Lesbian married to a man

I got married to a guy I met online last year and he’s wonderful but autistic and offers 0 emotional support
I swore off of women to try the straight and narrow. I have lost all my friends and am living in a new place where I have no friends or family locally, I am 100% alone outside of him

We recently conceived and realized we weren’t ready, but I miscarried at 7 weeks. I’m out of tears to cry and can’t process anymore

I thought I was lesbian before we met, he knew this marrying me. I gave full disclosure. im feeling like im still a lesbian after the dust has settled. I miss pussy so much.
I’m stuck between getting it on the side and staying in the marriage or admitting this to him and letting him rule me with an iron fist. I value my autonomy but I do not trust myself to not chase after women on the side so I stay sane. I feel so alone and I miss women. I’ve told him I need communication and he gives me nothing, I try to start dialogue, but after the miscarriage I’ve been so depressed and suicidal that I give up. I’m done trying for now

He’s wanted me to sleep with other men but I can only stomach him in terms of sex with men. But I am struggling to want to have male sex at all due to the miscarriage. He gets nothing from watching me sleep with women but they’re all im attracted to.
Is it really that bad to have lesbian affairs? Plz help.

Before anyone suggests, yes I am in therapy doing IFS + EMDR and im on psych meds for my slew of issues. I’ve been put on more meds bc of how severe my depression has gotten after losing the baby. No I do not have bpd

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There is a terrible irony in him wanting you to sleep with men but not wanting you to sleep with women.
    In that it's fully about him. You're just a source of his sexual gratification in this. I don't envy your position.
    If anything it sounds like you've made a rash mistake in marrying this dude. I can assure you if he's not supportive/communicating well after what has happened to you, it isn't likely going to be there in other times of crisis.
    I hate saying this, as it's the stereotypical NSFFW answer, but you really need to consider if this marriage is worth keeping. He isn't being supportive, he isn't there for you, and he seems incapable of communication while you're isolated. Is that what you want for years?

    • 4 weeks ago
      ;)

      Agree. This whole post is weird. Too much stuff going on. All these sentences are just strange. Maybe a problem with formulation.

      "We recently conceived and realized we weren’t ready, but I miscarried at 7 weeks". Seems like you both continue to make poor choices.

      "He’s wonderful but autistic and offers 0 emotional support". So what you are saying is he is not wonderful. Reminds me of that episode of Kitchen Nightmares. "Our menu is perfect. 10/10. Just needs to be modernized and changed all together". Well if it was perfect nothing would have needed to be done. Going through a time like this, with a husband who is in some form of way moronic, is not really optimal. Ontop of things his partner wants to sleep with women. What is even going on? Ever sat down and thought about this? Maybe it is time to stop.

      "He’s wanted me to sleep with other men but I can only stomach him in terms of sex with men". What does this even mean. He straight up said he wanted it? Some form of cuck fetish or just because that is the only thing he knows (or think he knows) will satisfy your needs? Tell him to want to get licked.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I mean idk, I can tell he loves me. I just don’t feel it. Everything feels plastic.

        He’s told me it’s not a cuck thing but a hot wife swinger thing? Again, idk what the root is but I won’t frick men. Period. He won’t do oral because autism and grossed out by female anatomy

        • 4 weeks ago
          ;)

          His entire diagnosis is clearly just fricking your life up. Sometimes it's hard for posters to give readers (us) a good chance to understand. In this case it is clear as day, that he is just not suitable for anyone other than another autistic personality. I had a coworker who was this exact guy. His poor wife just lived with it, even tho she had it horrible. I'm not in a position to give advice on relationships really, but this one is clear as day. He is unintentionally abusing you emotionally. I know it's hard to just admit this and move on, but the guy is lost. Of course he loves you. No one else would agree to live under these conditions, while you just suck it up and play along. Sorry it's not to sound mean, but getting out of this shitfest should be your first priority. Sure he gives, but his personalty clearly takes 3 times of what he offers. You sound very caring and smart, so go and cut losses right now, or regret it in 5 years when his behavior gets too much.

          This is also going to sound rough, but that child not making it, might have been for the better. Would give you even more "guilt" to stay. You are a person pleaser. Start pleasing yourself. Nothing here is done for the sake of anyone else but him. GET OUT.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I’m driving home to be with my family tomorrow for a bit anyways. I’m self destructing here. I will see where things go but they want the same for me and have said the same basically. It’s made them apologize for the years of homophobia, seeing how this has just fricking derailed my life and put me in one of the worst places I’ve ever been mentally

            I don’t hate my husband. He’s a good man and he cares as much as people with autism can, I see it, it makes me feel huilty

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It's ok to feel guilty, but ultimately you have to understand it's not your fault that things aren't working out, and it's not your responsibility to reciprocate his love when you feel literally incapable of doing so. Ending a relationship is hard, but it sounds like it'll be a good thing in the long run, even if it hurts both of you in the short term.

          • 4 weeks ago
            ;)

            I don't know what counseling does to be exactly, but with a diagnosis, I would believe the effect to be minimal to non. Take your time before making a decision. Have gotten the feeling of other important decisions to have been rushed. I have had to do the same in the past. Sat down and thought about all my chances. Holy shit have my mistakes been huge. Lots of things that I still regret. Hope everything works out girl.

            Be safe.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >name is 😉
            >said she has /misc/ husband
            how about you let your grieving wife get some time away from you lol

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Are you implying this is my husband posting
            Funny if true it might be I have no idea im sitting in my car unable to sleep in our bed and he justcame outside and asked me to come in but I can’t sleep in our bed
            If this is my husband posting lollmao

          • 4 weeks ago
            ;)

            Ohh I don't have a wife no. And I don't want to post in pol. Never actually been on there, since that is too much NSFFW for me. Too cancerous without being helpful. Only visit advice. That is kind of a long shot to assume it is him. Would also doubt the guy would like to separate from his wife. Even said in previous replies that it would never work. Now how does that make sense cutie?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >He’s wanted me to sleep with other men but I can only stomach him in terms of sex with men
          Lol what a wreck.

          >He’s told me it’s not a cuck thing but a hot wife swinger thing?
          It’s a cuck fetish.
          >He won’t do oral because autism and grossed out by female anatomy
          It only gets worse lmao. Is this bait?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Not bait, all legit, I just found myself in a shitty situation because I wanted to give my children a normal white picket fence upbringing

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    lmao this is insane. so many things. you knew youre gay and married a man. he wants you to cuck him. why did you even get married at all?

    you’re telling the story as if he’s a useless moron but you married him. so what’s the real story here? did you not think about the choice to get married and just went with it?

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sorry to hear about your struggles.

    Is he interested in seeing you with men instead of women as part of a cuckold kink?

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    I need emotional support and I’ve received none. I talk and talk and he says nothing, if I ask his feelings or opinions he gives me one word answers. I’m done trying to pull teeth. I won’t beg for support or to have dialogue because im a human being and humans need that. I felt so loved with women, there’s a really unique mental connection + understanding shared between two women. He’s not intimate with me either. Even before I got pregnant we had sex maybe 1-2x a week which is ok, but I don’t feel comfortable initiating because I don’t understand sex with men and it still makes me kinda uncomfortable. I have grown a lot more comfy with him though compared to the beginning. But im still uncomfortable and just mentally checking out at this point.

    He gives me no compliments. I am a size 2/XS and conventionally??? attractive for ref. As in I’ve never really heard complaints and have heard that im pretty.

    We sit in silence. If he has time off he’s usually just on his phone. I’ve tried to get him out of the house. I’ve tried to cook and bake his favorite foods but he barely touches it, and im not a shit cook.
    Everything lacks depth. I miss intimacy, I miss communication, I miss being comfortable, I miss open exchanges of love. He physically treats me well, we have a nice home and im free to do whatever I want within reason. But idc about those things very much, I have a high salary job for my age range and can afford it on my own.

    I miss women so much. Thought I’d try the trad thing but I hate it so far and miss doing the man-work for women. I want to feel loved so badly.

    I’m drunk and rambling because I can’t sleep night after night . Sorry for the format issues and piss poor explanatjons
    And to another anon who responded yes I am moronic and make poor choices I guess

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >I have a high salary job for my age range and can afford it on my own.
      Lol lady, just leave... god, you need therapy or astrology or something because this is just making me cringe.

      Even if you end up not gay there's better men than this dude, he sounds disgusting

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I know a lot of this is bc he’s autistic, I have adhd so I’d like to think I can understand

    • 4 weeks ago
      ;)

      It's 2024. Everyone got ADHD.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    are you going to try for another baby?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Probably not. I was regretting it as soon as he gave me nothing but a hug and a glazed over look when I told him I was pregnant, and he’s adamantly wanted kids. I always assumed I’d adopt with another woman but I was willing to try

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    What you have is not marriage. It’s like a weird trauma bond. Just frick women and don’t have kids. You’ll just make your kids suffer 1000x. You have no support system to raise a healthy child. My condolences though.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Idk how it’s even a trauma bond. We’ve shared basically zilch emotionally. I grew up on this website and finally internalized it to the point of being like “I guess I’ll try the tradwife thing” and if this is what it is, it sucks.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I’m lowkey thankful I miscarriage bc of this but it’s still broken my fricking heart. I wanted to be normal and not a homosexual.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Honestly, from one lesbian to another, you've got to let it go. If you really can't stomach being with a man, even with how hard you've been trying, it's not the lifestyle for you, and you can't force being hetero. I have an estranged grandmother who's lesbian, and has been happily married for longer than I've been alive, you can make a life worth living. move past the shit people say on here and start your way to a life you're happy with.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Thank you nona. I think I drank the koolaid and am regretting it but I’ve always struggled to accept my lesbianism tbh, and I’ve been out for like a decade now so idk. This website is probably bad for me undoing that shame

          Well he has to give some ground. Does he know the marriage is on the ropes?

          Yes

          > I wanted to be normal and not a homosexual.
          You wanted to be straight before getting with him?

          I’ve always dealt with being ashamed of being a lesbian, I’ve wanted a family and thought it could only come from trying to ungay myself. I could honestly stomach it if the communication/emotional connection was there

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >I’ve always dealt with being ashamed of being a lesbian, I’ve wanted a family and thought it could only come from trying to ungay myself. I could honestly stomach it if the communication/emotional connection was there
            Unless you're religiously devout I don't see any reason why you wouldn't just date women? Is this a /misc/ blood and soil type of thing?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I’m religious but not an extreme amount. I think I literally brainwashed myself on /misc/ and by having mommy issues/homophobic family.

            having a family won't fix your shit, it will amplify it rather
            bringing a child into an arrangement like that would create an entirely new kind of fricked up and you'll hate yourself for it

            I know, it’s why im lowkey thankful I miscarried but I still lost my baby and it hurts

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >I’m religious but not an extreme amount
            Is like a Jordan Peterson "Christianity is good for civilization" kind of faith?
            Or do you literally believe Jesus Christ is God?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I’m a Baptist. Go to church on Sundays psalms memorized by heart Baptist

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >I’m a Baptist. Go to church on Sundays psalms memorized by heart Baptist
            That doesn't quite answer the question though?

            Do you genuinely believe that Christ will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead?

            Or do you enjoy the tradition, community, etc?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Both.
            Not as big on tradition
            Community because I have been so isolated here and I can at least speak to people there
            My faith is in me with or without a church to attend

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well in that case you should probably separate from your husband and remain celibate. (I realize that's easy for me to say).

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah I understand, it is a very unfortunate situation. You need to allow yourself to heal, I don't think any of this will contribute. This marriage is a ship without a captain, abandoning it while you can is the best way imo

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            having a family won't fix your shit, it will amplify it rather
            bringing a child into an arrangement like that would create an entirely new kind of fricked up and you'll hate yourself for it

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Oh and on the family front, you could just go to a sperm bank and have gigachad babies?

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Let me admit my faults too, I’ve barely been able to shower and function after all of this. I normally eat super healthy and I’ve ate nothing but fast food, started smoking again, drinking, smoking weed. I sit in my car usually instead of going inside because I’ve expressed my needs so many times already. I stopped talking at him because I’m tired of never hearing anyt dialogue. I stopped initiating any affection because I never get anything back anyways. I just have given up

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >He’s wanted me to sleep with other men but I can only stomach him in terms of sex with men. But I am struggling to want to have male sex at all due to the miscarriage. He gets nothing from watching me sleep with women but they’re all im attracted to.
    Maybe his idea of lesbian sex is all "soft lovemaking on silk sheets?"

    Perhaps cuckolding him with a strapon wearing Domme would be a beneficial compromise?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Already asked, he’s not interested. He likes domming women but I used to top women so I don’t think that would work. Or it would be odd because im still not used to sex with men and trying to acclimate but I think the bedroom died with the miscarriage anyways

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Eh, that seems kinda sexist of him though? Like a woman isn't formidable enough.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          How so? He’s made me feel like shit about being awkward im the bedroom by saying im weird or xyz isn’t normal (i have trouble getting off) but i literally don’t know how to have sex with men. I feel like this should be understandable, I’ve been very open about my sexuality

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It's just strange that he wants you to have sex with other guys, not not girls.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I even offered him being involved and he’s like “nah”, claims he’s asexual to some degree. Idk. I’ve suspected gay. I just miss intimacy and love and pussy at this point

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            That's disgusting, let me guess he watches porn? Just ditch him, get a job it's not that bad, roommates can be fun for a short term stop being lazy dude.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I know he’s struggled w porn addiction but swears he hasn’t touched any, but I see him scrolling hentai telegram channels so ik that’s bullshit probably. I have a job lmao. I’m not relying on him for anything financially, I could quit if I wanted but it’s my beacon of sanity

            >I have a high salary job for my age range and can afford it on my own.
            Lol lady, just leave... god, you need therapy or astrology or something because this is just making me cringe.

            Even if you end up not gay there's better men than this dude, he sounds disgusting

            I’m in therapy and currently on a lobotomy tier med wienertail after having been off of them for years. If nothing improves im going to have to leave so I don’t an hero, legitimately

            >he swears he isn’t, he came v quick when we did have sex idk if that’s any indicator
            So does my pillow but I'm not attracted to it. No offense.

            Yeah this is how I feel. I’m not attracted to male anatomy (their bodies and faces can be attractive but the anatomy is nope) but I can still get off, with difficulty, but it is possible

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Snoop through his device and find his gay porn. There's your casus belli (however you spell it)

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You should do some digging into your psyche and read some books about your mindset and addictive behavior. Honestly that industry is designed to make money, you really need to slowly get off these meds, fix your diet (stop eating processed sugar it causes mood disorders), and leave this torturous relationship.

            The fact that you're drinking in these meds is messed up. You're going to end up 50 and totally gone mentally.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I was off them for half a decade. I was already losing it and unable to function, suicidal level by the time I asked for meds again. I’ve at least been able to make myself a meal here or there again. Been on adderall for yrs and it helped a lot (I WAS EATING HEALTHY AND NO SUBSTANVE ABUSE) but this shit has me the worst I’ve ever been. I had a gun in my mouth and decided to ask for meds again after 5-6 yrs without. Please get fricked

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Please get fricked
            Just trying to encourage you to think outside of the boxes you've built around yourself. Honestly, enjoy your precious little life of denial and running in circles over shit you can massively improve in a weekend if you weren't so stuck in the past and up your own ass

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            NTA
            Please take your schizo trutherisms elsewhere.
            If you knew something you'd be something.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Lmaoooo are you fricking moronic or something? I grew up on /misc/, I ate no sugars or processed foods for a decade. My life has fallen apart. I worked my way into making right at half a mil a year so I could give a child everything they wanted in life. I started working towards it when I was 14. I killed my desires because I read the research on children raised by hetero couples vs lesbian couples. I wanted to give a child everything I never had. I took the /misc/ pills. I’m on meds to get me stable enough so I don’t literally kill myself because I was about to check myself into a ward, my husband had to hide the guns and my keys. They plan to nitrate me off once im stable enough. You are a fricking moron.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >You are a fricking moron.
            So from someone who couldn't discern that /misc/ is full of hateful people who warped your mind apparently, but kept going there.

            And im grieving the loss of my CHILD!!!! Whoa!!!! What a shock that this is the outcome, I followed all the fricking rules to a T and I tried my goddamndest and I still lost because im a homosexual

            Just accept yourself. Realize god made you this way for a reason and stop being so assblasted by the totally acceptable way to be gay. Gen alpha (what your kid will be) is gay as frick like they don't care. Trying to raise a child as a basket case who wont turn her life around married to some emotionally stunted weirdo who doesn't connect... if you're so smart why don't you see how fricked up that is vs some lesbians that actually like eachother? What if your kid ends up gay, will you tell it its wrong?

            I don't feel sorry for you anymore. You let others opinions and approval rule every facet of your life, id look down on you as weak if you were my mother. Id say peace, but youd just frick it up.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Hey hey I know we’re all chronically online or whatever but can you believe that it’s actually hard to predict how these kinds of things will go bedore you’re actively in them. You k ow how reality never fully matches what you have in your head? That

            Enjoy being a salty hateful little mofo on a Chinese basketweaving forum. I’m sure you live a fulfilling and successful life, Black person

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            And im grieving the loss of my CHILD!!!! Whoa!!!! What a shock that this is the outcome, I followed all the fricking rules to a T and I tried my goddamndest and I still lost because im a homosexual

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You followed the wrong rules is the problem lol, /misc/ is not a place where you should take life advice

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Being 12 on the internet is hard and once you plant the seeds it’s b difficult to get rid of lmao im a *moronic homosexual, corrected

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Being 12 on the internet is hard and once you plant the seeds it’s b difficult to get rid of
            true, but you'll thank yourself if you work towards deprogramming, even the little changes will make things so much easier

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It’s taken me years so far, im sure it’ll take more but being around a /misc/ husband does not help and I need to go be with my family cause I just need love rn lmfao

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Even if you were the straightest woman who ever lived, this marriage would still suck. No one would be satisfied with your husband.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Comforting. Thanks anon

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            You're welcome. I wish you well.

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why'd you get married to him?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Because I love him, we do normally get along outside of the lack of communication. I don’t fight though, I just walk away and im at my walk away point. I’ve been in indescribable mental pain with no support. Maybe he sees what he’s done as support but we can’t have dialogues about feelings, it’s always just me talking. I don’t know if any of this is fixable

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Is couples counseling an option?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Yeah, my therapist offers couples counseling but he’s super anti therapy so I dunno if he’d bite

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well he has to give some ground. Does he know the marriage is on the ropes?

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Summary
    >he knowingly married a lesbian
    >he doesn't initiate sex
    >he isn't affectionate
    >he isn't romantic
    >he doesn't care to see you with women (a huge fantasy for most men)
    >he does want to see you with other men however.
    >he thinks pussy is gross
    He's gay.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I’ve thought this too and asked him if he is because I wouldn’t be mad, but he swears he isn’t, he came v quick when we did have sex idk if that’s any indicator

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >he swears he isn’t, he came v quick when we did have sex idk if that’s any indicator
        So does my pillow but I'm not attracted to it. No offense.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      kek
      >"a Lesbian married a Gay man, and they both just want to appear as a normal straight couple"

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Being a lesbian is based though, there are hotter lesbians than ever like 10/10s. You can't give that up for some emotionally stunted weirdo.

    I rarely think cheating is the answer but in your case it would end the relationship easy enough

  13. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    > I wanted to be normal and not a homosexual.
    You wanted to be straight before getting with him?

  14. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is an actual clusterfrick sorry again for my piss poor explanations

  15. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    I should have specified my grandmother is married to a woman lol, but you probably got that. But yeah, I don't think this site has done you any favors in finding a happy life lol

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I’m very drunk and hearing about your grandma is making me cry, I see old married lesbian couples around my town sometimes and it makes me happysad to see. Congrats to your grandma that’s very sweet im happy for her
      I’ve tried to undo the programming from this website but its taking so much time and painful work
      My husband is natsoc /misc/ weeb (but is like, ripped and actually very conventionally attractive for a man) so none of that helps either

      Snoop through his device and find his gay porn. There's your casus belli (however you spell it)

      He’s admitted to traps, I know his hard drive is full of videos of women cheating on their bfs/husbands but it’s a swinger style thing and not really humiliation. But I think he’s focused on the dicks in the videos. I really miss getting and giving head. I thi k oral would be better than Prozac and Xanax at this point

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >My husband is natsoc /misc/ weeb
        >He’s admitted to traps, I know his hard drive is full of videos of women cheating on their bfs/husbands but it’s a swinger style thing and not really humiliation. But I think he’s focused on the dicks in the videos
        Many such cases.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >He’s admitted to traps
        As a /misc/ chick you're well aware that traps are gay.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          He’s admitted to some level of bisexuality, then asexuality, then neither. Idk. I’ve always suspected gay and it’s felt like a double beard marriage

  16. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    follow you heart and go frick the woman 🙂

  17. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Lesbian top
    >500k a year salary
    >not woke
    Anon, you're a FemChad.
    I'd be afraid to introduce you to my gf

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Thank you
      God gave me the consciousness of a man but I love women and being a woman who loves women (when im actually able to enjoy the intimate moments) too much to troon out
      Signedwhatever miniscule part of my brain doesn’t feel shame for being a homo

  18. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Husband doesn't wanna watch you lez out
    I am beyond envious. I am cursed to love lesbian women, despite being a man. I hope you find a middle ground with a swinger couple or something so you can still get pussy.
    Pleade live.

  19. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    > He gets nothing from watching me sleep with women
    That's a serious doubt there anon, all men I know wished they had a harem of females making love to each other.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I think he’s gay. Always have.
      would gladly have lesbian harem sex and be in a marriage with a man I can tolerate mentally, I literally just adore and love women so much and want to care for them
      I know this borders creepy lesbian talk but I love everything about them, it’s a pure love, I am tempted to just give my disposable money to women I used to sleep with & date just to spoil them because seeing women happy makes me so happy. It brings me so much joy. I miss being so inspired by them, sex or no sex. To connect, to be motivated to shower them in adoration, gifts, do little photoshoots for them, nice dinners, shows, trips, etc. Make them feel beautiful and safe and loved. Painting them, custom compliments from a genuine place, making their favorite meals, the little things and the big ones too
      It filled my heart, I miss it so much. I get far less joy out of doing things for myself, but watching feminine joy is so beautiful. I could get lost in it, lost in their minds, their energy, their bodies. Pure adoration

      I feel none of that for men but I did it all because I wanted a child, and I wanted that child to be raised “normal”
      feel like im living in my personally curated (for a good reason but I fricked yo not realizing it would go so poorly in practice) nightmare hell world

      This has been embarrassing and I will regret saying this shit online, it’s meme tier but it’s true, I just love women so much

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The way women smile and laugh is really intoxicating

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Rent a cabin in the woods, you can clearly afford it. Spend time away from all distractions and write a book. You clearly have a story, and your understanding of linguistic aesthetics seems pretty good. And most importantly don't forget to leave your soulless husband before all of this.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I think I’ll do this, actually. I rented a cabin in the woods years ago to get over agoraphobia and ego death myself into being normal (I brought psychedelics and tripped for a while, until my brain unfricked itself). It did wonders for me and I attribute it to any current success I have.

          I think the communicative thing with my husband is a shame too, because it’s always been my strength. I’m a good communicator and can get even the worst communicators to work with me. My efforts have been unsuccessful here though.

          The cabin-book thing is going on my to do list, although I think it’ll take more than a month and I can really only get a month off from work at a time. I don’t need to work, but I own my business and love my job

  20. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just let the EMDR take its course.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It’s been about a year and nothing. Not helpful. IFS has helped a lot

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        If you've been doing EMDR for an ENTIRE YEAR lmao then you should find a new therapist and start over. I'm glad IFS is working but it should be supplementary while EMDR is your base imo

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I’ve thought about firing my current therapist. She’s great, but only IFS is working with her. Might seek out someone else for EMDR and just request having IFS-only sessions

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            There's nothing wrong with having multiple specialists in psychology. Some therapists are just better at some things than other things. Your main issue is this is clearly some kind of trauma response regarding the miscarriage and other issues in your life, yet you still continue to look at these "issues" as ego-syntonic and try to solve them as if they were a math problem or something. Rather than trying to make the pain go away by seeking practical solutions, make the pain go away by addressing the trauma and allowing the accompanying emotions to pass.

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