how do you get over the fact that your relationship is coming to its natural end?

been with my boyfriend for three years and i'm still deathly attached to him and in love with him, but i've noticed these past few months he's gotten slack and has withdrawn himself from me. he says he is depressed but forgets that he's been a doomer this whole time anyway. it's breaking my heart and i seriously feel that im experiencing our relationship falling apart whilst im in it. any advice? he promised me we would have the rest of our lives together.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >im experiencing our relationship falling apart whilst im in it
    I mean, they seldomly fall apart whilst you are not in then anymore now, do they?
    Basically, it sounds like being with you makes him feel like he has to be more functional than he is and that makes him want to pull away.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      i mean yes, but what i really mean is that this has hit me way fricking harder than any other relationship ive been in

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Ok. Idk what to tell you. Either you are making him feel bad with your behavior or by just existing. Sounds like he would be miserable anyways, so there really is not much you can do except try to be allowed to stay around if he wants to be left alone.

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Idk if this is relatable but when me n my now wife we’re dating long distance & I had to spend x amount of months in a different country I got pretty depressed (I have on n off long periods all my life) and didn’t wanna give her the time of day.
    It really had nothing to do with her, I jus couldn’t bear the idea of speaking with anyone really. She later admitted to me that she was completely surprised when I proposed shortly after this trip because she was convinced I was gonna break up with her. We been living together for over a year now, and we’ve gotten really good. Moving in for the first time lead to a lot of issues but we just figured it out with eachothers support & trying to communicate properly, as adults should attempt to do. Anyways idk if this is relatable or helpful at all but I guess

    Good luck anon

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Addendum;
      In retrospect, there was nothing she could have done for me to help. I really jus wanted her to leave me the frick alone tbh. I felt bad & I felt even worse thinking that I was dragging her down in my current mental state.

      Ofc, I don’t know ur boyfriend n he might very well be sick of your shit & hates you. Or maybe he really loves you and is DYING for your support.
      I’m just speaking from personal experience that it REALLY had NOTHING to do with my wife. I jus wanted to be left alone.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >I jus wanted to be left alone.
        Can confirm. As someone depressed in a relationship, i do not want any „help“ or „support“, i just want to be left the frick alone. I will come back out of my cave when i feel like it. Trying to pressure me to „get better“ will do the opposite and it will just make me pull away more. If i need this rest from social interactions, someone forcing themselves on me or making me feel bad for needing distance will make me stonewall them hard because they just proved that they do not care for what i need but want me to perform for their own peace of mind.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    He told you he's been feeling depressed. Maybe focus on that first since that can definitely have rammifications for his social and close relationships. Maybe help him figure out what he can do to better himself, instead of assuming that he's just a sexy emo doomer that should anyways always have hearts for you

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You need to express your feelings. Letting yourself stew in unhappiness will not improve your relationship.

      you dont get it, ive been as supportive as my existence allows me to be. i've also been vocal about my feelings. he says he doesnt hate me but he lies a lot. he might be sick of me, but all i was asking for is some advice to overcome this massive emotional hurdle

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I would be sick of someone that makes me feel bad for needing space when going trough a depressive phase too.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          i have tried my hardest to not make him feel bad though

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Thats the problem. Your role is to do nothing about it. Not smother. Let him do his thing. This has nothing to do with you.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            yeah alright, thanks

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You need to express your feelings. Letting yourself stew in unhappiness will not improve your relationship.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Youre making a classic mistake where you think everything your partner thinks feels and does has anything to do with you.

    You said hes depressed. You said hes doing things that would cause someone to be depressed. So he is depressed for those reasons and not because he diesnt love you or the relationship is over. Hes in a rut. We all have them. Youd have them if you were together forever. Imagine you were feeling down and his knee jerk reaction was "Well i guess this whole relationship is coming down".

    Tbh theres not a whole lot you can do for someone else, everyones gotta help themselves, but nothing you said at all says "the relationship is falling apart"

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    He's reminding me of me, I can't tell if I'm depressed because I want to leave, or if I want to leave because I'm depressed. The answer is probably both.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Clinical psychgay
      :

      Or third option, somethings amiss in your endocrine system which is causing all these thoughts to begin with.

      Im telling you, are you done with the relationship? A maybe. But depression never comes with that. Thats a problem eirh yohr life. Leaving her wont fix that, in fact itll probably make it worse.

      Goals should be more building out your life and getting more for yourself. (Also a biochemistry test wouldnt hurt). If shes an obstacle, thats a fair justification for leaving.

      But a huge mistake people make, its depression first, thoughts and justification after. Your body isnt working right (for a million possible reasons) and youre holding her and the relationship responsible when thats definitely not whats doing it. Thats just the byproduct of your original issue. If you break up with her youre gonna find yourself still at square one because theres still a lot of restructuring needed in your life to beat that feeling. And like i said, coild be a lot of things. Sedentary lifestyle, a nutrition issue, hypothyroidism. List goes on. You literally could be low on b12 even. Like this shit can he so trivial, or so complex its wild.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Yes you're right in a way because I was in a better mood with clear goals etc... and didn't think about leaving for some weeks. But right now I have a very hard time spending a few hours with a consistent mood. Also not a bad idea doing a check up. I'm very active and eat mostly ok but I wouldn't be surprised if something was wrong.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >he promised me we would have the rest of our lives together.
    This is just talk unless he actually marries you

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I only ever pulled away from my past girls when they were emotionally unavailable, or physically.

    What is the relationship quality? Do you talk to him about substantive things? Do you interact together and do activities? Are you receptive to his flirting, etc? Does he flirt?

    Sex wise - often? is it good? open communication? etc

    nobody is fat or ugly?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      He doesn’t flirt much anymore but the sex is good most of the time. We talk most days about a lot of things.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Can you not use capital letters?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Ridiculous that you’ve got a bone to pick with that. Has nothing to do with the post. Was typing on a computer and couldn’t be fricked

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >couldn't be fricked

        if anything that anon is perceptive and saw through the guise.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >can't event be fricked pressing shift
        >wonders why their boyfriend is distancing themselves

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Again lmfao. If you’re judging my relationship based off of the fact I didn’t shift when I typed this post. Where’s the correlation? moron

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Older f here , I wasted many years on my first ever relationship, he had depression and would ignore me to play videogames 12 hours or more a day , I loved him but was too much to deal with , don't waste your youth on a man unless he can at least look after himself and his mental health, give him a chance of course to try help himself but don't wait years to see what happens

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >dates a man for 3 years
    >starts planning her exit when he gets depressed

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      How deluded. Did you even read the post? He’s been depressed the whole time. It is only now that he’s started to slack off for lack of better words

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    My last relationship is coming to an end? Here I was, thinking that it ended 2 years ago. No no, how wrong I've been, it's only now just coming to a close. Man, what am I gonna do.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Wish I knew. I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend, except she's always been like this (also three years) and I'm only now starting to realise that I don't need to stay in a relationship that hurts me so much. We see each other and talk so infrequently that it's hard even to find the time to talk about these problems.

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