I've been fighting an attraction to other women, and thoughts of transitioning to male since middle school.

I've been fighting an attraction to other women, and thoughts of transitioning to male since middle school.
I've been raised in a Christian home and I'm trying not to be an abomination. In trying to force myself to be normal and straight, I got married to a guy who was there for me when I was having a really hard time. I figured if I'm "supposed" to be married to a man, and I'm not attracted to guys, then at least having a guy who I can depend on when things are hard would be nice.

I kind of imagined we'd stay friends like we have been for a while, and would just add living together and having sex to what we do with each other.

He seems to actually love me for real though, and has been acting like he feels insecure since I guess I don't feel the exact same (I like him plenty, but I'm not like romantically in love?).

Idk why he's insecure about that though, like we're married - tied the knot, all that. It's not like I'm going anywhere. He knew my feelings and stuff going into all this. I feel like I'm missing something to explain all this, can anyone give some insight?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    > and I'm not attracted to guys
    Few women are physically attracted to average men.
    He's insecure because he's currently in love with you, and foresees you leaving for someone else, likely a woman.
    Romantic love fades anyway, give it a few years. What keeps people together is not romantic love, but attachment; actually liking each other.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >give it a few years
      Short term, what can I do to make it more bearable? He's a lot clingier than I expected going into this, and it feels like he's smothering my independence.

      he thought his dick would magically cure you

      There's no way he's that full of himself

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        oh, boy. babe. you don't understand men yet.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Not to be rude but what's to understand? I thought guys would go nuts for someone like me for how they talk in shows and stuff about liking a woman who isn't high maintenance. I leave him alone for the most part and just do my own stuff unless he wants something.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        > Short term, what can I do to make it more bearable?
        You talk to him. Explain you're feeling stifled. talk about what you want and what he wants. come to a compromise.
        >my independence.
        I think you misunderstood marriage.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >You talk to him. Explain you're feeling stifled. talk about what you want and what he wants. come to a compromise.
          It's weird to articulate because I feel mean even thinking it. He's constantly after physical affection, kissing and hugging and grabbing, and I'd rather just not do all that apart from the nights we agreed to have sex. I feel like shit for wanting to tell my husband I don't want to be touched though.
          >I think you misunderstood marriage.
          I know its a lifelong commitment, and I'm not intending to break that or anything. I got married to try and bury those sinful urges. I can't help feeling held back though, when he gets moody if I'm out too late or how he seems to want constant affection and attention.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Hey ya, so our marriage is basically just a sham I agreed to as some sort of last ditch effort to suppress my urges to munch carpet. I don't actually love you, physical intimacy with you is off putting to the point that I'd just prefer we didn't do it all outside of the days we marked on the fridge calendar for sex. Basically I'm just putting on airs to convince myself that Jesus still loves me, and you're just a token on the chessboard that is that internal struggle with my own demons. Plus, it's nice that you helped me out of the bad-spot one time, so it's probably good to keep you around in case I need you to fix shit for me if things ever get rough again.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >attachment; actually liking each other.
      2 different terms thoughever

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    he thought his dick would magically cure you

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Attraction to other women and thoughts of transitioning are two wholly separate things. Sort them out in your own head before inviting someone to commit to you.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I just thought it would be easier to push those feelings, all of them, away if I tried to force myself into a het relationship. My husband knew all this before we got married, and he said it didn't bother him. I tried sorting the feelings out on my own well before, but they never went away.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Stop consuming israeli or left wing media for 1 month and see if you still feel "dysphoria"

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I've tried media detox and it doesn't help.

      How’s your relationship with mom?

      It's alright. We talk once a day on the phone, but its only ever just "how was your day" type stuff. She knows I like girls because she caught me with a friend in my room once, but she doesn't know about the gender stuff.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Did your mom feel dependable emotionally growing up as a kid? Like did she involve herself enough? Teaching you how to do girly things, talking to you about your feelings, that sort of thing?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Not really. My dad was unemployed, alcoholic and very angry, so mom worked two jobs and wasn't around much aside from when she was asleep.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I see. I asked because that’s the sort of answer I expected from your experience. Have you considered that your sexual appetite for women is actually your mind trying to fill the void from a lack of emotional nourishment from your mom?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I never really thought of that. I don't feel like it is, but I'm not a psychiatrist so I don't know how the deep consciousness stuff works.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            The brain wants what it didn’t have as far as subconscious shit goes. And it can express this in mirroring ways consciously. All these wimps for example who simp for women or seethe about them and compare themselves to men constantly? Living in dad’s shadow. Father issues. Funnily enough some of those same young men will be into traps or femboys. Notice how the male penis gets attached to the object of desire? It’s all because they didn’t have a good time with their dads growing up, or little much care from dad.

            Look at the OP pic you posted. Little tiny elf girl basking in the warmth of a larger, presumably older female chimaera/gryphon lady. Very mother-like. And the little caption reads “I think she knows she’ll protect her.”

            Maybe a coincidence you think?

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You'll never be a woman.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    How’s your relationship with mom?

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    holy frick i feel bad for your husband. he clearly loves you and wants to be intimate emotionally and you just view him as some sort of vector to keeping social grace. just fricking let yourself be the troony you clearly dream of being and stop using the poor guy.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Maybe you're right. I felt like we weren't on uneven footing because he knew and was okay with my feelings as they were when we got married. I didn't expect him to really end up liking me, he'd told me he was kind of asexual himself.

      The brain wants what it didn’t have as far as subconscious shit goes. And it can express this in mirroring ways consciously. All these wimps for example who simp for women or seethe about them and compare themselves to men constantly? Living in dad’s shadow. Father issues. Funnily enough some of those same young men will be into traps or femboys. Notice how the male penis gets attached to the object of desire? It’s all because they didn’t have a good time with their dads growing up, or little much care from dad.

      Look at the OP pic you posted. Little tiny elf girl basking in the warmth of a larger, presumably older female chimaera/gryphon lady. Very mother-like. And the little caption reads “I think she knows she’ll protect her.”

      Maybe a coincidence you think?

      I posted it because I thought Marcille x Falin was a cute couple, though I haven't really watched the show they're from yet. Idk if there's anything substantial about the pic in meaning but I guess you have a solid point.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >I felt like we weren't on uneven footing because he knew and was okay with my feelings as they were when we got married. I didn't expect him to really end up liking me, he'd told me he was kind of asexual himself.
        clearly he was lying, which was shitty of him. he probably felt that he could "fix" you or at least his love felt that he could be your safe space, but you just seem content to be fully withdrawn into yourself. for his sake, if you even love him, please at least talk to him about your feelings. tell him what you said here, and how overpowering it is. let the man go and find happiness with someone that will actually love him back

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I'll talk to him when he gets home in a few hours then. Wish me luck in not losing my nerve.

          CHEAT ON HIM CHEAT ON HIM CHEAT ON HIM CHEAT ON HIM EAT LOCAL MILF PUSSY IN HIS BED

          CROSSDRESS

          I know you're trolling, but it has been really hard to avoid trying to satisfy these feelings. It doesn't help when people like you are saying this sort of shit.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            WEAR HIS SHIRTS AND BOXERS WHEN HE'S NOT HOME

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            browse /cm/ and goon to the idea of yourself as a man and deny it if your husband confronts you about making the computer chair smell like grool and do NOT have sex with him if that what it gets you to eventually equipping the strap for the wife next door

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is kinda hot, sort of triggering my ntr fetish

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    CHEAT ON HIM CHEAT ON HIM CHEAT ON HIM CHEAT ON HIM EAT LOCAL MILF PUSSY IN HIS BED

    CROSSDRESS

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Satan please leave

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You seem very direct and straightforward here.
    Just be that way with him.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I talked to him and it went pretty bad. He got upset and asked me not to leave. He was so torn up I ended up apologizing from feeling guilty and had sex with him. I know that was a mistake, but I felt terrible to make him cry like that.

      WEAR HIS SHIRTS AND BOXERS WHEN HE'S NOT HOME

      Honestly, I kind of do. Its like the one silver lining to all this, wearing guy clothes that smell like a guy.

      >Idk why he's insecure about that though
      Guys get hella nervous when they get the feeling a girl they love doesn't love them back. We can usually tell when it happens, and we don't know what to do.

      It's just weird to me because we're married, that should be a sign I'm planning to stick around mostly, and we both went into this knowing about my attraction to women. I'm not sure why its become a concern when its part of the reason we got married.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Oh well sorry I didn’t wish you well. He uh…kinda sounds mega beta and manipulative. I’m standing by my original post of GTFO

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Idk why he's insecure about that though
    Guys get hella nervous when they get the feeling a girl they love doesn't love them back. We can usually tell when it happens, and we don't know what to do.

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You should leave him you POS.

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Idk why he's insecure about that though
    Imagine making a commitment to someone for the rest of your life, and then realizing that they don't love you, but really just keep you around because you're someone they can "depend" on when things get difficult. Not only would that be very embarrassing, it introduces the creeping doubt as to whether or not it's worth continuing to invest in this person, because that is time lost pursuing someone else who reciprocates the same feelings.

    Unless this guy is acutely aware of your attraction to women / thoughts of transitioning, you are basically using him as a stopgap while you mull over whether or not to go through with things that would make the marriage untenable. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but it sounds like shitty behavior. You are stealing time from this guy to find someone who genuinely wants to be with him, instead of being with him out of some perceived obligation.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Unless this guy is acutely aware of your attraction to women
      He has been fully aware from the start. He agreed to all this to help me cope with not wanting to be a lesbian in the first place.

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