Therapy is for women

therapy services in their current state are not able to adequately help men most of the time. There is quite literally a gendered language barrier, you can read all the articles to try to prepare all you want but it's only gonna do you so much good. most therapists are women, who has spent the vast majority of her school surrounded by women, most of her training hours were spent largely observing the ways women speak to other women in these contexts. most of her clients, coworkers, classmates etc are all women. This is not a bad thing at face value but it lends this already tough thing to be even more confusing. It's easy for them to do their job when most of those who they treat are women. They aren't the best at navigating gendered problems. They are very good at "being there for you" but I, and most men, tend to be solution based. Top it all off with the fact that men are shamed out of expression so we aren't that equipped. Seriously, i'm glad I went and I would still suggest men at least consider giving it a shot but half the time i just felt like the therapists just sit there, smile and nod. Really frustrating when people sling around "just go to therapy lmao, men will do anything but go to therapy" not to mention it's expensive as frick often with no results for a long period of time. You could seriously spend months making no progress because she "just wants to build this relationship in this space and really hear and understand you". Yeah, that's great, but can you actually help me? It feels like therapy is just where lonely older women go to talk about their week.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Kinda true

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    What would you like the therapist to do for you? They're only human, and haven't thought about your problems nearly as much as you have.

    • 1 month ago
      Seanonymous

      i say these

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Shitty therapists exist. As a psych guy I can guarantee even with this being partially true it's because you're looking at this the wrong way.

    No one can tell you what to do to solve your issues directly because you know yourself best. A therapist knows more about the way you "work" in technical terms, and their role is to help you understand and internalize that to give you the change to develop your own solutions.

    The amount of women is real though.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    So get a male therapist? Most guys are really fricked up in the head so they often have to start farther behind than women who may or may not have been blessed with empathy and self awareness from a young age to give them some introspective looks on their flaws. Modern males are full of toxic brainwashing to the point where they post "therapy is for women" online

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      cool, guess i'll just kill myself then.

      • 1 month ago
        Seanonymous

        minimalism and invest and exercise and rizz/looksmaxx and community and partner and meditation/mindfulness and gratitude and humility and acceptance and loving and loyal and pray. don't treat your gf as therapist or mom if you get one. if you don't have parents Nobody cares what happens to you unless you have kids who will probably be sad if you die. fr no cap.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Just get a therapist who is the same gender as you.

      Otherwise you run the risk of transference/cotransference from the therapist, and things can get dicey.

      For example, my therapist now dresses extremely well, puts a ton of effort into her appearance and flirts with me every chance she has. I'm in too deep, don't be like me OP.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I think most incels here need coaches rather than therapists. They internalize all failures, even the basic ones. They don't need a shoulder to cry on they need to get out there and try again with someone who has their back. And no I am not talking about pickup artist shit.

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    If you're right, why are you so unhappy?

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    on top of this, all great psychology has already been written, by men, and anyone can solve their own problems if they pick up a book

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I do not find this type of therapy to be particularly helpful either. Perhaps it's just not the right solution for everyone.
    t. Female

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Male psychologist here, and I agree with you. While that style works for most women (not all), for men it fails 9/10 times.
    To be honest, it doesn't really "work" for women either.
    My approach is usually getting their story, establishing their patterns and then getting to work on breaking the cycle with behavioral activation (taking steps in their day to day life to change and improve).
    Men particularly like this approach - less talking and more doing, even though the cathartic aspect of sharing heavy shit does help but mostly it helps them unburden themselves in order to take action afterward.
    I've found that most women like it as well, once they feel safe and understood enough.
    The clients who want to remain in perpetual "coddling" (I call that when the client just wants to talk and talk and not take any action or make any change) never evolve and I usually refer them to someone else (usually a psychoanalyst who loves nothing more than keep them for 5-10 years in therapy)

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      im female and it didn't work for me either. i think therapy is for people who need to vent or like to hear themselves talk. yammering on about my issues has never helped me with fricking anything. It's humiliating sitting across from someone whose just silently staring at me as i reveal my deepest and darkest secrets like it's nothing... it feels wrong ugh. The only thing that has helped me treat my mental health problems has been action; achieving goals, exercise, mindfulness, helping others, and other stuff that you can easily read books about or Google.

      this.
      >perpetual "coddling"
      yeah frick that. I've met a few people who have been in therapy for years and have a victim complex. All of them are women. I just don't get why you would give into the stereotype of being a victim all the time, but hey its not my life lol

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >yeah frick that.
        Love that spirit from any client I meet. I can usually tell in the first session if they'll change or not (they usually ask ok what's wrong with me and how can I fix it instead of going into a 30 min long diatribe about their lives and how it's not their fault).
        I tell ALL my clients, in the first session, looking them in the eye that sure, we'll talk trauma, sure we'll uncover patterns, I'll give them a safe, non judgemental space to vent and be understood, but it's just one step and not even the most transformative. Just trauma dumping doesn't work.
        That's where they either stick with me, or get panicked and leave, which is fine, since they're not ready for change.
        But I've always hated therapists who clearly see the client isn't improving but keep them on and on and on. That's why I make it a point to ask the client after every session for feedback and once a month or once every two months doing a bigger one: so how has this helped you so far if it has.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >yeah frick that.
      Love that spirit from any client I meet. I can usually tell in the first session if they'll change or not (they usually ask ok what's wrong with me and how can I fix it instead of going into a 30 min long diatribe about their lives and how it's not their fault).
      I tell ALL my clients, in the first session, looking them in the eye that sure, we'll talk trauma, sure we'll uncover patterns, I'll give them a safe, non judgemental space to vent and be understood, but it's just one step and not even the most transformative. Just trauma dumping doesn't work.
      That's where they either stick with me, or get panicked and leave, which is fine, since they're not ready for change.
      But I've always hated therapists who clearly see the client isn't improving but keep them on and on and on. That's why I make it a point to ask the client after every session for feedback and once a month or once every two months doing a bigger one: so how has this helped you so far if it has.

      the question here is why put in effort if i feel like i'm going nowhere
      i'm studying a degree i don't give a shit about, i don't know how to talk to people, i'm too stuck up

      i have
      NO FRIENDS
      NO COLLEAGUES
      NO PARTNER
      nothing in my life
      and i will spend hours and days sleeping away shit instead of studying and then i frick up my classes or barely pass them
      i have no motivation for it bcs my mind is a moron little thing that wants a reward for it
      and i don't get my reward

      other people go out, they drink, socialize, connect, form communities, frick, etc. whereas i don't
      i'm a bitter incel even though i don't technically hate people for not giving me social/sexual reciprocation; i am not owed it but at the same time, i feel envy and jealousy towards people to whom this sort of social interaction comes naturally, whereas i just struggle.
      i would be one of your clients that tries to improve, does work for a little, then gives up when i realize how fruitless it is. it is literally that for me, i try, i fail, i give up. and i've been in this cycle for years. therapy costs too much and my session are not often enough which is terrible.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You seem like a good dude anon

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Therapy is wank.

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >male "psychologist"
    >doesnt believe therapy works
    >dumps clients that haven't made enough changes
    riiight.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I'm guessing you were replying to me

      Male psychologist here, and I agree with you. While that style works for most women (not all), for men it fails 9/10 times.
      To be honest, it doesn't really "work" for women either.
      My approach is usually getting their story, establishing their patterns and then getting to work on breaking the cycle with behavioral activation (taking steps in their day to day life to change and improve).
      Men particularly like this approach - less talking and more doing, even though the cathartic aspect of sharing heavy shit does help but mostly it helps them unburden themselves in order to take action afterward.
      I've found that most women like it as well, once they feel safe and understood enough.
      The clients who want to remain in perpetual "coddling" (I call that when the client just wants to talk and talk and not take any action or make any change) never evolve and I usually refer them to someone else (usually a psychoanalyst who loves nothing more than keep them for 5-10 years in therapy)

      Never said I don't believe therapy works. I specified that simple trauma-dumping type of therapy usually has poor results.
      >dumps clients that haven't made enough changes
      I specified that I go at their own pace, no matter how small the change, but there must be a degree of effort and change, regardless if it's minimal.
      But if their resistance is too high, I'm just wasting their time and money. I can't make anyone WANT to change. Even those that do want to change have a hard enough time with it, but if they don't want that, nothing I do will convince them.
      And without making changes, they will not improve, which is the goal of therapy.

      [...]
      the question here is why put in effort if i feel like i'm going nowhere
      i'm studying a degree i don't give a shit about, i don't know how to talk to people, i'm too stuck up

      i have
      NO FRIENDS
      NO COLLEAGUES
      NO PARTNER
      nothing in my life
      and i will spend hours and days sleeping away shit instead of studying and then i frick up my classes or barely pass them
      i have no motivation for it bcs my mind is a moron little thing that wants a reward for it
      and i don't get my reward

      other people go out, they drink, socialize, connect, form communities, frick, etc. whereas i don't
      i'm a bitter incel even though i don't technically hate people for not giving me social/sexual reciprocation; i am not owed it but at the same time, i feel envy and jealousy towards people to whom this sort of social interaction comes naturally, whereas i just struggle.
      i would be one of your clients that tries to improve, does work for a little, then gives up when i realize how fruitless it is. it is literally that for me, i try, i fail, i give up. and i've been in this cycle for years. therapy costs too much and my session are not often enough which is terrible.

      I'd ask you what I ask all clients in the first session "what do you want to get out of therapy?" and work to establish an objective together - a reasoning for it and a plan for it. If you don't see a reason to do it , you simply won't.
      I usually work on finding out a "why" before moving on to "how" to get there.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >I'd ask you what I ask all clients in the first session "what do you want to get out of therapy?" and work to establish an objective together - a reasoning for it and a plan for it. If you don't see a reason to do it , you simply won't.
        >I usually work on finding out a "why" before moving on to "how" to get there.
        i want to solve my problems so i can become happy instead of miserable
        that's all i want in my life
        my problems are that i'm a stupid, asocial college freshman who doesn't know how to talk to people, doesn't know anyone, nobody ever invites me anywhere, i am incredibly anxious and idk how to talk to people
        i also don't study because i'm depressed and i just lay in my bed and i think studying is boring and shit
        i sometimes play vidya but that's becoming boring too
        i NEED purpose in my life
        additionally, i wanna love someone and have sex, it's a big curiosity of mine but i am not owed this so i've just sorta given up and i might be a virgin 4 life

        i'm just venting here, aren't i
        it's terrible
        i need to go study or something instead, i have a midterm next wednesday yet i sit here yapping and crying on NSFFW instead

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >i NEED purpose in my life
          That's what I'd really focus on finding out with you. What your purpose would be.
          So far you described what you don't want, I'd focus more on what you DO want and why. (not gonna do it here but you get the gist of it).
          >i'm just venting here, aren't i
          That's what this board is for mostly. Hope it helps.
          >i need to go study or something instead, i have a midterm next wednesday yet i sit here yapping and crying on NSFFW instead
          I think it's normal for you to avoid studying considering what your state of mind is. Wish I could do more to help you besides advising you to find a male therapist that's CBT (usually more action oriented, and more present-focused than trauma focused) oriented.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >totally forgets about the vast majority of therapy patients who are chronically ill and trying to cope
        >forgets about teh social morons that could get massive help from talking to a friendly face
        >says the obvious which is that if you dont listen to your therapist or literally make any changes then you wont see uhh changes
        yeah no shit just talking to someone and making 0 changes doesnt do anything. everyone knows that. you're larping though. you are not a psychologist

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >totally forgets about the vast majority of therapy patients who are chronically ill and trying to cope
          Doesn't really negate anything I've said though. Giving them coping strategies that are healthier IS change. There is no "cure" in therapy, the point is improvement.
          >forgets about teh social morons that could get massive help from talking to a friendly face
          They get even more help by getting taught how to do that with other people, rather than use the therapist as a paid "friend" which isn't the role of the therapist in the first place. If a therapist engages in that type of relationship he actually becomes an enabler instead of a helper.
          >says the obvious
          And yet many of my colleagues put very little onus on helping clients change and 90% of their effort is spent on empathizing, validating and so on, which is good but as

          I was in and out of therapy for over 20 years, with about 4 therapists. Started around age 10, stopped for good around 32. I can tell you all about my history, trauma, parents and their trauma, the way it affected my development and affects me now all day long. Hasn't changed much, if anything.

          I'm 35 now and resigned to my fate.

          and many others will tell you doesn't really help in the long run.
          >you're larping though. you are not a psychologist
          Fair enough, I can't argue against that without doxxing myself.. I shouldn't have qualified myself as such since it's the internet and anyone can larp as anything.

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Is true but go get a male therapist and express the fact that you are looking for change and not coping. Given that change is even possible. My therapist is even helping me with emails and resumes to get a job.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I was in and out of therapy for over 20 years, with about 4 therapists. Started around age 10, stopped for good around 32. I can tell you all about my history, trauma, parents and their trauma, the way it affected my development and affects me now all day long. Hasn't changed much, if anything.

    I'm 35 now and resigned to my fate.

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I don't know if it's a gender issue. I'm a woman and i also couldn't work with most of my female therapists. It's just that
    >90% of therapists suck
    >90% of therapists are female
    These two groups happen to overlap a lot because math. I had the luck of running into 1 good female therapist and 1 good male psychiatrist but i had to swap several shitty ones most of whom were female. People often suggest to look for therapists that are the same sex as you and in the similar age group as you so that you are more likely to be on the same wavelength but that didn't really mean that much to me. When it actually comes down to it it's mainly luck.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >I don't know if it's a gender issue. I'm a woman
      kek.
      Somehow I imagine if effectively the entire practice and research of another branch of medicine where there's considerable sexual dimorphism was focused on men you'd consider that a gender issue.

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