How is dealing with a raped girlfriend?

My girlfriend has been raped since she remembers until she was around 13 or when she started puberty. She likes to be beaten up, like choked, slapped, woken up to sleep, all this awful stuff that has happened to her since she was a baby. She is a 10/10 to me (pic related) so I want to treat her nice apparently guys used her for sex a lot after her dad has been raping her. Idk if anyone has any tips on this, I got a really cute but emotionally damage girl and I want to do the right things with her, I love her. I've had a BPD gf before and she displays none of those traits but I don't know how to deal with trauma of this kind. Thanks anons!

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You can't fix her.
    What happened to her was awful, but part of the reason why it's so heinous is the severe damage it does to a person's psyche. It can make them incapable of relating to others in a healthy way, and it's basically unchangeable without their own will to change and superhuman dedication in making that change stick.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      her brain has been permanently modified and the way she funtions as a human has been altered permanently by a series of traumas.
      my gf has also been raped and also likes that stuff.
      the only way is to treat said trauma with a professional that knows what he's doing.

      i would really not like to believe this. i have had a similar childhood to OP's girlfriend and i do not want to be permanently changed. i don't want to feel a need to imitate what i used to have to deal with but i am really scared that if i ever get into a relationship i will or might need to or something. i am doing my best to be healthy and i haven't had sex with anybody of my own choice yet. masturbation feels like torture already. i really want to believe that i could find somebody who would love me enough that i won't have any desire for darker things.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I have a similar problem after being abused throughout my childhood. Its best to see a professional specializing in trauma/abuse, bonus points if they have experience with sex therapy. A good way to ease into it is the book Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz. It helped me a lot.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Reading it now thanks.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      her brain has been permanently modified and the way she funtions as a human has been altered permanently by a series of traumas.
      my gf has also been raped and also likes that stuff.
      the only way is to treat said trauma with a professional that knows what he's doing.

      I’m honestly surprised y’all are so understanding and respectful, going through rape/sexual abuse isn’t as uncommon as it seems. I agree with the two attached replies. Everyone who’s gone through rape or sexual abuse will have different reactions and experiences but make sure you’re communicating with her and checking in about boundaries/comfort levels (like the red, yellow, green safe words).

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        anon is a good boyfriend! he just needs to find the part of him that hates women so he can rape his gf properly and then he can allow his default loving nature to return. find your shadow anon!

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    her brain has been permanently modified and the way she funtions as a human has been altered permanently by a series of traumas.
    my gf has also been raped and also likes that stuff.
    the only way is to treat said trauma with a professional that knows what he's doing.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >treat said trauma with a professional that knows what he's doing.
      You mean giving her what she really wants on the side so your vanilla marriage can work?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      L take. Identifying incorrect mental habits and unlearning them is doable while alone.
      The problem is identifying what a healthier habit might be, and why you might want to train it. Therapists help with that. But once you already know what you want to change and why you want to change it you can just do that.

  3. 2 months ago
    None

    Better ask this on quora. Hope you'll get the desired answers there

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      her brain has been permanently modified and the way she funtions as a human has been altered permanently by a series of traumas.
      my gf has also been raped and also likes that stuff.
      the only way is to treat said trauma with a professional that knows what he's doing.

      You can't fix her.
      What happened to her was awful, but part of the reason why it's so heinous is the severe damage it does to a person's psyche. It can make them incapable of relating to others in a healthy way, and it's basically unchangeable without their own will to change and superhuman dedication in making that change stick.

      >I had sex without getting something for it, this is LE BAD
      kek, lots of flapping in these post. She's fine

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        My gf of 3 years had a similar experience of sexual abuse from her father. She tells me a big thing is not dismissing her feelings as results of her trauma, since often people do. Care for her emotionally, hold her when she cries unless she's not into it, recognize her triggers, and listen as much as you can.
        There's a ton more you can learn on loving an SA survivor (google is super helpful) and don't listen to the people here who have little to no idea on what they're talking about.

        i mostly mean

        L take. Identifying incorrect mental habits and unlearning them is doable while alone.
        The problem is identifying what a healthier habit might be, and why you might want to train it. Therapists help with that. But once you already know what you want to change and why you want to change it you can just do that.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I would like more details. I recently started talking to a girl who claimed rape and really wasn't sure how to handle it. It didn't work out, but there were a million red flags, and I was weak and dumb to even let her come at me. Her family is completely fricked up and claims different stories, but I never got into the nitty gritty of it. I thought I would avoid pressing her on it, and was nothing but respectful.

    Her entire story is complicated but I'm pretty sure she's a prostitute, and I eventually came to realize how damaged she is by observing her behavior and responses. Nothing she says is ever straightforward. She says alls this shit about knowing how to get out of things, and complains about men all the time, but is very immature and wouldn't know how to appreciate one if she could.

    I should also mention that she came onto me, and hard, and we messed around a little, but it escalated quickly. Too quickly. She kinda started by trying to throw herself at me, offered to show me pics of her, but never let me actually take her out. I tried to slow things down, refused to see any nudes until the time came. I flirted and felt her up some though cuz she was into it, and it got us both going. I wasn't a b***h about that stuff at all, but I thought trying to do the right thing would help, like maybe she needed a good man in her life, but clearly she doesn't want what's good for her, and monkey branched to some other loser who participates in her degenerate habits. We had nothing in common either so it's for the best.

    Don't become too emotionally attached too soon. That's all I learned. But I kinda don't believe the girl in my situation. Seems more like an excuse to avoid facing her own prostituteish behavior, but I literally can't know when all she does is lie and avoid. Also, if your gut is telling you something, you should definitely explore that feeling. I went into my situation wanting to see the good, and eventually that want faded to my common sense and judgement.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Haven't dated anyone who was raped, but I have been and known a lot of others that have been. Trust issues are to be expected, but they're combated by genuine kindness and trust. The same things you should be trying to establish in your relationship regardless.

    Be mindful your interactions with others if she's present. You can't always afford the consideration and good treatment of others if it could be construed by her as her not being the primary object of your focus at all times. Rather than trying to reconcile it by explaining the situation to her, explain the situation to everyone else.

    Make her feel desired and safe. Her mindset very well could be something akin to "me vs. the world" and you could make a huge difference by nurturing a shift to "us vs. the world". This goes for any relationship and is especially important here, but expect to receive the reciprocal love, respect, and loyalty from her not by asking for it, but demonstrating it firsthand.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Thank you I'll do my best buy she's too dependant on me. I'm worried about it getting worst.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    NSFFW is not the place for advice on this topic.
    That said, she's just a human being - just love her and do your best and don't try to fix her.

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    My ex was abused as a kid to the point that she couldn't give head.
    Dated her for years but eventually the c**tiness, insecurities and lies overshadowed everything else.
    They either need SERIOUS rehabilitation, or they're just broken forever.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      My girlfriend doesn't do that she cries so I'm nice to her since shes just sad

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >the c**tiness, insecurities and lies overshadowed everything else.

      Same experience, she said she was raped at 9 and then again in college but the compulsive lying and constant story changing means I don't even know if any of it is true, she might have just been an insane prostitute who lied about being raped for sympathy and attention and I'll probly never know

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    This gives me that strange déjà vu feeling. I'll just tell you how it ended for me, she liked to be beaten up, choked and all that stuff you mentioned. It almost feels like you're talking about her.

    She was madly in love with me until she wasn't, she was having orgies with her and ex and his friends and currently she's carrying child of her father's friend (somewhere around 55) who raped her when she was 12. She's the most terrible person I've had the chance to know. You need to dump her before she'll do something crazy or before you get attached.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I've dated a bpd girl and this girl is as wholesome as possible. I've also had the same kind of girl you describe except her dad was the one that molested her. I don't see any bad signs, I think I have a good stress responder.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >she was madly in love with me until she wasn't
        She may have had BPD which is basically a relationship death sentence. what OP is describing is a girl who DOESN'T split. actual grail.

        I don't think you posted here for advice, it's more like see I'm dating a 10/10. Just get your head out of your ass or you might frick it up homosexual.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >she was madly in love with me until she wasn't
      She may have had BPD which is basically a relationship death sentence. what OP is describing is a girl who DOESN'T split. actual grail.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >She likes to be beaten up, like choked, slapped
    Niiiiiiiice. Well I guess you'll just have to rape her and choke her and beat her so she feels loved. It's a terrible burden and somebody's got to do it now that her dad's out of the picture. Nobody will do it nicer than you.

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >How is dealing with a raped girlfriend?
    Depends on person.
    Some women are like "I will use my personal experience as an excuse to not be attracted to you and not be comfortable with sex. I will remain traumatised and that's your problem lol"
    Some women are like "I don't like having trauma or having an unloving relationship. I will instead decide that sex with you is actually pretty good and not the same thing as rape."
    On this side of the internet, I can't tell.

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    literally perfect. a sweet girl who wants to be raped in the bedroom and DOESN"T have bpd??? you have hit the lottery. Marry and impregnate her immediately. are you insane? beat her up in the bedroom and then cuddle and love her. that sounds like heaven I mean literally hallelujah. Y have what I am doing everything in my power to get. I will get what you have. I will. I swear I will.

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    She needs trauma counselling and you need to be understanding and gentle. Even so there is a good chance you'll wake up one day with a knife in your chest or your own dick in your mouth.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Who would legitimately post his girlfriend or relative on NSFFW?

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Good luck

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