Should I settle for my current bf as a 22 year old woman?

Should I settle for my current bf as a 22 year old woman? We have dated for 4 years but I am not physically attracted to him to the point that thinking about him touching me causes extreme anxiety. However, he can provide me with a comfortable life. For reference he is my only boyfriend at this point in my life, I kind of lost feelings for him a year or so ago but I thought it could just be a low period in our relationship but it still persists. I also find myself feeling like spending time with him has become more of a chore. I love and care for him as a person, but I do not know if this is sustainable long term or fair to him. Can you have a relationship without physical attraction?

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Date me instead.

    This will probably be an issue going forward if he's not allowed to be physical with you at all. If you feel like being around them is a chore you probably don't enjoy his company. Caring for someone and actually liking them are two separate things.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/kSN6Fot.jpeg

      Should I settle for my current bf as a 22 year old woman? We have dated for 4 years but I am not physically attracted to him to the point that thinking about him touching me causes extreme anxiety. However, he can provide me with a comfortable life. For reference he is my only boyfriend at this point in my life, I kind of lost feelings for him a year or so ago but I thought it could just be a low period in our relationship but it still persists. I also find myself feeling like spending time with him has become more of a chore. I love and care for him as a person, but I do not know if this is sustainable long term or fair to him. Can you have a relationship without physical attraction?

      Follow up unless you see yourself at some point coming to enjoy the person he is now or him radically changing sometime this isn't sustainable. Stick with it and you'll just grow to resent him and yourself for your decision. You'll end up a bitter person.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I agree with this sentiment but what causes me to be hesitant is the hypothetical of him changing or my feelings changing, and possibly regretting leaving him.

        Yeah you basically started dating him at 18, are you tastes exactly the same as then? Obviously not. You're just going to change and evolve even more too. Despite the insecure losers here I think dating is important because if you don't see what's out there you can end up with scum from complacency.

        Do you have no way to support yourself? I mean is some sort of sacrifice really as bad as stringing this dude along and torturing yourself by actively feeling disgusted at the person you're around? You'll only beat yourself up later for this. Grow some balls, stop being lazy, and get out of there.

        >Do you have no way to support yourself?
        Currently I have my parents, but I only have work experience at shit retail and food industry jobs and do not have a degree or high school diploma (I do however have my GED) I had to drop out of high school due to medical issues, I was in the hospital for several months and needed outpatient care after. I missed and entire year so I weighed my options and what was easier for me was getting my GED.

        Young people always feel like they will never find anyone if the give up on their current relationship.

        Nothing could be further from the truth.

        Familiarity is very comfortable, that is another huge thing for me. I do have a very personal relationship with him obviously, we have been dating for 4 years, do the thought of losing that and going through the process of meeting someone new and answering questions like what my favorite color is or what do I do for fun seems dreadful.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          GED is fine. Can't your boyfriend get you a job? Parents? Aunt? Some sort of online thing? Take responsibility and be proactive or youll be 30 with this man

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    No, that relationship won't work, and it should be taken for what it is, an almost one sided couple.

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah you basically started dating him at 18, are you tastes exactly the same as then? Obviously not. You're just going to change and evolve even more too. Despite the insecure losers here I think dating is important because if you don't see what's out there you can end up with scum from complacency.

    Do you have no way to support yourself? I mean is some sort of sacrifice really as bad as stringing this dude along and torturing yourself by actively feeling disgusted at the person you're around? You'll only beat yourself up later for this. Grow some balls, stop being lazy, and get out of there.

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Set him free.

    It's not worth it or fair to either of you to pretend and hold on for the most important decision-making years of your life.

    If the roles were reversed, and he felt this way about you, wouldn't you want him to set you free? Don't stick around for materialistic reasons.

    My take: Love is the only truth in the universe. If you don't seek it, you're betraying the entire reason you exist.

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You sound moronic and shallow. You're 22 you dumb b***h, settling shouldn't even be an idea to you. Also let the poor man go. I highly doubt you're doing much for his self esteem cause I'm sure he's asking why his gf still hangs around despite being a frigid c**t.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >sustainable long term or fair to him
    Correct, it is neither. Let him go and look for someone else.

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Young people always feel like they will never find anyone if the give up on their current relationship.

    Nothing could be further from the truth.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yes. He will kill himself if you break up. You don’t want a suicide on your hands, do you? You are going to kill him.

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why did you lose attraction to him to begin with? Did he get fat? Did he stop caring about you?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I remember the exact moment. One time he said if I didn't send him nudes more frequently he wanted to consider breaking up with me, from then on anything physical became a chore. He since apologized and redacted it and it was a long argument but that is what caused it.

      This sounds like a discussion you should be having with him, not us. If you've been together for that long and can't have a frank talk about relationship problems then you've got other issues.

      Instead of posting on NSFFW like a moron go talk to him and explain how you are feelings so that maybe you guys can figure out a way to fix this. Nothing happens overnight this is why things need to be addressed while they are fresh instead of ignoring them. Ignoring things leads you to where you are. You people would rather let something fall apart instead of communicating with the other person.

      I want outside opinions before causing irreparable damage to my relationship

      It's possible to mistake feelings dampening for feelings going away. There are a lot of things that can dampen feelings. The very fact that you feel emotionally obligated to feel a certain way about him is stressful enough to dampen any feeling.

      This is why im concerned ill regret it if I leave him

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Sounds like depolarization. Based on your story I'm assuming you didn't switch on or off any sort of hormonal birth control? He needs to be more of a man.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I was on the pill when we started dating and then got off of it, is it relevant? Genuinely curious

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Yes, off of birth control you will physically want men who feel more manly to you. Do you feel like in the relationship he is a leader, and you follow?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Wow that is pretty accurate, can I find more info about this anywhere?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Meaning he is more feminine in voice and appearance, I would say it is rather equal other wise besides he is more financially fiscal so in that regard I guess he leads

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Meaning he is more feminine in voice and appearance, I would say it is rather equal other wise besides he is more financially fiscal so in that regard I guess he leads

            "This is Your Brain on Birth Control" by Sarah E. Hill, Ph.D.
            Your options are
            1. Be unhappy and/or cheat
            2. Leave him
            3. Get back on birth control
            4. Trigger a change that gets him to be more naturally manly (not just you nagging him)

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >I remember the exact moment. One time he said if I didn't send him nudes more frequently he wanted to consider breaking up with me
        Well, it’s not wholly unreasonable, then. It’s probably your subconscious complaining about the lack of trust or something like that.
        I’m usually against engaging or breaking a relation on the grounds of attraction because every long term relationship is a game of compromise, but in this case it’s more of a symptom of general dissatisfaction and lack of faith.
        Maybe have a serious talk to him before breaking up if you think there’s a chance to relight things but otherwise go for it.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >another woman prostitutes herself out to a complete degenerate and still blames herself
        The sexual revolution has been an unmitigated disaster.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He sounds awful tbh, he's probably a jerk so you dont wanna touch him, probably nothing to do with physical attraction just repulsive, demanding behavious

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This sounds like a discussion you should be having with him, not us. If you've been together for that long and can't have a frank talk about relationship problems then you've got other issues.

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Instead of posting on NSFFW like a moron go talk to him and explain how you are feelings so that maybe you guys can figure out a way to fix this. Nothing happens overnight this is why things need to be addressed while they are fresh instead of ignoring them. Ignoring things leads you to where you are. You people would rather let something fall apart instead of communicating with the other person.

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's possible to mistake feelings dampening for feelings going away. There are a lot of things that can dampen feelings. The very fact that you feel emotionally obligated to feel a certain way about him is stressful enough to dampen any feeling.

  13. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    > thinking about him touching me causes extreme anxiety.
    Move on

  14. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Nope you don't have to settle until around 28. That doesn't mean date around and be a prostitute, but rather date for the purpose of finding the one.

  15. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I hate and want to kill you.

  16. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Leave him please. Let him find someone who appreciates him for what he is physically.

  17. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >I am not physically attracted to him to the point that thinking about him touching me causes extreme anxiety.
    >Should I settle for my current bf
    Is there literally any reason for the answer to not be no?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I feel a connection to him to some degree and could live comfortably financially

  18. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >We have dated for 4 years but I am not physically attracted to him to the point that thinking about him touching me causes extreme anxiety.
    That's actually called loathing someone and if you're stringing along someone you loathe you are probably an irredeemably evil piece of shit. Just saying.
    Of course there's a 95% chance that this is a fake troll post anyway.

  19. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    blows my mind how people think

    >i'm physically repulsed by my partner. should i marry them?

    no you fricking idiot

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      My brother is a psychology major and has explained to me how attraction changes over time but that doesnt mean you dont love them. I dont know if that is what is happening here

  20. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    God exists and is willing. Therefore go for want you truly want and NOT what you need because you need to know that provision comes from the Lord.
    >O ye of little faith
    You must become the raven master, so broke but so alive.

  21. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah birth control changes thekind of males you're attracted to, apparently it has something to do with immunity system. It sucks that females have built in disgust conditions while male have no such thing.

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