Ruining my relationships

And before you say BPD gtfo that doesn’t exist, just people who manage their emotions poorly.

I’ve lost all my friends due to my own actions years ago now, 2. I conflict with family in my mind and sometimes when my mother pressures me in conversations we conflict, usually due to my emotions that they can read a mile away with the ups and downs even if I’m not speaking to anyone.

Basically, I’m ruining my own life with this stuff, nobody wants a bar of me, I don’t want a bar of me. My emotions can be really turbulent, and I think God is trying to test me and make me screw everything up.

Ok mother doesn’t pressure me, I don’t know how to describe our conversations, probably more like I do the wrong thing, mother wants to know why, I don’t wanna say why, or I’m feeling emotional and don’t want to say why. So I’m putting pressure on myself because I don’t want to confess anything.

Thankfully I don’t have anything wrong with me so I can still bounce back, I am only two decades old after all.

Any reasons why my emotions are so turbulent? Age?

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  1. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Do you drink alcohol or watch porn? It's definitely part of ago my dude. You're 20 and have a ton of emotion and energy and need to find a way to get it out. Try fitness and discipline. Self shame but don't hate yourself too much.

    You seem aware of the demon so just gotta take control of it.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I watch porn. I don’t drink although if I did I’d probably have friends. Oh that makes sense with the porn and ego. I’ll give those a go, I am going to gym and I will try to get a routine going for my studies. Disliking myself is justified to me, but I’ll cut back, I’ll fight this demon. It’s worth it.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Stop porn. Part of the weirdness with your mom. Porn is like heroin on the brain and fricks up your emotions like you mention.

        Drinking is a bit of a meme frankly. It just allows you to tolerate people.

        Remember too buddy the strongest bulls are the wildest. So it's more about some form of discipline and control of self over destruction.

        Disliking yourself is apart of the growing up. Just gotta fix the problems as opposed to self destroy.

        Women in bikini's on Insta is still porn btw. Try just jerking off to imagination or not at all.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          I will quit it, thanks for the support and advice.
          I will be better. I agree with all the things you said

          Tuf

          Do I know you?

        • 7 days ago
          Anonymous

          >Bpd isn't real it's just people who can't control their emotions
          >so anyway I can't control my emotions
          Not that I think you have bpd but Jesus..

          Do you drink alcohol or watch porn? It's definitely part of ago my dude. You're 20 and have a ton of emotion and energy and need to find a way to get it out. Try fitness and discipline. Self shame but don't hate yourself too much.

          You seem aware of the demon so just gotta take control of it.

          >Oh just stop porn that'll do it
          For christ sakes NSFFW is the dumbest place in earth now. You people are unbelievable

  2. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Tuf

  3. 7 days ago
    Anonymous

    >just people who manage their emotions poorly.
    yes, and we have words for how one is mismanaging their emotions, yours might be bpd

    • 7 days ago
      Anonymous

      I don’t have bpd, I mismanage them because it’s normal for me, doesn’t mean I’m like this all the time like someone with bpd is. The whole point of this post was to clarify how I don’t have it, so I don’t understand your post.

      Meditate, but not in the traditional sense. Do this, it taught me how to correct BPD:

      Focus on a vindictive interaction
      An interaction that makes you feel justified, right and strong
      Focus on it and embrace that feeling
      Slowly, expose yourself to situations where your ups become downs, such as family interactions
      During these interactions, hold on to the vindictive feeling. Keep your mind on the memory that makes you feel strong as you talk to them. You will not be ultra focused on them or their words, your mind will be elsewhere, on more productive memories, but you'll still be engaging the conversation. Maybe you'll try wrap it up because you've got "other" things to do, ie thinking about that memory, so your words will be formulated differently
      Additionally, see people who behave like children, whether it be family members or peers, as children. People who speak to you as if you were a moron, treat them as morons back. Ask them if they want candy or some shit, treat them as the moron they treat you. People who show you respect, show them respect back.

      Do this, and it will put you on the path of fixing your ups and downs permanently. The important part is holding on to a productive memory that keeps your emotions stable. And never let it go. This puts your mind elsewhere and makes you stop be hyper alert on interactions that previously gave you negative emotions. Everyone's thoughts are elsewhere when they speak to others, people have things that happen to them in their life that they think about, they aren't hyper aware when they talk with you, you might've just grown up with few such happy experiences, so you're always on edge when speaking to people.
      Give yourself something else, more productive and strengthening to think about, and treat negative people like children to avoid being emotionally manipulated by BPD type people, and you'll be off to a path of recovery.

      Also, remember, don't let either the ups or the downs affect your mind. Maintain your strengthening thought. This helps you stay balanced. If you lose yourself to the good and identify yourself with the good, you will lose your focus and inevitably have the down, and you will lose yourself and your focus to the down as well. Remember: "This too shall pass", and that is equally important for the good as it is for the bad. Simply maintain your focus. It will regulate your emotions and give you a logical mind in the face of both good and bad.

      Good will still feel good, but you will not lose your attention, which is most important.

      I think I understand what you are saying, I’ll give it some more thought. Thanks.

      • 7 days ago
        Anonymous

        >it’s normal for me, doesn’t mean I’m like this all the time
        ???

        • 7 days ago
          Anonymous

          I don’t really know what I meant. I think I wanted to say that we all have emotional turbulence. Don’t you?

          • 7 days ago
            Anonymous

            of course I do, I have emotional patterns that disrupt my ability to live fully, thats why I had those patterns identified by a mental health professional and am working with them to decide what works to resolve those patterns, based on previous cases of people who have the same patterns

      • 7 days ago
        Anonymous

        >bpd like this all the time
        No they aren't. They're regular people until their emotions take hold. It's extremely episodic in nature.

        All people are like this. Emotions make us stupid. Disorders describe an excess outside the expected norm in life ruining ways.

        >

        not every bad behavior is mental illness moronic zoomer homosexual

        The actual definition of a disorder (which isn't illness, it's just an identified and classified pattern of behaviour) is:

        1. A traits or set of traits rhat deviates from the norm.
        2. Is pervasive in multiple environments (you're not just like this at home)
        3. Remarkable impact to quality of life.

        That's a disorder.. if you are acting shitty in ways that other people don't be generally act shitry and it is damaging your relationships, that's a disorder.

        If you have a pattern of behaviour that has been observed and documented in lots and lots of other people, then it has a name, it has common origins, it has common treatments. That's how this shit works.

        It's not a disease you catch from a toilet seat. In your specific case it means "you're a piece of shit and we've seen exactly this before a lot in other people. Here's things that worked for them"

        • 7 days ago
          Anonymous

          And one of the reasons it's foolish to reject all this is this anon

          >Any reasons why my emotions are so turbulent? Age?
          probably because your parents never gave you a good beating or an actual punishment for your pathetic temper tantrums, I bet they always gave in to you acting like a spastic and just let you have your way
          >I conflict with family in my mind and sometimes when my mother pressures me in conversations we conflict
          literally just fricking stop doing that just stop
          you're not a baby anymore you need to learn to behave you absolute clown
          I used to do similar shit and throw temper tantrums over some tiny word of disapproval from my parents or something I took too personally then one day when I was in college and had an argument with my mother on my phone I just realized how fricking cringe I was being and how oblivious I was to the other person's point of view and I stopped, just wait a couple of minutes or hours and the rage will be gone and you will be glad you didn't act like a complete fool yet again

          though he did great reigning in control of his emotions, hes still apparently raging for hours over small things and which could possibly actually point to, among other things, a thyroid issue which would require a blood requisition to confirm and requires treatment and could be fatal if not treated. Odds of that aren't incredibly high, but it's on the list.

          Anon forreal get a biochemistry test, though. That rage is not normal and could have health implications.

          • 7 days ago
            Anonymous

            lol I do have hypothyroidism but it's treated and it's not the root of the rage anyway
            >hes still apparently raging for hours over small things
            so what? most people are like that and if you think everyone else is in a peaceful state of mind most of the time you're delusional, they just know how to control their actions instead of going "woe is me I feel this super intense emotion right now I totally gotta act on it and make sure everyone knows! I have a heckin disorder after all"
            basically you're not in control of your emotions, no one is, but you're definitely in control of your actions

          • 7 days ago
            Anonymous

            That last sentence, couldn't agree more honestly. Still I've been on the receiving end of people lashing out and figured why can't I do it like them, except they do it more regularly in less volatile doses whilst I let mine build and explode, that's a bad choice and a choice I make and now I want to stop that, it's not me, but it is becoming me. Thank you for the help.

  4. 7 days ago
    Anonymous

    Meditate, but not in the traditional sense. Do this, it taught me how to correct BPD:

    Focus on a vindictive interaction
    An interaction that makes you feel justified, right and strong
    Focus on it and embrace that feeling
    Slowly, expose yourself to situations where your ups become downs, such as family interactions
    During these interactions, hold on to the vindictive feeling. Keep your mind on the memory that makes you feel strong as you talk to them. You will not be ultra focused on them or their words, your mind will be elsewhere, on more productive memories, but you'll still be engaging the conversation. Maybe you'll try wrap it up because you've got "other" things to do, ie thinking about that memory, so your words will be formulated differently
    Additionally, see people who behave like children, whether it be family members or peers, as children. People who speak to you as if you were a moron, treat them as morons back. Ask them if they want candy or some shit, treat them as the moron they treat you. People who show you respect, show them respect back.

    Do this, and it will put you on the path of fixing your ups and downs permanently. The important part is holding on to a productive memory that keeps your emotions stable. And never let it go. This puts your mind elsewhere and makes you stop be hyper alert on interactions that previously gave you negative emotions. Everyone's thoughts are elsewhere when they speak to others, people have things that happen to them in their life that they think about, they aren't hyper aware when they talk with you, you might've just grown up with few such happy experiences, so you're always on edge when speaking to people.
    Give yourself something else, more productive and strengthening to think about, and treat negative people like children to avoid being emotionally manipulated by BPD type people, and you'll be off to a path of recovery.

    • 7 days ago
      Anonymous

      Also, remember, don't let either the ups or the downs affect your mind. Maintain your strengthening thought. This helps you stay balanced. If you lose yourself to the good and identify yourself with the good, you will lose your focus and inevitably have the down, and you will lose yourself and your focus to the down as well. Remember: "This too shall pass", and that is equally important for the good as it is for the bad. Simply maintain your focus. It will regulate your emotions and give you a logical mind in the face of both good and bad.

      Good will still feel good, but you will not lose your attention, which is most important.

  5. 7 days ago
    Anonymous

    >Any reasons why my emotions are so turbulent? Age?
    probably because your parents never gave you a good beating or an actual punishment for your pathetic temper tantrums, I bet they always gave in to you acting like a spastic and just let you have your way
    >I conflict with family in my mind and sometimes when my mother pressures me in conversations we conflict
    literally just fricking stop doing that just stop
    you're not a baby anymore you need to learn to behave you absolute clown
    I used to do similar shit and throw temper tantrums over some tiny word of disapproval from my parents or something I took too personally then one day when I was in college and had an argument with my mother on my phone I just realized how fricking cringe I was being and how oblivious I was to the other person's point of view and I stopped, just wait a couple of minutes or hours and the rage will be gone and you will be glad you didn't act like a complete fool yet again

    • 7 days ago
      Anonymous

      >beating children will eliminate mental illness
      fricking moron

      • 7 days ago
        Anonymous

        not every bad behavior is mental illness moronic zoomer homosexual

      • 7 days ago
        Anonymous

        OP here, did you actually read what he said? You learn boundaries with physical discipline and will not be such a dipshit like me. I was spanked, but not beaten, and if I was beaten, I am sure I would have turned out fine but my mother had to go and shame my father for his anger and he left on his own accord. Lousy on all accounts.

        not every bad behavior is mental illness moronic zoomer homosexual

        I am not mentally ill, who said that?

        >Bpd isn't real it's just people who can't control their emotions
        >so anyway I can't control my emotions
        Not that I think you have bpd but Jesus..

        [...]
        >Oh just stop porn that'll do it
        For christ sakes NSFFW is the dumbest place in earth now. You people are unbelievable

        Ok that was a contradiction on my part. I have quit porn for one day and it is kinda helping? Maybe I'm being overly hopeful.

        >bpd like this all the time
        No they aren't. They're regular people until their emotions take hold. It's extremely episodic in nature.

        All people are like this. Emotions make us stupid. Disorders describe an excess outside the expected norm in life ruining ways.

        >[...]

        The actual definition of a disorder (which isn't illness, it's just an identified and classified pattern of behaviour) is:

        1. A traits or set of traits rhat deviates from the norm.
        2. Is pervasive in multiple environments (you're not just like this at home)
        3. Remarkable impact to quality of life.

        That's a disorder.. if you are acting shitty in ways that other people don't be generally act shitry and it is damaging your relationships, that's a disorder.

        If you have a pattern of behaviour that has been observed and documented in lots and lots of other people, then it has a name, it has common origins, it has common treatments. That's how this shit works.

        It's not a disease you catch from a toilet seat. In your specific case it means "you're a piece of shit and we've seen exactly this before a lot in other people. Here's things that worked for them"

        I was scrolling through this board and I saw this post of yours and didn't realise it was on my thread haha, good stuff. Come on, aren't disorders how people cop out? I've been told I have Generalised Anxiety disorder by my psychologist but isn't that just me copping out and being a pussy? Look what you are saying makes sense, and it is designed to make sense so that you think 'oh yes this is me, I have "xyz" disorder. I wasn't always like this either, and I take full responsibility for it.

        When I was a child under 5 and 5 years old before my father left when I was 5 and a half my mother said dad would hit me, I remember moments of tension with him, she said that when he did it hit me it was harder than a spanking. I remember him taking the door knob off my door and locking in my room. I deserved it, I was being an annoying kid. My mother spanked me as a kid and teen, I deserved it, only ever slapped me rarely as an adult, usually deserved it.
        So while I was never beaten like you were, and I refuse to give in and say 'oh my dad hurt me bad' because he left a few hand prints on me or yelled at me. Dude he left, and he was scary, and tried to trick me during his supervised visits and stuff and all that for the 5 years after, but I didn't get my way, but rather I had a lot of love from my grandmother and mother and so I felt closer to them but if I wasn't an unwell child (another label) and I could say my health issues were serious then yes people were nice to me and accomodating, but my father still was very unkind to my mother and tormented her, and us when he lived with us and left, she was a victim of him, because she had a very violent home growing up, and my father whilst not appearing that way at first was unkind like her own father. When the court case ended between my parents that my father started. My mother met my Dad, and things have been good.

        I was never beaten, moreover, I do have the self awareness to know I am cringe with my emotions, I really wish I could have my way, but I don't, nobody does, I've lost my friendships because I could no longer roll with the jokes that were jokes at the end of the day but were a little insensitive towards myself and family.

        Your advice for calming down is exactly what I needed, at one point I was socialised, was at afterschool care for elementary school my mother disliked anger and outbursts immensely growing up, the word hate, anything like that, because anger from men is very volatile

        I also think the door knob story is funny because I talked to the neighbours all day through my window. I am still sad that things didn't work out with my father. I am very grateful to have my Dad who stepped up for me half my life ago.

        And one of the reasons it's foolish to reject all this is this anon [...] though he did great reigning in control of his emotions, hes still apparently raging for hours over small things and which could possibly actually point to, among other things, a thyroid issue which would require a blood requisition to confirm and requires treatment and could be fatal if not treated. Odds of that aren't incredibly high, but it's on the list.

        Anon forreal get a biochemistry test, though. That rage is not normal and could have health implications.

        I see about the thyroid issue possibility. I am OP not that anon, I did a test and don't have a thyroid issue, and I know people that sit around angry and most likely don't have that issue either, I wanna know what else can cause rage?

    • 7 days ago
      Anonymous

      When I was a child under 5 and 5 years old before my father left when I was 5 and a half my mother said dad would hit me, I remember moments of tension with him, she said that when he did it hit me it was harder than a spanking. I remember him taking the door knob off my door and locking in my room. I deserved it, I was being an annoying kid. My mother spanked me as a kid and teen, I deserved it, only ever slapped me rarely as an adult, usually deserved it.
      So while I was never beaten like you were, and I refuse to give in and say 'oh my dad hurt me bad' because he left a few hand prints on me or yelled at me. Dude he left, and he was scary, and tried to trick me during his supervised visits and stuff and all that for the 5 years after, but I didn't get my way, but rather I had a lot of love from my grandmother and mother and so I felt closer to them but if I wasn't an unwell child (another label) and I could say my health issues were serious then yes people were nice to me and accomodating, but my father still was very unkind to my mother and tormented her, and us when he lived with us and left, she was a victim of him, because she had a very violent home growing up, and my father whilst not appearing that way at first was unkind like her own father. When the court case ended between my parents that my father started. My mother met my Dad, and things have been good.

      I was never beaten, moreover, I do have the self awareness to know I am cringe with my emotions, I really wish I could have my way, but I don't, nobody does, I've lost my friendships because I could no longer roll with the jokes that were jokes at the end of the day but were a little insensitive towards myself and family.

      Your advice for calming down is exactly what I needed, at one point I was socialised, was at afterschool care for elementary school my mother disliked anger and outbursts immensely growing up, the word hate, anything like that, because anger from men is very volatile

      • 7 days ago
        Anonymous

        When I said my father would hit me I meant my biological father, not my dad who married my mom and has been in my life 10 years.

        • 7 days ago
          Anonymous

          and by hit, I mean with a palm ot a hand so not even bad and I wish I got abused so then people would like me and feel sorry for me.

          • 7 days ago
            Anonymous

            bro seriously have a nice day

          • 6 days ago
            Anonymous

            Well I can’t because I’ve had a perfect life. Besides I’m only going off what my mother told me. I don’t believe I’ve been abused at all. Which sucks because it means I have no value to people, no one is gonna pity me

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