true. I hate that it’s like this, but try to keep these facts in mind when you find yourself craving a woman’s love. It simply dosent exist.

            . Again, I'm saying this based on experience. I can empathise with the other anon, I have felt that way in moments in my life. It's not the right way to look at things, don't blame other people regardless of their gender. That's biology messing with your reasoning, focus on the core issues.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >just want to feel the love of a woman. Genuine love and loyalty.

            I’m about to say the realest thing you will ever hear in your entire life so listen good. Women cannot love men unconditionally with 100% sincerity. It’s biologically impossible for them. The only things a woman can love unconditionally is a pet and her children. Women love men for what they provide, not for who they are. Society tells us that women are the romantic gender, which simply isn’t true. I hate that it’s like this, but try to keep these facts in mind when you find yourself craving a woman’s love. It simply dosent exist.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            What is your definition of love?
            I mean, I would assume all the people who are married, and one of them gets cancer, and then they still work stuff oit together and stay married are in love with each other.
            I know that happens.

            My homie, it’s 100% true. Obviously not EVERY woman is like that, but I’d unironically say like 97% of the female population are manipulating, lying, unloyal prostitutes. It’s literally in their biological nature. If you don’t believe me, you obviously either never been with a woman, or you’re too blind to see their actual motives. A woman CANNOT love you unconditionally like a man can. When the chips are down, they will see you as weak and pathetic. It’s in their biological nature to pursue the “best” male in the tribe. As soon as you show weakness or frick up, her opinion of you will shatter and she’ll go talk to one of the other 15+ guys that are in her rotation. It’s just how it is.

            What I don't know is what "best" means.
            Like the best person to do the fricky-wucky and show it all about? The one that gives her the most moola?
            Everyone (including men) want the best out of relationships, and usually communication is whats needed. Dropping someone that you've put all this effort into is a risky opinion no matter what (slightly due to sunk cost fallacy).

            https://i.imgur.com/D9v3OpR.jpeg

            Is there any way I can just psychologically snip myself into not caring about wanting to be with someone anymore? Then I can just focus on doing music shit for idk maybe 10 years and accomplish some things I've wanted to do and then just off myself early?

            I don't want to feel these feelings anymore. I go outside, I talk to women. I don't smell like ass. There's lots at music shows, a lot are stuck up and cliquey but it's better than not trying. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. The apps don't work worth shit.

            More importantly, why is this such a huge void I'm trying to fill in myself? I have been trying really hard to love myself, eating better, working out, doing things that make me feel accomplished but I still fall into such a horrific depression if I think too much about finding someone. Why does none of this register in my head that I love myself. I read into this once and it gave me a bunch of shit about the psychological aspect of it. Which idk how any of that shit works.

            The back of my head tells me it's a dangerous idea, but how do I just remove these feelings from my head? Then I can focus more on the things that actually have visible outcomes that are good.

            Is it all just desperation getting in my way? Do I just need to stop projecting this outwards and eventually it'll all work out? The chicks my age don't operate that way. As a guy you have to initiate everything. I don't even mind doing that honestly, I like it, I just wish they gave me more of a chance or whatever.

            Also OP, I wish you the best of luck. Maybe just try to keep in your rhythms and habits, and go with the flow? Even if you decide to stop pursuing women doesn't mean you have to stop loving yourself (like you said). I think you may be in an overthinking/planning spiral.
            So best of luck!

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >not a virgin, but still scared of dying alone
            >autistic tendencies
            >mental issues or if I'm just someone who genuinely deserves all this
            >still optimistic

            Aside from actually being in a relationship, are you literally me? Not that I haven't had the chance, I've had plenty of flirts, but that's besides the point. I've always felt like I didn't belong in society. It's not that I don't understand other people, but I've always been frustrated with the fact that they've seemingly never made an attempt to understand me, which makes me depressed and isolate myself. This in turn makes me feel like I've always deserved the treatment I get, so I try to compensate by being a genuinely good person, whatever that entails. I guess I'm also just subconsciosly repenting for things that have happened or I've done throughout my life. I bear that kind of pain alone because it's the only fricking thing I know and I don't want to burden my friends or family with it, so I just put on a facade wherever I go. It feels shameful to reach out about that sort of thing because "I'm sad because no gf" sounds a lot more pathetic than "I'm sad because my fricking dad died".

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How are they able to sniff out insecurity but not toxicity? Makes absolutely no sense. I swear to God women are like fricking aliens

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I know that feel bro. I don’t want anything to do with women because I know how evil and manipulative most of them are, but I can’t get rid of that biological need to be with one of them. I absolutely hate myself. I just want to focus on my career and writing hobbies and then off myself at like 35. Is that too much to ask?

      >just want to feel the love of a woman. Genuine love and loyalty.

      I’m about to say the realest thing you will ever hear in your entire life so listen good. Women cannot love men unconditionally with 100% sincerity. It’s biologically impossible for them. The only things a woman can love unconditionally is a pet and her children. Women love men for what they provide, not for who they are. Society tells us that women are the romantic gender, which simply isn’t true. I hate that it’s like this, but try to keep these facts in mind when you find yourself craving a woman’s love. It simply dosent exist.

      Holy shit incels need to be put down. No one is talking about women/gender/sex. That is not what this thread is about.

      Im gay. Life feels pointless without connection. Im distant from my family and I was never close with my friends. Its horrifying feeling this alone. Its horrifying feeling like you will never be able to speak openly or be yourself around another person. Ive already coped with most likely spending my life alone, but that doesnt get rid of loneliness and longing for just connecting with someone else. I very much relate to you op, I just want to stop thinking about progress, otherwise I realize theres no reason for me to be here.

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Your mistake isnt having desire for love. Your mistake is you want love from women. Only person loves you unconditionally is Jesus Christ.

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I know that feel bro. I don’t want anything to do with women because I know how evil and manipulative most of them are, but I can’t get rid of that biological need to be with one of them. I absolutely hate myself. I just want to focus on my career and writing hobbies and then off myself at like 35. Is that too much to ask?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >I absolutely hate myself. I just want to focus on my career and writing hobbies and then off myself at like 35. Is that too much to ask?
      That's pretty much exactly what I keep coming back to

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >I don’t want anything to do with women because I know how evil and manipulative most of them are
      Let me stop you right there bro, this is not constructive behaviour for you or society. I'm not OP, but you're looking at this from a very dark angle. When you start to blame others for who you are it never leads to a path of happiness. Please, take heed.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        My homie, it’s 100% true. Obviously not EVERY woman is like that, but I’d unironically say like 97% of the female population are manipulating, lying, unloyal prostitutes. It’s literally in their biological nature. If you don’t believe me, you obviously either never been with a woman, or you’re too blind to see their actual motives. A woman CANNOT love you unconditionally like a man can. When the chips are down, they will see you as weak and pathetic. It’s in their biological nature to pursue the “best” male in the tribe. As soon as you show weakness or frick up, her opinion of you will shatter and she’ll go talk to one of the other 15+ guys that are in her rotation. It’s just how it is.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I can feel your hurt. That's all I can say.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Keep denying facts bro. You’ll learn sooner or later. OP remember what I said, it’s the most important knowledge of your life.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >it's literally in their biological nature
          So is in men's biological nature to be mindless, aggressive predator apes. Sure let's keep in mind the worst possible traits of human nature when navigating human kind but don't get stuck on this thinking every person you meet is a raging selfish psycho underneath waiting to unveal themselves.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/29468660/#q29468675
    https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/31186498/#31186520

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You don't. We are supposed to love and be loved. It was a basic, normal thing until very recently. Finding someone that is worth it is hard work. Get to it and don't get discouraged. You WILL find it. Took me like 13 years of dating bullshit before finding the one I am with now. I've been stabbed, two seperate times, by crazy women. I didn't give up. I kept looking for love. And it was totally fricking worth it. That woman saved my life.

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