So Im middle aged and have been dating a widow.

So I’m middle aged and have been dating a widow. She was married at a very young age (18) and has a daughter that is legally an adult. Her husband died about 5 years ago and she’s been a single mom ever since. She said she had a conversation with her daughter that once she turned 18 that mom was going to start dating again and she said her daughter was supportive. Well, we’ve been seeing each other for 6 months now and we’ve been spending more and more time together, including me staying at her place for a week or so at a time. Her daughter is starting to complain to her mom that it’s uncomfortable having me around so much (she heard us having sex one night) and she’s often going to stay with her aunt whenever I’m around. I try to be as kind as I can and I don’t want to neglect the woman I’m seeing but I don’t want to make her feel out of place in her own home. I do have my lady stay over at my place too but her daughter hates that as well because then she’s all alone for days on end. Idk anons, what do?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Daughter is being jealous and b***hy. End of story. Can't do anything that won't jeopardize either your woman's happiness, or hers.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Do nothing. Her daughter is an adult. If she doesn't like it she can find a place of her own.

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why is her adult daughter living with her mother instead of moving out into her own place like an actual adult?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Saving money while she’s going to college and working part time. The crazy thing is, is it’s not like she spends time with her mom when I’m not around. She apparently just hangs out in her room with door closed whenever she’s home and barely says two words to her mom.

      I’ve tried being hospitable by doing things like making dinner for all of us and taking interest in the things she’s doing but I get iced out.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >but I get iced out
        You aren't her dad, you're just some guy that's railing her mom. Just be polite to her when needed, otherwise ignore her. She's her mom's problem not yours. Eventually, after several years, if you're decent to her mom, she may come to grudgingly accept you.
        My cousin's husband died in an accident and left her with two boys; she started dating again after they hit 18, at this point she's been with the guy over 20 years - longer than she was married to their dad - and reluctant acceptance is the best he's earned from them. They put up with this stranger at Thanksgiving and Christmas, they're used to him answering the phone when they call home, but they don't *like* him, he's not family and never will be and they don't owe him anything. That's just the way it is.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Doesn't really sound like you're doing anything wrong. Just continue not being an ass and hope daughter eases up eventually

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Her daughter is starting to complain to her mom that it’s uncomfortable having me around so much (she heard us having sex one night)
    She has every right to do so, it's her house and also can be her rules, if she doesn't want you on her house you have no right to complain. I'ts more aboutt he mother not being supportive or what her daughter wants
    She's not saying that she doesn't want her mother to frick someone, she just wants to stay comfortable at her own home

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >she just wants to stay comfortable at her own home
      She's an adult, it isn't *her* home anymore, it's her mother's home and she's graciously being allowed to use it for the nonce.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >She's an adult
        The frick you mean moron, are you also 18? She's a kid, a very young one also.

        I’m not complaining. I’ve talked to my lady about this multiple times because I want to be considerate of her daughters feelings but she insists that it’s her house and not her daughters and if her daughter doesn’t like it she can do like this anon said [...] and move out. She’s of the opinion that she did her job as a mom and stayed lonely for years to get her daughter to adulthood and now it’s her time to find some happiness. I can’t really argue with that.

        >but she insists that it’s her house and not her daughters
        Sounds like the common case of being a bad mother, it's not up to you tho, let her be, but respecting the human being who's complaining with the right to do is a decision that you will make.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I thought about asking her daughter about it directly. She’s never said anything to me but if she could express to me that she’s genuinely uncomfortable with me around so much, I’d respect her wishes and not be around so much. I want to make sure it’s not generic teenage angst/whining before I do something like that but I don’t know.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well, i stand my position that it's very logical that she's kinda mad or annoyed about it, since i have been in a situation like that in the past. But the possibility of it being a teenage tantrum is there, and talking with her will not get you to the bottom of it, since the reason behind that tantrum would be the bond that she has with her mother, unless she really opens up with you about it, saying shit like "i feel that you're taking my mother away from me", wich takes courage to say it
            I'll say that try picking out the clues about it, and if you sense that she's emotionally dependant of her mother, try asking the mother about it, in not a direct way.

            So you have two ways on this situation, either she actually likes her privacy and is not comfortable around you, or she's making a tantrum about her mother

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Also
            Not because it's a tantrum you shouldn't respect it tho, it just makes you deal with the problem in a different way. And the motive of the tantrum can be many other things

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I’m pretty sure she is emotionally dependent because like I stated, I’d have her mom stay at my place for a week or so and her daughter would lose her mind and text spam about when she’d be home or where the laundry detergent was or how she’s having a hard day. And then her mom would feel bad about not being around to help her daughter out and I’d end up staying at her place again. I don’t really know what to do here and I’m genuinely trying to do the right thing.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            For the time being just don't go over her place for too much time, if the mother decides to go to yours it's her decision.
            If you think that she's dependant, there's nothing that you can do, it's something that only the mother or a professional can handle, and the mother doesn't seem like a good one, so for her to realize that she have a problem and that she has to go to therapy is something so unlikely that if it's just her on it's own, will never happen, it's always someone else saying it to her, most of the time is the mother itself, in a good or a bad way.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            She is a good mom. Very doting. I think that might be the problem, her daughter has had her around to cater to her every need and now that’s not the case anymore. She’s 19 going on 9 it seems sometimes.

            We also have already talked about getting married so I don’t know how that changes the situation, if at all.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >She is a good mom. Very doting
            I mean, saying that you want your kid out of the house is not a good mother behaviour at least at that age. And i've seen many fathers and mothers being like shit with their kids while giving them everything, because on their head, that's what a good parent is.

            >We also have already talked about getting married so I don’t know how that changes the situation, if at all.
            Yes, it changes, it will get you involved directly, trying to bond with the kid will be a must if you want the relationship to last.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            She doesn’t want her out, in her words “I’m tired of being alone in my own house” because when she is there without me, her daughter ignores her. It’s only when she’s staying with me that moms attention is required.

            >bond with the kid

            That’s what I’ve been trying to do. Because the day I put a ring on her mothers finger it’s not like her feelings for me are just going to 180 and she’s going to accept me. I also don’t want to go directly from never really being around to being a permanent 24/7 fixture of the house. That seems even more jarring.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            If you really think that she's a good mother, then talk with her about it, about she telling the kid to go to therapy or/and to sit and talk about it, the number of times that are necessary, besides that, you can't do anything else. At least for now
            And at least you're in the right track with the marriage thing

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >daughter that is legally an adult
          What did OP mean by this, moron kun?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I’m not complaining. I’ve talked to my lady about this multiple times because I want to be considerate of her daughters feelings but she insists that it’s her house and not her daughters and if her daughter doesn’t like it she can do like this anon said

      Do nothing. Her daughter is an adult. If she doesn't like it she can find a place of her own.

      and move out. She’s of the opinion that she did her job as a mom and stayed lonely for years to get her daughter to adulthood and now it’s her time to find some happiness. I can’t really argue with that.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's gross that she'd try to replace her husband, and her daughter's reaction is completely understandable. Doubly so when you don't have any discretion whatsoever.

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You will have my time

    So, you are sleeping with a woman. Her daughter lost her dad as a teenager, ahe lost her rock, her main man in life, and os growing up in a broken family. Also she has abandonment issues, since she wants to be around relatives all the time

    So, your problem is a girl (women never mature) with daddy issues

    The problem is not you being around. The problem is you not playing a role of a strong dad. She sees you as a weak guy, she sees her mother as a blind and stupid woman. She doesnt like you, she doesnt trust you, she hopes you will just frick off eventually

    If you want this to work out, you have to improve your character and be the dad instead of an old frickboy. Treat her like your daughter, establish the connection, be her emotional rock, teach her, lay law on her, punish her, control her

    Tho, in the long run its a stupid idea, because obviously you are a nice guy, and being a dad is not your thing. Daughter will test you endlessly and eventually you will fail. And you will get emotionally attached to her, so this will hurt you

    Either man up or leave

    And educate yourself on daddy issues, most women who have them never fix them

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