I have an asexual girlfriend, I do love her, but I feel like I wanna break up with her or cheat.

I have an asexual girlfriend, I do love her, but I feel like I wanna break up with her or cheat. I want a sexual relationship again. I feel like I can't break up though, she does so much for me and buys me expensive things. I tell her not to buy me anything but she keeps doing it. I'm her first boyfriend and don't wanna hurt her badly. I feel so guilty even having thoughts of breaking up.

We have this mutual friend, and I've been crushing on her hard. Hanging out with her whenever I can. I want to flirt with her, but I know I can't. I feel so bad and trapped.

Any advice on what you would do.

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Break up. You're sexual, she is not (with you). Yes, it will hurt but you have to do it to be happy. Stop wasting both of your time.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      fpbp. You both want different things. If you don't end it now it will just get ugly and more hurtful in the future.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    why did you start dating her in the first place knowing she's asexual?

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    she deserves better than you

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Ok, nice guy

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If she's asexual and you aren't, it's never going to work. It's literally like you being straight and her being gay; it's just never going to work out.

    You could *try* talking to her about the situation and ask her how she would feel about opening things up and giving you a sexual outlet; but honestly she probably won't be okay with that. Very likely you just need to bite the bullet and leave.

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    No idea how old you guys are, but maybe couples therapy would be a good idea before you make a lasting decision.

    It's likely that her asexuality came from somewhere, likely some previous trauma of some kind. Her working on that might make her more comfortable opening up sexually.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    She’s not asexual, she’s most likely a female autist/sperg who didn’t see danger signs when younger, got sexually abused or molested, traumatised, and now her appetite for anything sexual is gone entirely.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It sucks trying to ask that kind of thing is supposed to be offensive.vkrt

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >and now her appetite for anything sexual is gone entirely.
      ...yes that's being asexual

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Nah, that would be a case of PTSD where where sex still feels physically good to a person, but triggering thoughts/negative experiences prevent them from enjoying it.

        Asexuality is when somebody just… doesn’t get pleasure out of having sex. It just doesn’t appeal to them in the slightest to begin with. It’s typically born with rather than acquired, and can’t really be changed in any meaningful way as long as the individual doesn’t enjoy sex itself.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Sex feels physically good to everyone. If a man fricks a lesbian, she would still physically feel the pleasure, but wouldn't enjoy it. It's like how some people orgasm from rape. Or if you're a straight dude and some gay guy tied you up and jerked you off, you'd still cum and feel it but at the same time you'd want to have a nice day.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        That’s not asexuality, that’s being traumatised to shit. This is why I hate LGBTQ+ garbage labels. It just normalises maladaptive trauma responses into some cute identity and keeps people from ever getting better.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >let me tell you as an incel how you actually feel and why what you're feeling is wrong

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You’re not the only person to have childhood trauma, snowflake.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >snowflake thinking one person's experiences/copes with trauma the exact same way as others
            ironic

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well shit, you’re right. I think the sensible course of action for the ‘asexuals’ who are scared of sex due to getting fiddled as kids is to remain asexual until the day they die. I’m sure they will have a wonderful and enriching life without a family of their own once their parents are deceased and no committed husband/wife or kids to show for it.

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Previous anons gave you pretty good advice, suprisingly. If you want sex and your spouse is asexual it isn't going to work, outside of the unlikely possibility she’s ok with you having sexual relations with other women. You seem to really care about your spouse, so do her a favor and be straightforward about how you feel. It will hurt to do but you’ll be glad you told her instead of cheating, and with any luck you’ll be able to remain good friends after the fact. You sound like fine people so best of luck to both of you.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      She's basically a good friend, that I can make out with...

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The word is incompatible. It’s okay to tell your partner that the relationship isn’t going to work even if you tried to make it work before under the assumption you could handle it. The relationship experience taught you otherwise and a clean split is the only sensible thing that allows for you to both get what you want.

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    have you considered. um. taking this to your partner and talking with her about it? like an adult is supposed to do?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Whoa anon let’s not get crazy now

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >asexual girlfriend
    LOL, no.
    You have a female friend.
    Hope this helps.

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    She’s a roommate or friend at best, not a girlfriend. She’s manipulating you and you don’t even realize it. She’s getting the benefits of having a boyfriend, without having to do anything in return that girlfriends are supposed to do, (provide sex, love, intimacy, support etc). She’s using you. If you want revenge just “cheat” on her and find someone who actually likes you, and isn’t just abusing your naively.

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