Is it true that you cant find love until you fix yourself?

Is it true that you can’t find love until you fix yourself? Every relationship I have had in the past two years has been absolutely horrible and people tell me that if you think horribly you’ll attract horrible things. My mom died about a year ago and it’s still very painful. If I really want to find love do I for real have to get over this first? Is that what the universe is telling me? Like I try so hard to be normal and in a good headspace and I get fricked no matter what. Is my internal headspace that important if I really try to mask it? I’m just a social person and being alone for so long hurts just as bad as my mom dying in a way because it feels like a failure on my part. I’m trying so hard to move past this because I’m just twenty something but I feel like it’s dragging back my social life and school. This probably sounds surface level as frick but really. It’s already painful enough that my mom is gone and as hard as I try to get over it I feel like I can never move on in life because people see how much of a mess I am.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Love doesn't exist.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I don’t care even something resembling love that lasts longer than a month or two is fine with me.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        hm, well if you want to be lusted after then it's pretty much down to your genetics. even so being lusted after causes all sorts of problems in your life and unlikely you'd want to be on the receiving end more than once

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Key concept here I’m a woman. My problem is not being lusted after it’s that nobody wants to stay in a relationship with me. My last boyfriend literally told me when we broke up that “I’m very independent and that’s far from a good thing” like I’m sorry I have half the parents you do and avoid home like the plague because of trauma but you don’t get to use that against me.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            ok then nothing I have to say applies to you, you live life on easy mode and literally if you exist numerous men will lust after you

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            If you want a quality man you've gotta be a quality woman.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            What is a quality woman then

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            you frick me within 5 minutes of meeting

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Absolute bullshit anyways…

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            wdym

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Been there done that all I’ll say

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            so you're nearing 30 and you're hoping some man will be a betabuxx and accept your sloppy seconds?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            When I said 20 something I was being generous for some reason. The something is 0. I’m literally 20. Y’all suck for advice man I can’t believe I’ve been coming back here since I was 18 I always know the second I say I’m a woman everything goes out the window yet I have nobody else to go to. I love my life.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            breasts or gtfo

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Holy moly this is peculiar I'm in about the same situation but a dude and only half a year from my mom passing. While also starting a relationship.

            Honestly I would say most people, most people this young don't really know anything about death or responsibility, let alone actually being mature enough for a serious committed relationship.
            So I would say that improving yourself while staking out someone who is reasonable and well adjusted is really important. I could have flung myself to relationships (my campus is like 60-70% woman and I can hang out with woman fairly well), but I've waited and hopefully this will be a good healthy relationship I'm heading into.

            The whole point is is that improving yourself helps you improve your outlook and precision over what you want in a relationship, thankfully you already know that you want it to be a closer and more supportive relationship that isn't merely sexual pleasure, but a mutual uplifting of both parties. Improving yourself lets you give this to someone while you wait for that someone to get closer to you naturally.
            I want to keep blathering but just be patient, diligent, and don't rush plz

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            No yap as much as you want please everyone here sucks. I just don’t know how to get about bettering myself. I’ve been trying to raw dog the pain and I don’t know any better way. I’ve been thinking about going back on my antidepressants but I don’t know if that’s right for me when I need to feel all this to get to a better state. It’s just all so confusing at a young age man.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Have you read the Bible/a Christian? I don't really know all about you but being able to at least lean on the understanding of those before me has really helped.
            But I must admit that my remaining family have all been really supportive, though I've noticed it's gotten a lot more distant. And honestly if you are the only one experiencing this pain, I would say just try to focus on platonic relationship to get more and better anchors and people pointing out your blindspots for you.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I have a lot of platonic relationships and some of them are really helpful to me. On my friends lost his dad a couple years ago and we talk about it a lot. It’s very helpful but I just feel like there’s something missing because at the end of the day I just want someone to told me and tell me it’s okay. I guess that’s my whole problem isn’t it. I can’t get into a relationship knowing all I want is a relationship. People tell me it has to come to me.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Well it is good that you do have good friends, don't forget that! Also with the
            > I can’t get into a relationship knowing all I want is a relationship
            I have to say that is pretty true, you have to respect and know that people do and should have their alone and me time. And that a healthy ebb and flow of contact and closeness can really make a relationship blossom. And communication but that is literally every relationship.

            I’ll ignore the feminist thing but I can frick with Christianity. That’s how I was brought up I strayed from it in adolescence but I think I would go back knowing the lessons they taught me.

            Also glad that you are thinking of going back to Christianity, have core principals is a really solid way of orienting yourself. I would say definitely read it for yourself first instead of trying to find people that mold it into what you want it to be, and if one of your friends is a Christian I would definitely talk with them about it!

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Be virtuous and follow a set of rules like Christianity. Don't be a feminist. Have moral courage, obey property rights, independence, self ownership, moral honesty, obey the non aggression principle.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I’ll ignore the feminist thing but I can frick with Christianity. That’s how I was brought up I strayed from it in adolescence but I think I would go back knowing the lessons they taught me.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            my definition of Feminism being blaming men and not taking responsibility for their own actions and where they are in life.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Be Pentacostal like me. It's so based, just make sure you don't join those weirdos who fake speaking in tongues.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            CAPISH moral Courage, non Aggression principle, Property rights, moral Integrity, Self-ownership (taking responsibility), moral Honesty

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            https://i.imgur.com/LF3JD5y.jpg

            Is it true that you can’t find love until you fix yourself? Every relationship I have had in the past two years has been absolutely horrible and people tell me that if you think horribly you’ll attract horrible things. My mom died about a year ago and it’s still very painful. If I really want to find love do I for real have to get over this first? Is that what the universe is telling me? Like I try so hard to be normal and in a good headspace and I get fricked no matter what. Is my internal headspace that important if I really try to mask it? I’m just a social person and being alone for so long hurts just as bad as my mom dying in a way because it feels like a failure on my part. I’m trying so hard to move past this because I’m just twenty something but I feel like it’s dragging back my social life and school. This probably sounds surface level as frick but really. It’s already painful enough that my mom is gone and as hard as I try to get over it I feel like I can never move on in life because people see how much of a mess I am.

            What do you mean by "too independent"? Are you avoidant or something? That's a very strange insult. Or was he calling himself independent and you depended on him too much?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            No like literally I was too independent. He lives with his parents and thought me being on my own and paying my bills was a threat or something.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I'm guessing this from your OP is correct:
            >people tell me that if you think horribly you’ll attract horrible things
            It's easy to latch on to people that may not be good for you when you're already overwhelmed by emotional problems. I can assure you that there are plenty of guys that would love to take care of you and listen to your pain. I'd still recommend (like the other anons) to get well first, so that you can seek love in a more rational way.

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Yes you've gotta be doing great by yourself for a quality woman to want to join you. Psychologicalselfimprovement.com

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Before I worked on myself every relationship I had was bad. Like not just “didn’t work out” but was legitimately toxic and unhealthy for both parties. I had horrible self esteem and it led me to seek out poor choices in partners. I can’t say I’m completely better now, but I’ve been working on myself for years. And not only am I happier in both romantic/platonic relationships but I’m happier in general, life doesn’t feel like an obligation all the time nowadays. Coping with loss affects a person on multiple levels too, I wish you luck in healing anon.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      How do I start though. I recognize that my mindset is only damaging me but I don’t know how to even begin to fix it

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        It’s good you can recognize it! Grief is a difficult thing to cope with, and it’s something that might take years. Personally, therapy has been immensely helpful for me. Maybe that’s something that would help you? As well as learning about good communication, I think most people would benefit from trying to learn how to communicate in a healthier way.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Don't be fat

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Depends on what needs to be fixed. Being overly angry, depressed and anxious are some things that could easily amplify with the wrong person and make you overthink causing hardships. Its okay to be a little fricked up.
    My gf has something where she has a really hard time trusting people because of her past and how she was raised, so she keeps them at a distance because she doesnt want to get hurt again. Im going to sound arrogant but because im supportive and compassionate, shes slowly letting her walls down and bettering herself. Im fricked up too but shes very supportive and it made me better myself and actually enjoy life for once.
    The wrong person could kick your disorders into overdrive, but im also a firm believer in a good partner will make you want to better yourself. Careful what you get into.

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