I've been having a lot of frustrations lately in my relationship.

I've been having a lot of frustrations lately in my relationship. I'm an AFAB sex positive biromantic asexual enby, which just means I identify between male/female, I am romantically interested in both sexes but I'm not sexually interested in anyone (I am willing to indulge my partner though).

My current boyfriend is a great guy, but he's kind of vanilla. I'm the first person he has dated, and he's always been one of those churchboy types so he doesn't understand a lot of what I try to communicate to him about my identity.

I told him recently about how I dated a woman before I met him, and he looked uncomfortable. He kept asking if I'm still a lesbian, and we had to have the whole talk about why I'm not a lesbian.

Anyway, the big trouble came when my car broke down and I didn't know how to get it started. I called him to walk me through what to do, but he acted like I wouldn't be able to do it. He acted like I was in a dangerous place when I told him where I broke down (just the poorer part of town, nothing dangerous about it). He urged me to stay in the car with the doors locked.

I got out and tried to look at the car myself while I waited for him, and an old man saw me and helped me get the car running fast. I told my bf about it, and he got mad because "its a bad area and something could have happened".

I get the feeling he thinks I'm fragile or something, and I want to be sure he understands that I'm both emotionally and practically more resilient than other girls. How can I tell this church boy in a way he'll get?

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  1. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >I'm an AFAB sex positive biromantic asexual enby
    shut the frick up geekazoid

  2. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Serious question, do you have autism? Not trying to insult you or nothing, but based on what you wrote it sounds pretty much how female autists behave. Not gonna address your LGBTisms since it's whatever.

    But this part
    >He acted like I was in a dangerous place when I told him where I broke down (just the poorer part of town, nothing dangerous about it). He urged me to stay in the car with the doors locked.

    He had every right to be concerned. You were a lone female who got stranded in a bad part of town. There's a word for that: vulnerable. And it doesn't matter how invulnerable you think you are on the inside. Attackers don't give a frick how competent prey feels on the inside. Reality shows them it's a lone woman, no one around, also stranded and dependent on others for help. That's such an easy thing to exploit it's not even funny. And yes people who look for people like you to exploit exist. This isn't me trying to terrify you, I am simply speaking true.

    And these types of people tend to reside in bad parts of town, poorer low income areas. Being poor =/= it makes you bad. But a poor area does = more people are desperate. Low income. Low opportunities. Higher needs to be met. Also more volatile upbringings, alcoholic parents. Lots and lots of socially damaged people among them. And they become hostile adults. They see you and will be seeing a prime piece of pussy on the side of the road asking for help by herself. They swarm like sharks.

    That is what your boyfriend knows to be true. And OP, it is a true part of reality. And because you refused to listen to his legitimate concern, he won't be able to trust you. You will make him worry himself sick and already did.

    And to top it all off, you don't seem to care. You just refer to the person who cares about you deeply as 'this church boy'.

    If you are unwilling to let him care for you, then do him a favor and break up.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      So I might be autistic? People have asked me that before, but I've never been tested. Maybe I should go get tested to find out, but I don't really want to deal with the stigma if its true.
      As for the rest of your post, its not like I'm totally helpless because I'm AFAB. AMAB men have some strength advantage, but its not like they're a whole different species?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >its not like I'm totally helpless because I'm AFAB. AMAB men have some strength advantage, but its not like they're a whole different species?

        They’re different enough to be a danger. Not all men are dangerous. Most aren’t. But all of them have a greater capability for it, yes. Even good men know they could do damage if they wanted, but choose not to. I’m a man, and so is your boyfriend. And men understand men, and we know how wicked men act and think because we too as men have dark thoughts. But we fight them and we never act on them. Regardless, we know how creeps think. We know exactly what they try to frick with women. Look around this shithole board OP. How many threads have you seen where the discussion is how to manipulate women for sex or easy ways to use them like a frickdoll? Too many. Thankfully most of these men are just harmlessly horny and frustrated.

        But not every man like that gives a frick about the law, or boundaries. Some men will viciously go and take it whenever they see it. And they know exactly who to go for:
        - awkward lonely girl
        - overly agreeable girl, has a hard time saying no
        - girl walking around all by herself
        - girl in need of help so you can easily dupe her into trusting you.

        Men have predatory instincts. Been that way since forever. It’s how we hunted for early civilisation. Some really psycho men use their predatory vision on other humans. Especially defenseless women.

        And they usually live in broken down shitty bad parts of town. Like the one you were stranded in.

        And obvious physical differences. We’re bigger, stronger, more bone density and muscle mass on average. Now imagine the damage that can be done to a smaller softer female. And no they dont know or care about your neo-gender. They only see an easy girl to frick with. And if you are too naive and too trusting and are socially blind to obvious danger, then yes, it does make you helpless. Unless you accept help. Which bf tries to give but you reject

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Oh and I brought up autism OP because I know many of them, male and female. And they are so blind to social danger it’s not even funny. Their social blindness doesn’t stop at not knowing how to flirt or make friends. It extends to everything social, even the dark parts of social exchanges, like threats, manipulation, psychological trickery. They can’t see it for shit. And people take advantage of that.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          I mean, people could see me sitting in the car if I just did what my bf said. I'd rather be able to walk around (or run) if I needed instead of locking myself in a non-moving car. The old man would have found me and offered help regardless I'm pretty sure, because he said I looked like I wasn't from around there (which I think was because I'm white). So I think even if I did what my bf said, everything would have been about the same so why is it a big deal that I did differently?

          95% of this post was unnecessary information that just gives people reasons to make fun of you, anon. Summarize your issue next time.

          I just wanted to make it clear that my bf hasn't been fully respectful of my independence before.

          Oh and I brought up autism OP because I know many of them, male and female. And they are so blind to social danger it’s not even funny. Their social blindness doesn’t stop at not knowing how to flirt or make friends. It extends to everything social, even the dark parts of social exchanges, like threats, manipulation, psychological trickery. They can’t see it for shit. And people take advantage of that.

          Idk, I might be autistic. I never really feel endangered in the situations people tell me I should, because nothing bad has really ever happened before.

          You're a mentally ill woman. Address this fact first then everything else will fall into place.

          I might not be neurotypical but I feel like my problems are farther reaching than this isolated incident. I feel like my bf doesn't respect me, like I'm just supposed to go along with whatever he tells me to do instead of deciding for myself. Overprotective, I might say. Because it feels like anything I do he needs to be sure I'm safe doing it.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >So I think even if I did what my bf said, everything would have been about the same so why is it a big deal that I did differently?
            Because cars have locks on them. You lock yourself in. This means attackers have a hard time getting in. It’s the same reason why your front door has locks on it at home. Also car alarms. If an attacker tries to break into the car, alarm goes off. Alarms alert people. And attackers don’t want to be seen in the act, they run away. The car is safer. Attackers only have one way in (through your broken window if they smash it). That means they have to climb in head first. That means their head is open and vulnerable to attack and kick and more to defend yourself.

            If you are outside the car? No more protection. Easily approached from every angle. Nowhere to hide. No alarms to alert others.

            >because he said I looked like I wasn't from around there (which I think was because I'm white).
            No, it was because he was street smart. He saw an aloof girl who didn’t seem to understand the shithole she was standing in, and he saw the exact same vulnerabilities you have that I am describing to you. Fortunately for you, he wasn’t the kind to take advantage. But he knows how those streets are, and he helped to get you the frick out of there before someone less kind took a turn with you.

            That line “You don’t look like you’re from around here” is one you hear a lot from men who live in rough neighbourhoods. We say it to anyone who looks like they’re a fish out of water, someone who clearly has got zero idea of what hellhole they’re walking in.

            >I never really feel endangered in the situations people tell me I should, because nothing bad has really ever happened before.

            Start listening to those people who tell you to pay attention. They are seeing what I see and are trying to protect you from your own blindness and naive thinking. doesnt mean you are dumb, you probably are smart in other ways. But not street smart.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >i’m pretty sure strange men want to help me 🙂
            It’s dangerous to be this naive

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >but its not like they're a whole different species?
        Wait, are you implying you could defend yourself without a weapon against a grown man?
        You simply can't. You just run away, For a man, handling an adult woman is roughly like handling a 6-8 years old child is for an adult woman. (At least according to grip strength differential)

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          >You just run away
          And even then that's not good enough. OP:

          https://i.imgur.com/WnD7Liy.png

          I've been having a lot of frustrations lately in my relationship. I'm an AFAB sex positive biromantic asexual enby, which just means I identify between male/female, I am romantically interested in both sexes but I'm not sexually interested in anyone (I am willing to indulge my partner though).

          My current boyfriend is a great guy, but he's kind of vanilla. I'm the first person he has dated, and he's always been one of those churchboy types so he doesn't understand a lot of what I try to communicate to him about my identity.

          I told him recently about how I dated a woman before I met him, and he looked uncomfortable. He kept asking if I'm still a lesbian, and we had to have the whole talk about why I'm not a lesbian.

          Anyway, the big trouble came when my car broke down and I didn't know how to get it started. I called him to walk me through what to do, but he acted like I wouldn't be able to do it. He acted like I was in a dangerous place when I told him where I broke down (just the poorer part of town, nothing dangerous about it). He urged me to stay in the car with the doors locked.

          I got out and tried to look at the car myself while I waited for him, and an old man saw me and helped me get the car running fast. I told my bf about it, and he got mad because "its a bad area and something could have happened".

          I get the feeling he thinks I'm fragile or something, and I want to be sure he understands that I'm both emotionally and practically more resilient than other girls. How can I tell this church boy in a way he'll get?

          here is a challenge for you: Next time you and boyfriend are outside enjoying a stroll, ask him to race you, see who is faster. Tell him you want him to show off his masculine horsepower legs and to not go easy on you. 3 2 1 go

          and then watch him burst off running way faster than your womanly legs can carry you. Once you've acknowledged this, imagine what would happen if you chose to try and 'run away' from male attackers instead of playing it smart and staying in the car.

          I know hollywood and disney make it look all cool and empowering on the TV screens where they make women look like they are on an even playing field physically, but it's all bullshit and not reality.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        no not autistic just straight up fricking stupid

        Man this guy made a big mistake when he picked you

        this

        https://i.imgur.com/WnD7Liy.png

        I've been having a lot of frustrations lately in my relationship. I'm an AFAB sex positive biromantic asexual enby, which just means I identify between male/female, I am romantically interested in both sexes but I'm not sexually interested in anyone (I am willing to indulge my partner though).

        My current boyfriend is a great guy, but he's kind of vanilla. I'm the first person he has dated, and he's always been one of those churchboy types so he doesn't understand a lot of what I try to communicate to him about my identity.

        I told him recently about how I dated a woman before I met him, and he looked uncomfortable. He kept asking if I'm still a lesbian, and we had to have the whole talk about why I'm not a lesbian.

        Anyway, the big trouble came when my car broke down and I didn't know how to get it started. I called him to walk me through what to do, but he acted like I wouldn't be able to do it. He acted like I was in a dangerous place when I told him where I broke down (just the poorer part of town, nothing dangerous about it). He urged me to stay in the car with the doors locked.

        I got out and tried to look at the car myself while I waited for him, and an old man saw me and helped me get the car running fast. I told my bf about it, and he got mad because "its a bad area and something could have happened".

        I get the feeling he thinks I'm fragile or something, and I want to be sure he understands that I'm both emotionally and practically more resilient than other girls. How can I tell this church boy in a way he'll get?

        >I'm an AFAB sex positive biromantic asexual enby, which just means I identify between male/female, I am romantically interested in both sexes but I'm not sexually interested in anyone (I am willing to indulge my partner though).
        >How can I tell this church boy in a way he'll get?
        just by reading these parts i can tell you're insufferable to be around

  3. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    You have a mental illness

  4. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    95% of this post was unnecessary information that just gives people reasons to make fun of you, anon. Summarize your issue next time.

  5. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    frick off troony

  6. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah you're definitely autistic from clinging to all those useless labels and over explaining yourself to strangers.
    Btw, that makes you extra vulnerable to bad people because they will just go along with what you say and lie so that you wouldn't question if it was true or not.
    That old man was thankfully not jeffery dahmer.

  7. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    You're a mentally ill woman. Address this fact first then everything else will fall into place.

  8. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    seriously though this board is for nazi incels just post this thread on /lgbt/

  9. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >I'm an AFAB sex positive biromantic asexual enby
    I think you may have meant to post this on reddit.com

  10. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Man this guy made a big mistake when he picked you

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