My wife is picking her skin and Im sick of it

She seems unable to stop. Her legs are full of scars and scabs and nothing helps. I realized that I started to be disgusted by her and I resent her more and more with each passing day.
Does anyone else share the same experience? Did your SO get better?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Stop beating her, you abusive frick.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is a mental disorder, not a bad habit. I got it too.
    It's called Body-focused Repetitive Behavior

    Take her to therapy. I'm serious.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Elaborate please?

      ProTip: The more you make her skin picking an issue, the more she picks. It's a maladaptive coping mechanism for stress. The more stress, the more she will pick. And 90% of it is done unconsciously. Think of any unconscious habit you have yourself OP. Could be pinching your eyes/nose, scratching your head, picking your nose, pacing, whatever it is. It's the same shit for them. They aren't doing it on purpose to annoy you or piss you off. And the shit part is, the more scabs they get, the more bad they feel about it, the more they pick. It's a vicious cycle.

      Dial down the resentment. I know it's hard for you too OP, you've been worried for so long that it's calcified into resentment. But remember that's how your resentment started, from worry, from caring. So don't give up on caring.

      Does she use any lotions for the cuts and scabs that can help? Does she allow you to tend to her wounds with band-aids or ointments and lotions?

      No, she won’t let me, she’s extremely embarrassed. She uses some whitening products but it doesn’t help with new cuts at all. She deadass pick on the same spot for months, how the hell it doesn’t get infected or something?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I got nothing to elaborate on. Find a good doctor and take her to therapy and if the doctor tells you to do something, you fricking do it.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >No, she won’t let me, she’s extremely embarrassed.
        Okay then I guess forcing the suggestion won’t help. But it doesn’t mean you can’t gently reassure her you would like to and that you won’t find her disgusting every now and then. Eventually she’ll feel brave enough to let you help, god willing. Again, the more it becomes an argument or the more resentment you show, the less likely she will let you see it. Because in your mind, you are angry because you are watching the girl you care about destroy herself ceaselessly. In her head, she sees your anger as proof you are disgusted by her and that convinces her she is disgusting, so naturally she will be too ashamed to let you see or treat her cuts.

        For products to help, whitening lotions only help with the browned scar tissue from old cuts. It’s not all that helpful. The new cuts are best treated with rapid repair lotions. Something like Aquaphor Healing Ointment.

        Spray-on band aids are great too. You spray it on the wounds, the liquid congeals, and it seals the cuts. And then you want to use ‘dots for spots’ band aids. They’re small, circular, and are very transparent yet flesh toned. It masks the cuts as if they weren’t there at all.

        Lastly, consider dimming lighting in the home. Specifically the bathroom and bedroom, the places where she undresses. Dimmer lights make her cuts and wounds less visible to her, so she will be less likely to be reminded and stressed = less picking. Out of sight, out of mind.

        A fidget toy like a fidget ring is helpful. Or therapy putty. Something for her hands to pick at or feel at instead of resorting to skin picking.

        Also a helpful idea, have her get a set of fake nails, specifically ones that are rounded and blunt. It makes it impossible to break skin with those on.

        And most of all - time. You won’t see rapid improvement overnight. It will be a lot of relapsing and do-overs. But overall you will see astonishing improvement long term.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I assume you pick as well, am I correct? Do you have a therapy like femanon above suggested?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I don’t pick no, my wife does. I’m in the same boat as OP and just sharing what worked, man-to-man. My wife is extremely reluctant to go to therapy for it. I am going to bet OP’s wife is going to be the same. People with dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking) are extremely ashamed of their own body and their own habit. If letting their husband in on their dilemma is too shameful, then they are most definitely going to be too ashamed to open up to a therapist, who will be a stranger and someone of perceived authority.

            Me and my wife have been making improvements without seeing any therapists. Instead we just read the therapeutic literature together and applied it ourselves.

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    ProTip: The more you make her skin picking an issue, the more she picks. It's a maladaptive coping mechanism for stress. The more stress, the more she will pick. And 90% of it is done unconsciously. Think of any unconscious habit you have yourself OP. Could be pinching your eyes/nose, scratching your head, picking your nose, pacing, whatever it is. It's the same shit for them. They aren't doing it on purpose to annoy you or piss you off. And the shit part is, the more scabs they get, the more bad they feel about it, the more they pick. It's a vicious cycle.

    Dial down the resentment. I know it's hard for you too OP, you've been worried for so long that it's calcified into resentment. But remember that's how your resentment started, from worry, from caring. So don't give up on caring.

    Does she use any lotions for the cuts and scabs that can help? Does she allow you to tend to her wounds with band-aids or ointments and lotions?

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Bitches who do that are fricking gross and should be dumped.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      And men without foreskin should be dumped

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    She needs therapy - she’s what’s know as a skin
    Seriously, it’s a thing and rooted in mental health issues. I dated someone who had this issue and she was a mess, broke it off after a couple months. If she refuses
    to get help then you are in for a rough ride and may need to reconsider things because her issue runs deeper than just the annoying skin picking

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Seriously, it’s a thing and rooted in mental health issues.
      Yeah, it’s pretty common in people with generalised anxiety disorder. And that is often common with people who have OCD and/or Autism. Though sometimes ADHD people can develop derma.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It because there bullied and tramatized. Anyone leaving someone like this should kill themselves

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >It because there bullied and tramatized. Anyone leaving someone like this should kill themselves

          I believe you. My wife had derma before I met her. She was able to pinpoint exactly when and how she developed the habit. It was through extreme trauma that was dealt to her.

          Not everyone will be understanding. Mental health stigma is a real thing. And people who are grossed out and run away, they’re not evil people either. They just simply do not understand. And in a way, it’s for the best they don’t understand. Because to understand it, it would mean they themselves need to experience crippling mental health issues, or watch someone they love go through it.

          It sucks when outsiders make judgements and shit, I get it. But all you can do is ignore them and acknowledge they don’t know what they’re criticising. But some people do understand or wish to understand.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            What kind of trauma made her pick if I may ask?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Frequent Physical and mental abuse

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            So her parents abused her and she started picking but now she’s your wife and she didn’t stop? Man that’s fricked up.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Didn’t stop at first no. Though it’s not surprising. If mental disorders or syndromes could be cured by entering a relationship, then every psychiatry book would label “Get a GF/BF and get married” as the cure lol. It just isn’t how it works.

            The only person who can fix the issue once and for all is the sufferer themselves. So the best thing to do is encourage and support them unconditionally, even if they fail over and over, you keep reminding them if their progresses and show them they can do it, small steps at a time. And they will. My wife’s picking has gone down to 10% of what it was. With only few cuts where there used to be several of dozens. I’m really proud of her.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why did you marry her?

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Make her wear gloves.

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's tough. I have the same issue and it's insanely difficult to stop. I want to stop, but it's all I want to do. My best trick is to wear small socks over my hands at night.
    If you want to help her, hug her and tell her you love her just the way she is. Rub lotion on her sores and tell her that we're going to get better together. The worst part is that you feel better in the moment, but so ashamed and embarrassed afterwards. I cant' even take my shirt off around other people it's gotten so bad.
    She needs your help...

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Somethings need to change and it is you and her both. Somehow you should both go to therapy. You need to learn how to help her and what is going on in her brain. And she needs some professional intervention to see how her skin picking can stop. IF you want her to stop, then be as loving and kind as you can, do nice things for her and bring up the question of getting help together.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Cortisone 10 maybe

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