Waiting till marriage

Has anyone here ever had experience with a girl who's wanted to "wait till marriage" for sex? Honestly until now I didn't really believe that they still existed, but my current girlfriend dropped that bomb on me recently.

If it were anyone else I would assume that there was some kind of deception involved, like maybe she doesn't really like me, maybe she's cheating on someone with me and is reconsidering cause of guilt, blah blah blah. But we've been dating for a decent amount of time now and she has expressed how much likes me, and she seems committed to me in every way apart from having sex. Long story short, she had a pretty sheltered, religious upbringing and is still a virgin, so I could see where this is coming from.

On one hand, I respect her life choice, and I'm actually still a virgin too, so I can't pretend like getting laid constantly is central to my lifestyle. But on the other hand, waiting till marriage just seems crazy to me. Like I could see waiting for a year maybe, but till marriage? I care about her very intensely, and part of me feels like eventually she might change her mind about waiting that long, but part of me also feels like we may be doomed to failure, because I really don't think I could abstain for all that time and burn a whole part of my life on a gamble.

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Wew. You've hit the jackpot. Don't frick this up because you wanted to get your wiener wet. Sex is not nearly as important as everyone wants you to think it is. No joke, encourage her with this. Don't act like it's stupid
    Then marry her and have kids

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      A few things.
      1) I agree with you actually, literally, do not need sex. With non-virgins you do, it's like the sooner you do the quicker they are to getting attached. But if she is a virgin you don't need to do this.
      2) This, by the way, doesn't mean the marriage will last. FYI. Divorce isn't caused by bawds as much as hypergamy (natural) mixed with societal and legal preference for the woman (unnatural). I pray it's a good fit and that you don't slip up on any shittests or become a simp.
      3) You fear what, exactly? Nobody else needs to know. I was a degenerate when I was single and yet even I never told my bros my sex life (I always found it gay and tryhard, like OH WOW you got PUSSY, who cares?). The incompatibility thing isn't even an issue because as virgins your sexuality aren't even fully established. Porn can ruin that, but not in an irreversible way since it's nothing like the real thing.

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    One of my female cousins did that. AFAIK she really was a virgin, and they really did wait till marriage. 18 yrs later they're still married so I guess it worked out for them. My sister in law also did that, even though she was divorced at the time and no longer a virgin. No idea why my brother put up with that shit from her. OTOH 30 years later and they're still happily married, so maybe it works even for non-virgins. Me and my wife fricked like bunnies for years before getting married, and 27 years later we're still happily married some maybe it doesn't matter after all.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It's good to hear that this apparently does work sometimes irl, but like you were implying, I'm sure it's different for every couple.

      I wouldn't do it personally. Imagine waiting till marriage and then finding out you're sexually incompatible.

      This is my main concern. We're both so inexperienced, we have no idea what's gonna make us happy sexually, and trying to figure that out when you're already married just seems like it could potentially be a recipe for disaster. I also don't want to pressure her into giving up on that committment. And what makes all of this so difficult is that she's such a great girl and we feel a real connection and it is not out of the realm of possibility that we could get married. Splitting up with her just so I could have sex would leave me hurt for a long time.

      sex is a massive part of a healthy relationship. you're essentially delaying testing said part of the relationship because...uhhh because god said so or some sheeeit. i've seen countless
      >i'm a virgin and married a virgin and we had sex and it wasn't good and now i don't know what to do because i've never had sex or a relationship before pls help me it's really bad
      threads on here. don't end up being another one

      Yeah see I get what you're saying. It just really sucks being in this situation. I've felt terrible for the past few days.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      there is an entire plebbit (with 500k users) that functions as a support group to people who found out too late that their partner takes sex only as a chore. So yeah, your marriage may last and it may be miserable the entire time during that.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Redditors are usually porn-addicted bugmen simps who bore the frick out of their wives. It's pretty easy to tell if a woman is practically asexual by how they react to cuddling, kissing, etc. There's also the trope of these sexless wives banging other guys or being really into sex before landing their chump husbands for a reason.

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn't do it personally. Imagine waiting till marriage and then finding out you're sexually incompatible.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Imagine waiting till marriage and then finding out you're sexually incompatible.
      Here lies the problem. Finding a pure virgin who is willing to save herself until marriage may sound nice (in theory) to some people, but if it turns out you're not sexually compatible, you've just wasted years of your life on a relationship that's destined to fail.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It's good to hear that this apparently does work sometimes irl, but like you were implying, I'm sure it's different for every couple.

        [...]
        This is my main concern. We're both so inexperienced, we have no idea what's gonna make us happy sexually, and trying to figure that out when you're already married just seems like it could potentially be a recipe for disaster. I also don't want to pressure her into giving up on that committment. And what makes all of this so difficult is that she's such a great girl and we feel a real connection and it is not out of the realm of possibility that we could get married. Splitting up with her just so I could have sex would leave me hurt for a long time.

        [...]
        Yeah see I get what you're saying. It just really sucks being in this situation. I've felt terrible for the past few days.

        Sexual compatibility is really not that big of a deal unless one of you is into some weird shit or out of shape.
        Is your penis longer than 3 inches? Is she so damn fat that her belly overlaps her pussy?
        If the answer is yes and no respectively, then congratulations. You are physically capable of having sex with this person.
        >b-but we found a position that I like and she doesn't like!
        Big fricking whoop. Are you just gonna keep dumping people until you find a partner who likes the exact same things that you do?

        You gotta make some compromises in relationships, sometimes.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >sexual compatibility
      israeli meme

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        virgin

        [...]
        Sexual compatibility is really not that big of a deal unless one of you is into some weird shit or out of shape.
        Is your penis longer than 3 inches? Is she so damn fat that her belly overlaps her pussy?
        If the answer is yes and no respectively, then congratulations. You are physically capable of having sex with this person.
        >b-but we found a position that I like and she doesn't like!
        Big fricking whoop. Are you just gonna keep dumping people until you find a partner who likes the exact same things that you do?

        You gotta make some compromises in relationships, sometimes.

        I'll be interested in your opinion once she's 30.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >I'll be interested in your opinion once she's 30.

          How does having sex before marriage negate this? The bigger issue is women not trying at all after marriage and becoming fugly landwhales. This can happen if you 2 were banging well before marraige.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >no argument
        >resorts to crying about boogeyman
        such is the incel way!

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Pushes boogeyman "sexual compatibility" like a good israelite
          >Gets called out for pushing israeli lies
          >"Muh boogeyman"

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >still no argument
            >still crying about boogeyman
            just take the L and move on bro

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >you're sexually incompatible.
      doesnt exist, just a boogeyman made up to make people ruin their pairbonding ability.
      You will learn together about sex dont need to frick 50 prostitutes or manprostitutes before.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      99% of "sexual incompatibility" is guys being annoyed their girls don't want to bang as much as they do. Which is 99% of relationships in general.
      When you kiddos finally calm the frick down you'll realize there's more to life than getting your nut. I fricked up relationships with good women because "waaah waaah not enough sexo" and probably lost my chance to find someone that's wife material forever since now I'm in my thirties and the dating market is fricking tragic. Don't be me.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Imagine waiting till marriage and then finding out you're sexually incompatible.
      Here lies the problem. Finding a pure virgin who is willing to save herself until marriage may sound nice (in theory) to some people, but if it turns out you're not sexually compatible, you've just wasted years of your life on a relationship that's destined to fail.

      >then finding out you're sexually incompatible.
      This is a gigantic meme. Every single supposed 'incompatibility' is handled just as well, if not even better, by just waiting and honestly communicating.
      Big difference in libidos? The irrepressible horndog is very unlikely to be willing or able to wait until marriage in the first place, and will leave quickly when they don't get a relationship based on sex. Compare this to the cliche of people having sex a ton at the beginning of the relationship, the sex slowing down, and the higher-libido partner (usually the man) getting frustrated and leaving anyway. Which is a total waste of time and just results in women getting used for no reason.
      Disgusting fetish? Not only is this rare, but it's concentrated among the people with very high libidos. And even fetishists themselves emphasize how important it is to communicate BEFORE shitting on an unsuspecting partner.
      Actual deformity? Not only is this exceedingly rare, but it should be mentioned by any halfway honest person, and even with liars, it will be obvious the moment they get undressed, no sex required. Such dishonesty also counts as marital fraud, and is even permitted as grounds for annulment by Catholics, of all people.

      Fun fact: not only do those who wait divorce less and have happier marriages, but they even have better sex. Pic related.

      tl;dr The only people for whom concerns of sexual compatibility even make sense are those who prioritize sex over commitment, and even then, premarital sex gives them few demonstrable benefits.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >sexually incompatible

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Don't worry, if both you and her are undamaged by porn, sexual abuse, and adultery, you will be a perfect match. All "sexual incompatibility" means is "oh no, I'm a sick and disgusting scat fetishist who must eat feces to get off because normal women don't do it for me anymore and my GF won't take the laxatives I give her"
      Alternatively "oh no my GF was mega raped and now hates all forms of physical contact, and the only sex we can have is where she'll let me jerk off in the other room while she asks me how it's going!!"

      In the ideal situation where you've both kept your minds intact, and the people around her have kept her safe, you'll have no issue

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    sex is a massive part of a healthy relationship. you're essentially delaying testing said part of the relationship because...uhhh because god said so or some sheeeit. i've seen countless
    >i'm a virgin and married a virgin and we had sex and it wasn't good and now i don't know what to do because i've never had sex or a relationship before pls help me it's really bad
    threads on here. don't end up being another one

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >you're essentially delaying testing said part of the relationship because...uhhh because god said so or some sheeeit.
      Except there is zero evidence to back up the idea that "testing" sex and treating partners as disposable does anything but undermine relationships.
      The reason for waiting is obvious: it is both practically and morally effective. Practically, because of its positive impact on marital stability and happiness. And morally, because it is by far the most consistent way to keep marriage monogamous, to make sure that you only give yourself to your life partner, and vice versa. Because you only get intimate after making that commitment. If you date and decide you're not compatible with someone, you can continue dating while still saving yourself for the special person you do marry.

      And you have probably seen bait threads. Waiting isn't a panacea, of course (so maybe a few were genuine), but proportionately speaking, it's by far the best and most consistent standard for producing happy and lasting marriages.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yet there is zero evidence for your claims that there is anything positive for not having sex. You are an angry bitter virgin and will die as such, and are trying to drag down others to your level.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Yet there is zero evidence for your claims that there is anything positive for not having sex.
          It's like asking for evidence that water is wet, kek.

          >You are an angry bitter virgin and will die as such, and are trying to drag down others to your level.
          Calling other virgin will not make you any less wrong.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Yet there is zero evidence for your claims that there is anything positive for not having sex
          It is literally two posts above yours.
          Here's some more:

          http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x/abstract
          >Bivariate results suggested that delaying sexual involvement was associated with higher relationship quality across several dimensions. The multivariate results indicated that the speed of entry into sexual relationships was negatively associated with marital quality, but only among women."

          http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x/abstract
          >"I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman's husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."

          http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-25811-011
          >"Both structural equation and group comparison analyses demonstrated that sexual restraint was associated with better relationship outcomes, even when controlling for education, the number of sexual partners, religiosity, and relationship length."

          https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12009
          >"The research objective was to test whether the number of sexual partners was associated with sexual quality, communication, relationship satisfaction, and relationship stability, while controlling for relationship length, education, race, income, age, and religiosity, using the two competing theories of sexual compatibility and sexual restraint. The results, with a sample of 2,654 married individuals, indicated that the number of sexual partners was associated with lower levels of sexual quality, communication, and relationship stability, providing support for the sexual restraint theory."

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            How many years have you been posting this same old tired debunked shit now? 5 years? 7? You must be approaching 30 now and still have the mental level of a 12 year old. You are one sad pitiful being.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            How long have you been seething and calling things you don't like "debunked" without posting a single shred of contradicting evidence?
            If I'm the kettle, you're the pot, and you're far worse than I am because you have yet to do anything but baselessly insult people.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Yet there is zero evidence for your claims that there is anything positive for not having sex
          It is literally two posts above yours.
          Here's some more:

          http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x/abstract
          >Bivariate results suggested that delaying sexual involvement was associated with higher relationship quality across several dimensions. The multivariate results indicated that the speed of entry into sexual relationships was negatively associated with marital quality, but only among women."

          http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x/abstract
          >"I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman's husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."

          http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-25811-011
          >"Both structural equation and group comparison analyses demonstrated that sexual restraint was associated with better relationship outcomes, even when controlling for education, the number of sexual partners, religiosity, and relationship length."

          https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12009
          >"The research objective was to test whether the number of sexual partners was associated with sexual quality, communication, relationship satisfaction, and relationship stability, while controlling for relationship length, education, race, income, age, and religiosity, using the two competing theories of sexual compatibility and sexual restraint. The results, with a sample of 2,654 married individuals, indicated that the number of sexual partners was associated with lower levels of sexual quality, communication, and relationship stability, providing support for the sexual restraint theory."

          I know you're going to b***h about cherry-picking, argue with the sources, or some other kind of attempt at deflection. But the bottom line is that you lot NEVER have a single shred of evidence, because such evidence doesn't exist. Please, go ahead and show me the contrary. I will be surprised and humbled. But I know you won't. You won't because you can't.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            How many years have you been posting this same old tired debunked shit now? 5 years? 7? You must be approaching 30 now and still have the mental level of a 12 year old. You are one sad pitiful being.

            shalom rabbi

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I was waiting till marriage with my ex bf I'm 29 and he in his 30s, we broke up. Now I went to a dating app to see, and most people don't want to do waiting and mostly people who are virgins are religious and I'm not. I don't know what to do...

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How long were you two together?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        4 years

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    no

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Waiting until marriage actually works. There’s nothing crazy about it. It is the only standard that explicitly puts commitment before sex, that emphasizes building a genuine and exclusive connection with someone.
    Even controlling for religion, those who wait both divorce less and have happier marriages. It’s not hard to see why. Not only does it foster intimacy by making marriage truly special (being your spouses one and only), but it focuses the relationship before marriage—and this, your reason to marry—solely on how well you get along and like each other as people.

    >because I really don't think I could abstain for all that time and burn a whole part of my life on a gamble.
    What do you think you’re gambling? Your time? Because NOT waiting increases the risk of things going south, and it destroys your chances of true, lifelong monogamy. Every relationship involves risk; the entire point of dating is in getting to know someone you aren’t immediately certain about. But waiting demonstrably lowers the risk, and it’s consistent—you can date as many people as you need to find the one you want to marry, and by definition you’ll only give yourself to the woman you are certain is the right one.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    No virgin girl managed to keep virginity until marriage, unless she is a religious freak. Just wait, and you will see her lose virginity.

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Brother. Why the FRICK are you complaining about this?
    Marry her. She's literally all yours and yours only. Do you realize how fricking rare that is? We all wish that we were you. Don't frick it up.
    Also, I'm going to be totally honest; it'll happen. Just give it time. Respect her boundaries (don't be a beta, though) and eventually she'll get so horny that SHE will frick YOU.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This is the worst kind of advice that only a teenager with no experience could attempt to give. Marrying her, based on what we know from OP, is guaranteed to end up in a failure and miserable marriage for both.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He isn't even arguing for OP to wait (though he should be arguing that, not telling OP to encourage her slipping up). He's saying, correctly, that her own standards are to be exclusive to her husband. That's moot if OP doesn't want to be her husband, but if he is still in the process of figuring it out, then why the frick is it a downside to have that kind of exclusivity?

        >is guaranteed to end up in a failure and miserable marriage for both.
        Hardly.
        Marrying her BECAUSE she's waiting/is a virgin is stupid, sure. But nobody has suggested that OP marry her just because of that. Only that she's offering something many women can't (exclusivity), and she can do that credibly and consistently because she is waiting until marriage.
        The fact that she's waiting means they can both get to know each other and decide if they even want to be together--that's not a given no matter what, and it's why dating is a thing. If they don't want to commit, she can do the same thing as many times as necessary, while still staying exclusive to her future husband.

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Don't wait untill marriage. Rape her

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just get married quickly then bruh
    you shouldn't need more than 1 year to decide

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I wish my ex bf did that, but I was never good enough for him. I was waiting for 4 years until it fell apart.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Statistically, 2-3 years is best. Marrying earlier than that, especially in under a year, significantly increases divorce risk, while waiting longer gives negligible benefits.
      Marrying just for the sake of having sex with a clean conscience completely misses the point of WAITING until marriage.

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Assuming she's actually a virgin and not just stringing you along.
    MARRY HER YOU DUMBFRICK

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