My partner hates living in an apartment in a city. He tells me about it quite often.

My partner hates living in an apartment in a city. He tells me about it quite often. He would want to own a house in the backcountry in the middle of nowhere. Not living there is torture for him. We both agree that we can't afford a mortgage, and most likely never will. I would be perfectly happy living in a city, exactly as we do now, but he hates it, and he keeps complaining about how much he hates it and how much he suffers from it. When I ask him what he wants us to do about this, he always says that there's nothing we can do. He's not trying to propose some suggestions of what we could do, he just wants to lament for the sake of lamenting. He feels the need to regularly inform me that he is suffering about something I can't help with, and he wants to focus on the fact that he can't do anything about it, instead of trying to find something he can help to occupy himself with.

What am I supposed to do about this? Am I just supposed to spend the rest of my life listening to him complaining about the same thing we're going to live the rest of our lives doing anyway? How do I make it stop, or make it more tolerable?

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    ya probably. My dad constantly complains about the same shit over and over he possibly has low iq. Just tell him to stop talking about it.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How do I do that without hurting his feelings? Because if I say something in a way that hurts his feelings, he'll consider the ban to be over as soon as we've made up and he's no longer upset about what I said, becasue he figured I didn't mean what I said if I say that I didn't mean to upset him.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        say something like "would you stop talking about it, you're making me depressed"

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Let him buy himself asimple cab (aside from land you can buy one fro like 2 thousand) and let him spend all his vocations there

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He's unemployed gen Z with a degree in something that doesn't hire and an untreated anxiety disorder too sever for burger flipping jobs. We don't have that kind of money, or vacations. And no, he won't go to therapy on the grounds of "I don't wanna".

      say something like "would you stop talking about it, you're making me depressed"

      I've told him that I was raised to seek solutions when someone complains, and if he complains about how life is ontologically inescapably bad, the only solution that my solution-seeking brain can come up with is "should we do a double-suicide?" but apparently that doesn't drive it through.

      He becomes burdened and miserable if he doesn't get to complain. I become burdened and miserable when he DOES complain.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        sounds like you should drop this massive manchild.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Nobody else will take me and I'm not stable enough to live alone.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            he is a burden on you, not stabilizer. judging form how you talk about yourself he is definitely not supportive and is likely subtly destroying your self esteem aka is an abuser. Nobody who has a partner should feel like "nobody else will take me", having a partner should make you feel like you have some value for once. Shitton of men will take you however dishelved you are but thats not the issue at hand, you would just actually be better alone than with this pest.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            He's not an abuser, he's the only partner I've ever had who isn't abusive. He just has low standards for living and a low self-esteem in general. If he was asked, he WOULD think that I could do better, because he doesn't know how rare a man like him actually is.

            I'm ugly and can't endure sex. I'm not going to find anybody who isn't infuriatingly complacent with settling for bad options because they can't bother to try and find something better.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I have never met someone before who actually liked me and wanted to date me, that I also liked and wanted. Not treating me like shit or expecting things from me that I cannot deliver was an entirely unexpected bonus that I hadn't even considered was option.

            You sound mentally ill.
            Look Im familiar with this position but here is the thing - when I met man who actually loved me it healed me. I woulsnt not need to ask anything because his tenderness towards made me feel worthy as a human. And there is nothing grandeur about it, it is natural to feel better when we are treated like actual humans.
            He isnt making you feel worthy, so he isnt treating you well, he isnt giving any love, this whole relationship is just pointless and a waste of your time. You could be with another loser, except the one that actually loves you and elevates your existence. You are feeling worthless because he is reinforcing this idea and using it to his asvantage to leech off your off your work and body

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It's not that he wouldn't treat me well, he can't consciously choose whether or not to make me feel irritated by his worldview and lifestyle choices. He can't choose to make me happy any more than I could choose to make him happy, no matter how much we'd want to. That's not how it works, not even with true love.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I mean like b***h, seriously, you are providing for a man who complains and cant even attempt to fix his anxiety. wtf?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Can't he get a job with a landscaping company if he likes the countryside so much? Why is he unemployed?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          He has an education in IT in a field that got oversaturated because they trained too many people for this specific job. He can't get a job with a landscaping company because there's probably some sort of a vocational school you have to do in order to get a job in landscaping, and he doesn't want to go back to school on the grounds of "I don't wanna."

          His last job was in a fast food place, which he had to quit after like a month because it was too stressful and bad for his mental health. And now he's on suspension for unemployment assistance because he couldn't convince a doctor that he quit for medical reasons and not just for shits and giggles.

          I would say that he's complacent because he got spoiled at home, but he thinks that the reason I'm so harsh and brutal in my own thinking is becasue I got abused and neglected, so it's my opinion against his.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Now why in the god damn did you marry this guy if you’re so fundamentally opposite

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I have never met someone before who actually liked me and wanted to date me, that I also liked and wanted. Not treating me like shit or expecting things from me that I cannot deliver was an entirely unexpected bonus that I hadn't even considered was option.

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Frick, are you talking about me, wife?
    I'm doing the same thing, holy shit you could be making this thread about me and there wouldn't be a single thing wrong. Damn OP, does it really bother you that much? Now I'm feeling bad about it, my wife probably thinks the same.
    I also have zero solutions, lamenting is like a cope for me(us). I know that I am trapped into this globohomosexual rat utopia cage, I know that it's all by design and my hands and feet are bound by chains. It's probably the fact that we can't accept the horrible state of our reality, that even though our hands and feet and bound, our will is still unchained and we call for freedom and justice into the void. Maybe, just maybe, some God out there would listen. It's basically an evolution of the religion mind, the same way people in ancient times coped by praying to their gods, we are coping by lamenting to our wives and posting on NSFFW.
    I'm saying this as someone who is in your partner's situation.
    If he's like me, the BEST thing you can do is reassure him that yes, this world is fricking shit, we are all bound in chains and there's nothing we can do, but it's also by design. It's all designed to be this way, there's likely a housing market conspiracy to keep you forever in servitude out of fear of homelessness. You're trying to fight a thousand years old project of enslaving humanity. Keep your chin up, everything with be OK in the end. If it's not OK, then it's not the end.

    Also show him pic related

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      If your situation really is identical to mine, then you should probably know that every time you complain, your wife is probably contemplating whether she'd rather spend the rest of her life listening to you complain, or the rest of her life without you.

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Late millennial here. The reality of your situation is you're fricked because the economics are fricked. Interest rates are high and housing prices are high. Job demand is shit because everything has been manipulated.
    Even if you can't afford shit now and aren't really accumulating assets, NOT accumulating debt is still a good thing to do to position yourself for the future. Even when I was poor as shit I never lived on credit. Helped me buy my first house, in CA no less, at 25.
    Save money wherever you can. Avoid as many subscription services as possible. Pirate your media if you must.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I know that. I know all of that. I am very well and painfully aware of that. Our options are to either live like this or kill ourselves, and I was raised to see whining as such a shameful thing, that if you can't live without whining, you should just have a nice day.

      We live about as meagerly as we can, which I would not have a problem with at all, if it weren't for him complaining about it. I would be perfectly happy if I didn't have to listen to him complaining about everything. Nothing's ever fricking good enough.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Well you've laid out your options. Time to face reality. Or not. If you can't cope with him b***hing, leave him.

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There are two possibilities as I see it.

    1. He would be unhappy wherever you lived.

    2. He's working through something. But it will take too long and it grinds on you.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    it's called letting off steam sweety, women do it all the time

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I don't. And I don't understand why he does.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Bitching about things that annoy you but you can't really do much about is pretty generic behavior, are you autistic? It's even a meme where women complain about things and then get annoyed at suggested solutions. Sometimes people just complain to express what they're feeling.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I'm not, I was just raised to not whine about things I can't fix, or things I can fix but won't. I don't see how daily affirmations of "life is bad and there's nothing we can do" helps anyone feel better.

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >can't afford a mortgage but can afford rent in a city that is 4 times higher than a mortgage+homeowners insurance+property tax

    pure ignorance
    You can buy a nice enough place in a small town with a mortgage of only 500-800 a month total with all the additional bills related to owning property.

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