I think I've flown under the radar for being diagnosed with npd (narcissistic personality nisorder) and the partner that ive been with for 2 year...

I think I've flown under the radar for being diagnosed with npd (narcissistic personality nisorder) and the partner that ive been with for 2 years that ive emotionally abused pointed it out to me and i am in shambles that i might have a mental disorder that just disables me from ever feeling loved and the fact i have just came to this realization is crippling. i don't know what to do with myself/how to treat it and i want to love so bad but i am genuinely a horrible person and do not know where to start with even processing this.

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Leterally have a nice day. Its the best thing you could do for everyone in your life. You ARE a monster and you DO ruin the lives of everyone involved with you.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      it keeps on happening again and again and i don't know how. it isn't fricking fair that my circumstances literally conditioned my brain to think this way. i wish i had the purpose to off myself but im a fricking pussy honestly. im not even fishing for compliments im genuinely terrified

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >my circumstances
        No, its you. Take some goddamn responsibility.

        Who am I kidding, you cant do that. From everyone who has had to deal with a narcissist, please stay away from everyone.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          im going into this situation admitting im an issue, and by circumstances i mean shit that is out of my control. from what ive seen and ppl ive talked to npd is common in children who are shown excessive attention from a young age. i grew up as a sick child, was in heart failure for a long time. so it just makes sense that i developed into this but i fricking hate it and want to change it. i genuinely do not know where to start. im not even diagnosed i just suspect i am/traits i have

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >changing a personality disorder
            Kek. You dont get it. Its a fundamental part of who you are. Its the very core of your being. Like you said, from a young age. There is no cope, there is no hope. You are a monster that abuses everyone in their life and nothing will ever change that. The best you can do is stay away from other humans, probably all other living beings tbqh, permanently.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Npds aren't capable of this. They need constant narcissistic supply or their ego will die. God forbid they spend some time alone and feel the slightest bit of uncomfort.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Then the solution is clear
            >ACK

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Npds aren't capable of this. They need constant narcissistic supply or their ego will die. God forbid they spend some time alone and feel the slightest bit of uncomfort.

            You can just say "I don't like this c**t" you don't have to pretend to be a psychologist you larping homosexuals

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Do you even know what a personality disorder is? This isnt like your garden variety mental illness. The whole point of personality disorders as a category is that they DONT change. Its not some quirk of your brain chemistry like anxiety or depression, its the foundation of who you are. You might as well be talking about curing NSFFW of autism.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            maybe you should get diagnosed before jumping to conclusions

            this is true tbtbh and its why i refuse to get close to anyone with BPD, its not their fault and they can try to suppress it but itll always be there and i dont want to risk being hurt again

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Only npds attract bpds so you might wanna get your own personality disorder checked out you beta b***h

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Dat projection

            Kek. You love to see it.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Kek. You love to see it
            Dodge deflect and deny. The tools of the narcissist

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Only npds attract bpds
            that's not true
            I'm a shy, avoidant autist, and I seem to only be able to attract borderlines (or rather the borderlines have always won out over anyone else)

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >I'm a shy, avoidant autist
            That's a weird way of saying ur a vulnerable narcissist

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I don't think your theory holds water - borderlines are known to gravitate to narcissists, okay, but I've read plenty of instances of them trauma bonding autists too; I didn't realise my borderline was abnormal until it was too late

            I think they're more passionate about narcissists, but it's too volatile a relationship to be any good

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            bpd trannies are like a dime a dozen on the internet, its really not hard to run into one if youre into anime/gaming.

            op here does not help my girlfriend has bpd, not saying this to be a victim im saying this from a perspective of just how nasty our personalities clash all the time. i don't rly know what to say rn im just overwhelmed and i got a friend to pick me up. probably getting drunk.

            you should never date a bpd
            since youre an identity v player youre probably one of those trans kinnies who got brainwashed into thinking you have 5 mental disorders via social contagion, probably female too, just stop hanging out with those people and hang out with offline normies.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            op here does not help my girlfriend has bpd, not saying this to be a victim im saying this from a perspective of just how nasty our personalities clash all the time. i don't rly know what to say rn im just overwhelmed and i got a friend to pick me up. probably getting drunk.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            if you're still pretty young, I'd cut your losses
            work on yourself; you're going to find that hard to do in the kind of environment the two of you invariably create

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >you larping homosexuals
            Ya well I'm working thru my narcissistic abuse childhood as we speak so frick off

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >change is impossible
            bullshit. It might happen slowly and with a lot of effort, but change is possible. the underpinnings of who you are might not be able to change, but the top layer is subject to change as quick as the mind wills it.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >i don't know what to do with myself/how to treat it
      Embrace it. I realized I was narcissistic generations ago and I doubled down because I realize it's my prerogative to make things best for myself and that I can't expect normalgays to look out for my best interests.
      If you don't double down, then normalhomosexuals like this

      Go manipulate someone else into giving you attention you worthless piece of shit

      will crush you with shame.
      Read some Stirner, maybe.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        that's fricking stupid , do you think it's actually that easy to "embrace" it. acting like this has brought me nothing but pain and self hate i genuinely cannot stomach living like this any longer. i want to love and feel safe so bad but i feel like i physically can't. i want to love people and forgive other people but I fricking can't. I can genuinely say that I have changed for the worse over these years and only have become truly of what I am without self awareness and I don't think I can continue on like this much longer. I am genuinely disgusted with myself and wanting nothing else but to isolate myself from the fear of hurting others.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >wahhhh im abusive
          if you cannot empathize with others you do not deserve empathy

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >that's fricking stupid , do you think it's actually that easy to "embrace" it.
          You're stupid if you think you can actually undo a fundamental aspect of your being.
          Embracing it is infinitely easier than tearing yourself up over something that you will never be able to change.

          >acting like this has brought me nothing but pain and self hate i genuinely cannot stomach living like this any longer.
          You'll have to, or all of this self doubt will make you into a human vegetable.
          You are still capable of helping those that you want to help. You'll still be capable of finding meaning in things.
          These people obviously weren't worthy of such hemming and hawing when you manipulated them in the past. Do what you can and tell yourself what you can to return to that mindset.
          Take what you desire to be yours.

          >i want to love and feel safe so bad but i feel like i physically can't.
          Maybe you can and you've let your future ex gaslight you into thinking otherwise.
          Maybe you can't and you've been doing fine without it so far.
          Either way you're not doing anyone favors by letting your doubts consume you.

          >I am genuinely disgusted with myself and wanting nothing else but to isolate myself from the fear of hurting others.
          These people only mean what you decide they mean to you. They could mean nothing to you some day.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Based. Seconded from fellow NPDemon. Just be who you are, frick whoever hates you, bowing to them about something you can't truly change without endless whining from therapists and psychiatrists is pointless.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Go manipulate someone else into giving you attention you worthless piece of shit

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      if i wanted attention i would waste somebody i know irl's time. genuinely just wanting advice. i don't get any comfort admitting im a piece of shit to strangers online

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >if i wanted attention i would waste somebody i know irl's time
        Go ahead

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          yea u kinda right my options r fricked and it's hard taking the time to know new ppl plus it's hard to even understand someone cuz the only way ppl like me is when im pretending. i don't know why the frick im like this and it hurts

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There is the perspective of getting your life together, following a routine and orienting yourself on competent spiritually mature behavior, try idealizing that, you can do that through your narc pathology as well, in fact lots of preachy post prisoners went through the same. In short just work and you will be able to see right from wrong more clearly in your life. Lots of it is just lack of maturity

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yea you're right I'm often compared to have manchild behavior. I hate this shit rn

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why is every fricking Identity V player mentally ill?

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    and from your post it seems that you're mostly upset about how this reflects on, and affects you, rather than the fact that for two years, you've emotionally abused another human being who loved you, and trusted you?
    for what? that it might serve your broken, inflated, and probably quasi-psychotic ego-identity, which you use as a pathetic, maladaptive, coping strategy smokescreen over the fact you're actually completely hollow inside?

    I was going to write something really horrible and scathing - I really wanted to - I wanted you to feel my disdain for you radiating from your screen, but I suppose it wouldn't really be fair to you... just go to therapy, anon; it's not your fault you're the way you are; it's likely a combination of your genetics, and upbringing
    what would be your fault is if you did nothing about it now - the fact you're admitting it to yourself is actually very positive; most of your ilk simply can't accept such a colossal personal flaw

    if you want to get better - if you want to BE better - you're going to need to go to therapy and put the work in
    that's all there is to it if you want to not ruin everything you touch, and not hurt everybody around you with your bullshit

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      i thank you for being sympathetic, i agree with everything you said especially the therapy. i would like to add on though it is so fricking hard to find a therapist that fits. the only one that actually helped me i can't even see anymore because she was fricking court ordered and the last one i went to told me to fricking play with toys in a sandbox to "express how i feel" and because he was a "registered play therapist" then they shipped me off to someone more serious but i didn't follow thru with it because of the unstability in my life. I can't blame anything or anyone else for me trying not to get into therapy again but frick. I just feel like my situation is so specific and out there that nobody knows how to fricking deal with it.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you actually think your abusive tendencies are cool. cringe

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    How did you abuse her? Why are you a horrible person?
    What if you're just a jerk?

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    boohoo who the frick cares don't you people have a hobby or something that makes you happy other than needing constant attention from others like idk is that basis of your disorder because if it is then just kys what a miserable existence otherwise just go take a walk in the forest and just have some fun on your own maybe try psychedelics to get a whole new perspective on existence

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You're redeemable. If you have a semblance of intelligence and discipline, you can overcome just about anything. If all else fails, pray in desperation and read the new testament.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    youre being gaslit girl. you should call your partner out for it

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Narcissistic woman moment

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        hard to trust bpders when they constantly announce to everyone that they cant help but be abusive and play victim because illness

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          being mentally ill and having everyone cater to your mental illness is actually v cool

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I think u should totally dm and we talk if ur hot and sexy xoxo feeling manic tonight babe xoxo

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