I broke up with my ex gf like 9 months ago.

I broke up with my ex gf like 9 months ago. I suspected she was a narcissist afterwards when I learned what they are and tried so hard to get over it. I never did. We work together so I still see her, we talk, it doesn't lead to anything good, just more fighting. I just don't know how to get over it. I go on and off dating apps just trying to frick and it makes me feel like a piece of shit. I honestly don't know what advice I'm looking for, but I just feel like shit and like even 9 months later, I do not feel capable of forming a new healthy relationship. I've tried forming new hobbies, and thats something, but I still feel empty and alone and not proud of myself.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Ignore her at work?
    Work on your codependency issues.
    Learn to like being alone

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I keep forgetting that I thought maybe she was a narcissist and I thought that continually watching videos about it to reassure myself that thats what it was would delay the healing process.

      You're right on all points though. I have to start fresh again tomorrow and I did used to love being alone.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        get a new job dude

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          and shes the one who last said she wants to move, but I'm stuck with her for the good part of this year at least.

          I'm mostly concerned about myself I guess. Its going to take some time to make myself happy again. I'm doing the right things except when I do talk to her again.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            You'll be happy, it'll take a while

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I can't believe its been this long. We were only together a year and a half. Lived together for a year tho. Its hard to dig myself out of the hole I've dug tho, like excess drinking. She has some app that she can text me from even when I block her to lol. So I'm wondering if there's even a point in blocking her.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I'll figure it out, but at least today I'm revisiting the idea maybe she was a narcissist and I just forgot. I'm no psychology major.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            She wasn't narcissist. She probably had issues She didn't resolve or tell you about. Make sure to lock up any important thing so she doesn't steal your personal information

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            She is kind enough to not do anything illegal. I think she was a narcissist because of the way she described her upbringing and I don't think she knows. And maybe you're right too, I know she had a LTR where her ex was evil as frick and maybe that's why she is compelled to hate men and treat me like shit and make me doubt myself. Idk why she treated me so shitty when I was so nice to her. It always seems like she does something that crosses the line then somehow I forget about it. She does gaslight and even her previous ex told her that and she asked me what gaslighting was. We were just trying to go on a date and she pissed me off so I called the date off, then later shes saying she was just joking. I legit feel bad for her, but if she can't give me respect and openly communicate, I guess I can't deal with it.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        and its fricking sad because I wish even knowing if she is a narcissist I could make it work. I feel bad for her, but I guess I'm getting to a point I feel bad for myself lol.

        get a new job dude

        Its hard. I can avoid her though. I tried changing job locations, but I ended up with a shitty schedule and no OT so I came back.

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Narcissist
    Narcissism is fake and gay.
    No, nobody on earth thinks exactly like you do and you're moronic for expecting them to see things how you do and entirely prioritize what you want over themselves. I hate narcitards so much it's unreal. Fakest mentall illness ever.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Well I kind of doubt it too, but at the very least I wanted to be treated nicely. Why does she keep coming back, but only to be spiteful?

      And partly its my fault that I'm lacking self control. I never got myself feeling better and I just don't care enough yet to improve myself.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Well she may well be an insecure b***h, THAT, can be real, you can define that solidly.
        She has to want something, then. Maybe in some way she does want you back but she doesn't understand anything except power shit so she feels the compulsion to do that. Women like her do not operate on rational thought, if there's a why, then it's an emotional one.

        As for yourself, I feel you. The thing with discipline is that it's not about making yourself feel like doing anything. It's about learning to do things even if you don't feel like it. So suck it up, cut your distractions, get a routine going. If you make it a habit you won't come up with as many excuses to start, you just do it. The only way to get self control is to want it.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >Well she may well be an insecure b***h
          Yes I agree with that. I was powerless to ever change her mood. But that's what kind of sucks is that I keep thinking "shes just insecure" and I should try to get her back. This is why I'd rather believe she is a narcissist because I don't think she will ever change from being a b***h. I'm a big loner so I never had friends to talk to when we were together. I think anyone would tell me stay away. Before I go to bed tonight I will block her # again, even though today she text me from some other # she had used before. I think its through some app. I just want to see if she says any last things for today and then back to not talking and I'm not going to talk about her. I only talked about her today because like I said we had a date planned and someone was like, hey shes over there so I said we aren't talking again I cancelled it because she pissed me off even if she was just teasing.

          >get a routine going
          Totally agree with this advice for me. I get there and then I lose it a bit. The holidays fricked with me a bit. That and of course trying the dating apps out, thinking of ways to meet new women. Snow too stopped some plans.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            And we did have great times together, infact a lot of our time was great, but idk if it was hormones or what because yeah seemed like PMSing and her birth control gave her like 2 weeks in a month of being a complete b***h, and it got worse and worse. But ever since the break up she almost doesn't show any nicety anymore and I get it, I broke up with her. But it just isn't attractive if she really wanted me back. I keep feeling bad as if she can't control her narcissism or maybe shes just insecure.

            ANYWAY. I'm glad to get some of it off my chest. I know I need to focus on myself. I have to decide now its time to let it end. And I can't be friends even.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      It's just codependency you don't have to talk to someone and there's legal means to stop them if it becomes a problem. Op describes an easily escapable situation while trying to paint the target as a monster if you're sitting there watching YouTube videos instead of going to a therapist for some form of real education and help you're just trying to find tools to discredit people. If the person actually had it and they cared for them they wouldn't act like this they wouldve brought it up a long time ago and gave an ultimatum unless they had some form of mental illness or codependency. Narcissism is definitely real but it's also the biggest excuse right now to use against someone that you just don't like. Just say you don't like them and quit talking to them actually tell them that then go the legal route if it's still a problem

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        It was only after we broke up I learned of the label.
        I wanted to get back together to see if I could deal with it and work something out, but I guess its not possible. I tried. She won't be a problem if I don't let it be, its just this had to be the last time we tried talking and I'm done. I'll be friends, sure. But there will be no more games.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Any chance your ranting about your life story that had nothing to do with the post at the end and talking about how everyone loves you might be an indication that you're a narcissist trying to justify themselves? Sounds like the triangulation from above that guy posted.
          "I always come out on top" you said that just remember that.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I mean I come out on top of my own problems. I was trying to be general and optimistic that maybe I'll give back advice.

            and how "everyone loves me" I just mean in relation to the poster showing me triangulation, I just doubt she can succeed is all. She can't turn work against me.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Well good luck with whatever you do buddy just remember check yourself before you wreck yourself.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            the only reason I'm replying anyway is cause the thread isn't dead yet, but I kind of want it to. I guess I can close the tab and get on with life, but I'm open for differing opinions. I think I've just made up my mind to steer clear and it'll take time to figure out how to heal because I let myself be alone.

            Well good luck with whatever you do buddy just remember check yourself before you wreck yourself.

            Thank you, but you I didn't get my point across. I just thank the /adv/ for once and hope I can give back someday. I used to be a lot more optimistic. It was a good quality.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Well keep in mind that a need for attention and telling people all your great qualities unrequested is a bad sign have a good one.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled."

    The narcissist never loved you.
    Narcissist doesn’t loves you and will never love you. Narcissist people are damaged people with zero empathy, they are disabled to love. What you feel is emotional dependency not love, otherwise you will not feel without energy just for interact with her.

    Your principal issue is that you are an emphatic person so you keep seeing her and treating her as a normal person but she is not a normal person, she is a damaged person, she will never be reciprocal with you for the simple reason she is not a normal person.

    You must apply the "zero contact" technique:
    >Block her of everything(phone, email, discord, etc)
    >Change of job
    >Dont go to places you know you could find her(like her favorite coffe shop)
    >For a while don't interact with people you know she will use to get in contact with you again.

    You could think that everything is something extreme, but then remember what are the other personality disorders from the B cluster which Narcissistic personality disorder belong: antisocial personality disorder, Bipolar personality disorder, etc.

    Here some videos to move on:
    https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/26895825/#q26895889

    If you have more question just tell me.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      a thought just occurred to me but do narcissists cry when you do? I've seen her cry a few times and always was one of the worst feelings in the world.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >but do narcissists cry when you do?

        It's called manipulation. They don't feel empathy but they are able to emulate it because they are expert manipulators so they are a kind of human radar that is able to recognize a prey.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          maybe so. I was thinking specifically of when my cat died and she didn't like when i was crying. its over anyway. can;'t sleep much tonight have to work in a few hours.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >I was thinking specifically of when my cat died and she didn't like when i was crying

            Again, the narcissist has zero empathy. If she is happy everybody must be happy too. If she is sad everybody must sad too.
            In her damaged mind she translated this situation in this:
            >this dead animal is taking away the attention i deserve from this guy
            >this dead animal is doing at my expenses!
            >i must be the center of attention not this dead animal!

            That's how it "works" narcissist logic. They are damaged persons.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Let me rephrase your question so I better understand.
    "I broke up with someone under a year ago. I see her literally every day, communicate with her, and emotionally invest in arguments. Why can't I get over her?"
    Does that help contextualize it? You are not giving yourself the opportunity of space and distance, and as such, your heart is not able to heal.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      yeah sounds about right bro. I'm just going to ignore her at work. I think we both pissed eachother off enough at this point to not try again.

      Thanks /adv/ for once you guys came through.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >I'm just going to ignore her at work
        >no change of jpb
        Enjoy your narcissist trangulation

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I ain't qualified for any jobs. Its just a big ass warehouse. I can manage to not see her at all. I was avoiding her for like 2 months when I came back entirely until someone decided to see if we wanted to talk again.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >I'm just going to ignore her at work
            >no change of jpb
            Enjoy your narcissist trangulation

            I'm trying to let the thread die, but everyone at work loves me. I'm a huge loner outside of work so I did always rely on my work friends. So when I did try to change jobs and no one spoke any english it was really making me insane. I came back to work in the same building as her, but not necessarily anywhere near her. That's one thing. I don't think she can convince anyone that I was in the wrong and thats why I occasionally get asked. She never tells anyone why I broke up with her and neither do I. So people come to their own conclusions. Either way, I only see people in passing and at least today I just ignored everyone who didn't matter anymore. I didn't have any unnecessary conversations, just bullshitting and story telling to pass the time. Little bit of getting back to who I was before. I used to be a shit load more friendly til she started shutting down my social network. I'll never act the same again at work, but thats alright, I am finding new hobbies. Maybe planning to go to bars or seeing where dating apps get me just for even the most casual date.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            also thanks again everyone who had something to say, it meant a lot. I'm not asking for more. I'm wishing you all well in what ever you guys have going on. I used to love giving advice and maybe I will again. My own best advice I always tell myself is a few cheesy phrases, but I live by knowing there is always a tomorrow. I lived past thinking I wouldn't see one for decades now thinking i'd not have reason to live past 16. Life kept going and getting better, and even when facing new challenges I always came out on top.

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