I haven't had a normal social life, haven't dated, and haven't had a sex life.

I haven't had a normal social life, haven't dated, and haven't had a sex life. I don't go out a lot to meet and be around people(like bars.etc) I'm almost 34, what the frick went wrong?

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    you didnt do anything is what went wrong

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >i've tried nothing and i'm all out of ideas!

      Did I hold on to bullshit from the past too much? Did I put up a wall between myself and others because of?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        who knows? important part is you're cognizant that you need to change. now the next logical step is to change the behavior.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I have extreme social anxiety and am very uncomfortable with myself, and have been through things that fricked me up socially but never have been able to improve and recover.

          lol im literally exactly all of those including also being almost 34, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. I just don't have much of an interest in other people at all. I feel pretty great being by myself (or with close relative at most).

          Close.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >I have extreme social anxiety and am very uncomfortable with myself, and have been through things that fricked me up socially but never have been able to improve and recover.
            You do realize that your grandparents have literally experienced wars and yet they still managed to live and have offspring? You seem like one of those types who will just never take accountability for their slothful behavior and just rot to death.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Ok pol

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >i've tried nothing and i'm all out of ideas!

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    lol im literally exactly all of those including also being almost 34, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. I just don't have much of an interest in other people at all. I feel pretty great being by myself (or with close relative at most).

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Life is full of mental blocks. At 34, you got nothing to lose, so I recommend taking up drinking, smoking, and light drugs so you will at least get through those barriers.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      It sucks, because I hate it, but I keep myself from doing it and hate that my life has been so fricked by a past I never got to move on from.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Same problem here, my conclusion is that I need more money, money to pay for all those services that allow our change, psychiatrist? Money, university? Money, dance classes? Money, some damn club to socialize in? Money, a woman who listens to you? Money, I need more money, I'm working to have more money.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I work with Indian software developers who make like 300k+ a year, and are not only socially inept, but actively take pride in it (who tf would be proud to marry a woman you never met, that was forced onto you by your mother). Money does help, of course, but some things don't need this as a prerequisite.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I still live with my parents, I have no car, no job, etc. I don't know man, I always thought I'd be in a better place in life by now, but I'm not.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I am 39.

      I have no woman, I have no house, I have no money and live paycheck to paycheck. When will my real life begin bros? I'm tired of the grind, I'm tired of this life, just very very tired that's all.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Have you tried doing something different?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          It will take a decade to change things and by that time it will be too late, I'll be 50. Already the scamdemic robbed 3 years out of my life, but in reality it's more like 15 years because of all the setbacks that happened during that time.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        not encouraging you to but there's always suicide, at least youre old enough to buy a gun (i live in cucklord florida and you need to be 21+ to buy one (frick off mods im 18 you guys should actually kys))

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Idk but it's probably unironiclaly over ngl. Sorry dude.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    NTA but I'm in the same boat as OP but wayyy younger like almost 21 years old kind of young. Should I just go to malls and cold approach women? There aren't any clubs near by where I live despite living in a city (and by clubs I mean activity clubs like painting or book clubs or whatever). I don't wanna end up 30 with no friends or GF bros, im scared.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You didn't try hard enough to form a large and active social circle, then you were forced into the same isolation every other man is forced to upon employement, at best told to stay in the celibacy forced onto you by more self help

      Quit your job, go to university again and this time just socialize, talk to people, look out for parties, for girls to date and hook up with etc. You need to be in school setting again to be able to date in this life so go there again.

      No, no one does this you moron. Are you fricking autistic? No one talks to randoms in the store. You will end up 70 with no friends or gf if you ever believe this is how humans interact.

      Clubs you refer to barely exsist anywhere on the planet outside of reddit comments spamming them as part of their location copy pasta.

      Same problem here, my conclusion is that I need more money, money to pay for all those services that allow our change, psychiatrist? Money, university? Money, dance classes? Money, some damn club to socialize in? Money, a woman who listens to you? Money, I need more money, I'm working to have more money.

      Yeah but it's just means to an end. You need to be in university and that's it, from there everything is easy and just comes down to talking. Psychiatrists are toddlers, they are moronic scammers who cannot make money on their own so they want to steal yours. They hate you and want you to be alone and miserable forever to keep paying them forever.

      Life is full of mental blocks. At 34, you got nothing to lose, so I recommend taking up drinking, smoking, and light drugs so you will at least get through those barriers.

      This does not help at all, you can't even do drugs since you have no one to sell them to. Smoking and drinking are solitary activities, you're just locked in your room or table just as much as you are right now without them. Only difference is when out you are glued and forced to look at women with their partners and male friends instead of not seeing them, so it's just cuckolding on top of solitary.

      >what went wrong?
      You had an allotment of time every day (24h) with which you could do whatever you wanted to and probably chose to do things that aren't conducive to cultivating a social life, love life, etc.. it's that simple. I was neeting it up hard in 2021 my buddy got me a job which I took reluctantly. I met a lot of people at that shitty job a few of which introduced me to other people. Started going out with my coworkers and met even more people. If you're not exposed to people or if you don't put in the effort to build relationships with them you just won't have them. Like anything else in life you have to put effort into it. It's not like when you were in a grade school and you just kinda made friends cuz you had to spend every day together

      That's the thing, out of school you cannot make friends since there's no one to speak to. You have 0 hours every single day to ever communicate with another person until you can afford to go back to the school to do that there. No one to go out with, no woman to speak to. In uni you get a few hours each day and that's all that you will have ever in life so use them. You need to go back to uni.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >muh school
        Dude, I'm almost 34. Creeping around a community college or something like that doesn't seem right. I should have been going out, to bars, clubs, events, etc. I was always putting that on the backburner, I was always saving it for somewhere else, and when I bettered myself. I didn't realize what I was doing, because when you're somewhere that's not offering you anything, you want to be somewhere where you are offered something, and there's more chances to take, and people to be around. I did try, but I ended up somewhere I didn't need to be, and it sucks that when I got there things ended up different but I didn't do the things I said I was going to do. I don't know why, and I sit here worrying about all these things I could have had and should have had, but I threw it all away to worry about it not being what and where I wanted to be. I fricked up.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >Creeping around a community college or something like that doesn't seem right
          Do you think students attending uni are "creeping" it and they shouldn't be there?? THat they should just be empty dead buildings and no one should be allowed to communicate with anyone because it's "creeping"??? That's moronic.
          The only right thing in this world are university, it's the only place where speaking is allowed and possible.
          >I should have been going out, to bars, clubs, events, etc.
          YOU COULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT YOU moron
          No one goes to these places alone, it's just groups of people that formed in uni or through friends. You couldn't have gone there to speak even once. If you had spend your whole adult life in clubs daily, you'd be in the same place as right now, with no social life never having been on a date and never had sex. You could never in a billion years meet anyone in these places because no one speaks to strangers there.

          >people like me still have lives, friends, gfs
          Yes by meeting them in school or through friends.

          >I do have aspergers, I do have social problems
          Yes I can see it by you blabbing about clubs and not wanting to go to school again. You have 1 problem and it's not being in university setting. You fundamentally do not understand how socializing works between people. People can only meet for firs ttime in 2 ways, in school or through friends. University is the only place to ever meet someone outside of your social circle.

          Quit your job, go to university again and this time socialize as a normal person.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >Quit your job, go to university again and this time socialize as a normal person.

            beyond fricking moronic, school isnt the only place to talk to women/people and a lot of people go to events alone this guy sounds like another shut in . do the scary thing called change

            https://i.imgur.com/1G0ZdvY.png

            I haven't had a normal social life, haven't dated, and haven't had a sex life. I don't go out a lot to meet and be around people(like bars.etc) I'm almost 34, what the frick went wrong?

            you hate your life but you do nothing to change it. you have to go out there and be CRINGE for a while. fake it till you make it is 100% real and the only way to move on is exposure therapy.the only person responsible for your happiness is you

            find any event near you and start going, mine was going to ren fairs /cons.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah, I don't know what it is, I know it's the anxiety but I just can't bring myself to really do much and I regret it. I always feel like there's something that has to be better to be around others because I always felt and it seemed like I was never just good enough for anyone, even myself.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >Schooler

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >I haven't had a normal social life, haven't dated, and haven't had a sex life. I don't go out a lot to meet and be around people(like bars.etc)
    You are clearly aware of what went wrong.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You mistakenly think God is not on your side or sum. You don't see the move of God in your life, yet. Your only mistake of all time is thinking that stuff is wrong. Imagine paying attention to the expectations of society that is meant to screw you over. Imagine catering to absolutely nothing and calling it "wisdom" because you have this dream of selling yourself out.

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >what went wrong?
    You had an allotment of time every day (24h) with which you could do whatever you wanted to and probably chose to do things that aren't conducive to cultivating a social life, love life, etc.. it's that simple. I was neeting it up hard in 2021 my buddy got me a job which I took reluctantly. I met a lot of people at that shitty job a few of which introduced me to other people. Started going out with my coworkers and met even more people. If you're not exposed to people or if you don't put in the effort to build relationships with them you just won't have them. Like anything else in life you have to put effort into it. It's not like when you were in a grade school and you just kinda made friends cuz you had to spend every day together

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    What's the problem with that? I tried it and it was awful. Sitting alone at home is much better.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      It's not, and I'm coming to the realization that I really fricked my life up. I cared about stupid shit and getting better I'll have to admit was legitimate at times but also half ass. I regret not putting myself out there more, worrying about places I wanted to be and setting everything else aside for it instead of taking advantage of what I had. I do have aspergers, I do have social problems, but people like me still have lives, friends, gfs, they got those things and they took things seriously. Maybe I do have trauma that's associated with people, but I had enough time to get over that and my problems. Not "I'm not going to do this because I'm not where I want to be or who I want to be" and let things pass me by.

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You need someone that knows thei shit to talk this through with and start acting. See a psychologist. I'm not joking. Or you need to internalize (notjust realize) that you want to talk to people, date, put yourself out there, etc. which requires a big shift in thinking. I was lucky enough to develop that shift over a couple years. Maybe you will be too

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Been there done that, I almost think that there's such deep emotional damage from having bad experiences with people I don't want to be around them, but do. But have such low self esteem, body image, and where I'm at in life, I never felt I was good enough to do those things. I should have been doing them anyway but I wanted to get better, and have more confidence and security within myself.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Oh mate, I'm gonna stop with the advice right here because I honestly don't know what you're going through. As far as psychologists are concerned, you need to "shop around" to find a good one that understands your issue. It's the same as with looking for a family doctor, partner, medications, shoes you like, moisturizer that works, etc.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Yeah, I know, it seems like my situation and how I am is really a bit complex to nail down. Because there's so many things working for and against each other it's hard for me even to understand what's going on in my head sometimes. I have no idea why, but I've seen a lot of cruelty from people, a lot of anger, hate, outcasting, blame. I always saw the bad side of people and life, it's basically why I am the way I am and how it affects me and how I feel about myself and my relationships with others, existing or not. Which is why it's difficult to be around others sometimes and interact, I've had iffy results, some good and bad from trying to put myself out there more but when you're my age and have problems like I do, it's obviously off-putting to people even though the intentions are always good. I haven't really had much luck, and I've been in and out of mental health offices since I was a kid for this same thing.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >it's hard for me even to understand what's going on in my head
            Here I go harping on about the same thing as the previous two comments, but I don't think people are that good at sorting out what's going on in their heads without outside assistance and tools like journaling or essaying. You can see this everywhere, even with companies and organizations. If they need some accurate, objective analysis they hire an outside company because a system (like a person) is not good at analyzing itself. Sorry, I know I'm just repeating myself at this point and you already have a lot of experience with mental health professionals but that's all I got.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah, but this isnt something I can really find answers about, because I just want to lean on the old and the problems and things that I've been through. Trying to improve myself to feel "worthy" is speaking volumes of how people treated me and constantly preyed on my insecurities and short comings to push them and others away from me. Giving me a constant paranoia that I'm doing something wrong, and something will go wrong because it's happened too many times. I was never allowed to feel comfortable around others, there was always someone waiting for a problem, or if there wasn't one, one was caused. I never felt like I was allowed to be seen in a positive light, and had abnormal, and strange experiences with others. That's why it's hard, that's why it's hard to open myself up and show who I really am inside, and I'm not a bad person and I do deserve love, comradery, and friendship like others. It's just I felt and experienced that for some reason, people didn't want me to have those things.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    thanks for giving me hope anon

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Should I just admit it's fricking over?

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Here's a handy flowchart.

    Do you want to hear that things can be better, do you want to heal grow and be better?

    >No.
    Suicide.

    >Yes.
    1) Identity the mistake you made that lead you to this point and don't make them again. 2) Then diet, exercise, read, career, values and goals etc etc to make yourself a functioning human.

    >Yes but that's hard and I have/will fail!
    I know it is hard and you will fail at things. Everything is hard at first, but only at first. If you've repeatedly failed miserably at something see step 1 again.

    >I don't want to do any of that.
    Suicide or get back to work bagging my groceries and/or suffering needlessly then.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah, I've done and tried that, too, but I'm not saying I'm giving up. It's just, I lost a lot of time, and I'm not sure if it'll be worth it. But I know the way I think and I'll have something, but still be pissed about what I could have had.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        If you're worried about lost time, you lose more time and energy worrying about what you miss and a pining about the past, instead enjoying what you have and being productive.

        If that's your concern get off NSFFW and stop wasting time here and you'll be fine.

        If you don't want to hear things will be fine then the problem is you don't want things to be fine or better.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I am, but I'm also talking about my problems and even though I want to be around people, I'm always hesitant because of what I've been through and how it's affected me in the long run. Being socially stunted, with passable social skills, and regretting that I didn't put myself out there more when I was younger, and why I didn't take advantage of what I had, and always was putting things aside for somewhere else.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            You can talk about the how and why all day. They can all perfectly valid. But it's still a waste of time. Go do something productive, or don't. That's it. Anything else is procrastination. You can literally unironically spend HOURS talking about why things haven't or won't work out and you will always have nothing to show for it except developed mild schizoid tendencies.

            Go put some logs on so you can get a fire going instead of lamenting you don't have a fire.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            But why did it seem that no one wanted me to be happy? Why did it always seem that no one wanted to see me have anything or anyone? Why did people seem to take so much pleasure in harming me and making me feel dehumanized and separate from others? Those are things that made me the way I am.

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    can relate
    >t. 30 year old boomer

  17. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'm a similar age to you OP but got dealt a luckier hand. You're probably a product of an internet addict. One human learns all about the world primarily from friends and conversations in social outings, and uses their phone as a secondary thing they rarely consult. Then there's the internet-raised people like you and me who primarily consult the internet, even troll-filled sites like NSFFW, to help understand the world, and real-life interactions are secondary and often avoided. You can still learn to socialize. I love it since I've been "resocialized". Got a gf and am married now. I's never too late to learn how to socialize again. Try joining a local club that follows a hobby you have interest in.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I do enjoy being around people, but I'm so fricking paranoid and so uncomfortable in my own skin. Socialization is awkward, forced, and almost unnatural because sometimes I have found it better just to not speak to people. So I can avoid problems, sadly, that hasn't worked out as well as I wanted it to because usually something always happens. I'm not that bad off, it's just really myself I'm uncomfortable with and never seemed to really get to the point where I would be, there's always a reason to hang my head and show and think of myself as lesser than others because really, that's how I've been treated.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Social skills are something you have to learn naturally growing up.

      You can't catch up later in life.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        You can improve your social skills?. I saw it a bit when I was around people more. At the same time, I was still my reserved self, having an instinct to protect myself from others of previous trauma that hindered how I socialize with others. I had issues engaging and speaking to people even when it was killing me not to, and I hate that about myself that I never got to get over those things. But being young, those experiences left a permanent impact on me emotionally and mentally.

  18. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Anon, what defines a "normal" social life, and who exactly has the right to define it or enforce expectations on you? The greatest advice I can offer is stop caring about what others MIGHT think of you, what others MIGHT say you should / should not be doing with your life and stop comparing yourself to others.

    Are you not social with others because you are anxious around people or crowds? Do you struggle with social etiquette / queues or not? Really think about it. If you do not suffer with social issues, or have at worst a minor anxiety around people, you're not anti-social, perhaps just introverted. This is fine. It is fair to yourself to spend maybe a day or two a week actually socializing with friends and family, then withdraw and be alone. This is what I do and I'm very happy like this.

    As far as dating and relationships go, not everyone needs a companion or partner to feel fulfilled or successful. Social "norms" pressure people to have relationships, children, etc. but this is stupid and doesn't factor in at all the needs and desires of the individual. People who can't function or be happy without a partner in their life usually are not happy at all, and they've warped themselves into a cycle of dating / not dating, destructive relationships, etc. because they're never satisfied. Being single and content is better than being with someone and miserable, simply because you might think "this is what society expects of me."

    Find your own happiness, Anon, with or without others. Find constructive and positive ways to meet people (bars are not one of them) and emphasize your own wellbeing, and stop caring about living up to some false ideation of what you're supposed to be and where you're supposed to be in life.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah, I get that. I just wanted to be a better person with a better life. I wanted to run away from a past that did nothing for me but frick me up. I wanted everything to be new, have friends, and a life of my own so those things wouldn't have to haunt me again. The thing is, it's like no one wanted to let me have those things, it seemed like me having something or someone was something that wasn't allowed. Like I was made to be alone, I was made to be hated and no one wanted to listen to me, no one wanted to be there, no one wanted to help. I had to stay in a sad life that I wanted to get out of, I wanted to "Feel the warmth of the sun" in so many ways because I never felt or knew that I did anything wrong to anyone. But for some reason, no one could stand to see me have an positivity and positive people in my life, it's like it's a social "no no" to say something good about me, that rumours, lies and manipulation should be taken as fact as my character got more destroyed be someone that always seemed to want to stand in my way of getting better, advancing, and moving on with myself.

      I wanted to be a better, stronger, healthier person, why does it seem like there's so much societal pushback focused at me? And the experiences, the fricked up ones that bothered me that no one cared about or was there to help, lifting me up, and making feel better because I always had a hard time picking myself back up.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I swear I could be like "I'm a good person, I've just been through a lot of shit with people, and I've never meant any harm", then there would be someone watching and waiting to make me look like an butthole, cause a problem, or go lie to people when I'm not around or within ear shot. No one wanted me to have anything or anyone, or even hear anything from anyone that's positive and/or supportive. If someone did, they were turned away from me eventually, and I always ended up trying to show who the real bad person was/is but no one ever gave a single frick about what I said to say about myself. Like I had no authority of my own name, I've had people tell me to my face about things I did or apparently said or did, and call me a liar to my face and finding a way to literally punish me for speaking up, and trying to protect my name and reputation that I've struggled to keep clean for years of my life.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I swear I could be like "I'm a good person, I've just been through a lot of shit with people, and I've never meant any harm", then there would be someone watching and waiting to make me look like an butthole, cause a problem, or go lie to people when I'm not around or within ear shot. No one wanted me to have anything or anyone, or even hear anything from anyone that's positive and/or supportive. If someone did, they were turned away from me eventually, and I always ended up trying to show who the real bad person was/is but no one ever gave a single frick about what I said to say about myself. Like I had no authority of my own name, I've had people tell me to my face about things I did or apparently said or did, and call me a liar to my face and finding a way to literally punish me for speaking up, and trying to protect my name and reputation that I've struggled to keep clean for years of my life.

        I empathize with you a lot man. A big benefit of /adv/ is to vent. I have nobody to talk to. I have been day dreaming about running away from these people for years but I just can't. I don't know how to survive. I don't know where to go. I want to be hundreds of miles away.

        I feel like I have wasted my youth waiting for my turn to live. Being older I have no wisdom. I don't even have experience with consuming media. Its like if you locked a 16 year old in a room with nothing until he was 30

  19. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I don't know what to do either. I've been alone all my life. 32 year old virgin. I'm gay too and still haven't had sex which is pretty pathetic. But my anxiety is so debilitating and my inferiority complex is so strong that it makes it impossible to interact with other people or accomplish much of anything

  20. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    Can you give a specific example of
    >I've had people tell me to my face about things I did or apparently said or didn't do, and call me a liar to my face and finding a way to literally punish me for speaking up
    I've dealt with similar in the past

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Nah.

  21. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'll post here too

    I grew up extremely woman averse when I was young. I had a horrible childhood. I spent my teens locked in my room against my will(not am exaggeration or metaphor)I spent my 20s in a severe depression.
    Meeting people in 2024 as an adult whose done with school seriously feels hopeless. I've already dropped all standards for a potential partner and I'm still alone. I've even accepted that I probably won't ever really love the person I get with. I've accepted Im just an animal and ill never have the romance I wanted as a kid and any relationship I have will just be business because I'm a single virgin male in his late 20s. I accept all of this. But its just a logistics problem now. There's nobody to talk to. The BEST advice this board has doesn't work for me. I don't like social activities. I go out constantly now. I have picked up many hobbies. But they are all isolated. People suggest things like bars or board games or table top. I have zero interest. I thi k that stuff is boring.

    I have been told I am attractive all my life. Strangers have approached me. I am very rich especially for my age. I have a lot of free time.

    But there's just NOTHING out there. And again I am outside every fricking day and I live in a city

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