hey yall, after a good while being alone I finally mustered up enough courage to go out and meet new people and even ask a girl out. it went well, and we've been together for a while now, seeing each other weekly, she tells me out of the blue she misses me etc
ffw to ytd
>we go on our usual date
>gf is happy, smiling, laughing, holding my hand etc
>overall a bit distant but still normal, I chalk it up to work/family which she has issues with
>after dinner I sit down next to her and ask her whats up
>she asks if we can go back to being friends, coz she feels she cannot give me what I deserve and has past trauma which she cannot open up about, not even to her friends
>hits me like truck, at a loss on what to do or say
>I ask if this is what she wants, she says yes
>I ask if she still has feelings for me, she also says yes
>I just sit there in silence, we eventually leave together in silence too, and we split up for the journey home
i just cried for the first time in 10+ years. after being alone for so long, I was starting to hope again and see a future with her, exploring and trying new things, travelling, etc, which we all discussed previously. when I last took her out a week ago everything was fine, we were joking who would miss each other more as she was out of town for the weekend. a couple weeks ago she started opening up to me about some of her emotions and i was so happy
what do, bros? idk what to do anymore. everything is up in smoke now, and idk what I did wrong. i don't want this to end like this
Idk treat it as a learning experience and go meet new people again. Too many people are so caught up in fantasy and delusional mindset that things can never ever ever go wrong ever or they're so unlovable like just be chill and forget about her, friends if you really need to be her emotional tampon
Simialr situation to me, broke up about 2 months ago. Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do. My biggest issue I'm working on is accepting you cannot control outcomes or people. I would just saying something like "I'd like us to be bf & gf but if you need time, fine", then you go no contact. Until she reaches out. Unfortunately my ex has yet to contact me, but she's doing her exams for her last few months at uni. Hope she will reach out after, but not holding my breath.
Sorry though mate, such is life
Ask her mom out to get even for breaking your heart. Even if her mom refuses (she probably will) your ex will get big hurt.
It just means you made her feel like a burden for not being perfect. Congrats.
same basically. i guess we just try to make the best of it. she said on a 1-10 scale she's like a 4-6 on getting back together tho but who knows. plus since being single i'm way more productive, life is more affordable... it's all so streamlined.
>studied hard
>Had a shit office job but make good money
>Have a son with wife at 25
>He is sever autist (you can't detect severe autism during pregnacy)
>He is 9yo
>Can't talk only makes weird noises
>Only play with baby toys
>He have to wear diapers because somedays he refuses to go to the bath
>Some days he becomes agresive and destroys the house
>He only sleeps 3-4h
>No sex with wife (sex drive goes to 0 when you don't sleep a full night for years)
>Only fun thing of my life is playing some vidya in the bus to work
>Regret not being a comfy happy neet.
still I envy you. I'm a 30 y/o neet that had to move back in. my only saving grace is that I'm tall and good-looking, so I'm still dating a young qt but man being broke as shit is no joke
Just put him up for adoption. It should be legal to euthanize an autist like that.
Autism isnt genetic its caused by a lack of socialization during the extremely key life period of age 3-5 so its your fault. That's why parents back in the day would schedule playdates, but now every parent just gives their kid an iPad which is why we're having so many autistic people.
That sounds like a load of bullshit my siblings and I were all very well socialized and at least 3/4 have some degree of autism. Did you forget preschool exists?
It's caused by inflammation during oregancy actually but yes, those baby sensory videos ain't helpin
>together for a while now,
how long?
>she feels she cannot give me what I deserve and has past trauma which she cannot open up about
> feelings for me, she also says yes
all made up and excuses just let you down easier.
>idk what I did wrong
doubt she would be honest about it. Often it's not what you did but the gut feeling she has. And she couldn't even explain it in words.
I hate to say this, but you have to let her go. I'm serious. I had the same thing happen and I obsessed over her and now I still miss her 1.5 years later, despite the fact I have a new girlfriend. Don't look at pics of her, and don't dwell thinking about her. She probably wasn't that great and you are remembering the good stuff only. Just move on please
>Just move on please
People say this and then never explain how. You may as well say "hey man you should eat the sun"
I did explain it
>Don't look at pics of her, and don't dwell thinking about her.
Also date around and find someone better than her
Anon from the 3 posts before you, I agree meet other people. But it can be a slippery slope when you still have feelings.
I actually recommand meeting other people but be careful with holding back your feelings because the new girl will know something is up
I had breakup in the past and I jumped into something a week after and the girl knew I was with my mind with someone else.
Now during my breakup from a month ago I am back on dating apps but im actually shooting straight. I tell girls "I was in a relationship and im actually trying out something new haha blabla"you know keep it casual but communicate to them that you arent ready to jump into something. It can help you feel loved and wanted and it gives something to talk about which is good for you. And the girls will be surprised you are different and dont immidiately want to have sex with them. Of course when those girls are looking for a serious relationship they do not want to talk to you, but thats okay, shouldnt rush things anyway.
So get out there, but dont ignore your feelings. Cry and let it out if you have to. Healing is non linear. You will feel better one day, feel worse the next. But slowly you are getting there.
Good luck
>But slowly you are getting there.
There is no "there". There are people in their 70's with a wife and children and grandchildren and they still think back on their first love with great sadness. Frankly, I would rather be dead.
>don't dwell thinking about her.
How though? I have never understood how people can "choose" their thoughts.
By distracting yourself and finding purpose in other things (working, exercising, hobby, meeting new girls, meeting friends) I am not saying the thought of her will never come up, but don't spend hours in bed dwelling on it. let the thought come and go in a minute or two
>By distracting yourself and finding purpose in other things (working, exercising, hobby, meeting new girls, meeting friends)
But what if I can do all of these things and simultaneously think about her? It's not like I am capped holding one thought in my head at a time
if you're truly focusing on those things, you won't be thinking about anything else. she might be in your mind, but it's better than dwelling and overthinking about her non-stop. when you're playing tennis, you're thinking about the game. when you're working, you're thinking about what you're doing etc.
So basically I have to become a workaholic?
you don't have any hobbies or interests outside of work?
My hobbies/interests are my work
So become a workaholic and maybe develop some other interests too, also work on yourself like exercise and meet friends + frick other girls too (just don't fall for them on a rebound kind of thing)
>So become a workaholic
okay I will.
>and maybe develop some other interests too
I already have literature, analog photography, zoology, videography, comics, fashion design, graphic design, interior design, songwriting and typography. What should I add to this?
>also work on yourself like exercise
I should exercise more but it feels quite pointless. What is the point of exercise?
>and meet friends
I do have a really great group of friends that I have been neglecting because I don't have the social battery that I used to. Now interractions feel like social battery, yk?
>frick other girls too (just don't fall for them on a rebound kind of thing)
I feel like I have been doing this too much. I was having sex with a new girl every day but have cut back to around twice a week. I don't know why. I don't know what counts as "progress" anymore.
>I already have literature, analog photography, zoology, videography, comics, fashion design, graphic design, interior design, songwriting and typography. What should I add to this?
you said your hobbies are your job before. what job involves all of those kek. I think that is enough interests for now
>I feel like I have been doing this too much. I was having sex with a new girl every day but have cut back to around twice a week. I don't know why. I don't know what counts as "progress" anymore.
then skip this one if you already do it a lot. it's not about progress, but most people enjoy dating/sex
>What is the point of exercise?
also, there can be many points. you might feel better because you're in good health. you will look better if you get some muscle (not gross bodybuilder shit, but women prefer a toned guy over a skinny or fat guy)
that is it really. also some people find it relaxing/therapeutic
>you might feel better because you're in good health
Maybe, I will try. Thank you.
>you will look better if you get some muscle (not gross bodybuilder shit, but women prefer a toned guy over a skinny or fat guy)
I think is why it feels so pointless, women already like me so why cultivate this further?
>but most people enjoy dating/sex
Could you explain why or how?
>what job involves all of those kek
Multimedia artist
>I think is why it feels so pointless, women already like me so why cultivate this further?
don't do it then
>Could you explain why or how?
explain why people like to date and have sex? idk humans are hard wired to get horny and people just find it fun to go out with a hot girl and frick
>don't do it then
No, I'm going to because I want to feel better and shooting down everything you say isn't going to accomplish that
>dk humans are hard wired to get horny and people just find it fun to go out with a hot girl and frick
Is it possible that I have broken this if I used to enjoy it but now I treat it like an urge similar to hunger?
So she already broke up once before or what does she mean going back to friends? You were friends before you started dating?
I'm sorry you are going through this, I am experiencing a heavy breakup as well when my gf dumped me last month and I have been crying for the first time in years too so I know exactly how you feel.
There is some stuff I learned from youtube. Coach Lee and Coach Ken is their youtube channel. Be careful they try to sell you shit which you dont need, the free info should be enough. And be careful that it is not false hope, because there is always a chance you two wont work out. But it can give you understanding in the psychology she goes through. Learn things about No Contact and so on.
To add to this it teaches you how to react
Say something along the lines of
>I'm sorry you feel this way, I would try my best for us to work because you are important to me and I think you are making a mistake, but I will respect your decision if this is what you want
And then you cut all contact with her. Dont block or whatever but just delete them, make sure you go cold turkey. Do not stalk their social media, look at their pics, spotify whatever. Then maybe it can happen in weeks or months that she may reach out to you (either because she misses you, she is lonely, her rebound didnt work out or she wants to try again) but it is very important you learn this stuff from youtube I just told you IF the moment ever comes. But there is no guarantee. Sometimes people break up and its forever. However you need to understand that this No Contact is not a game you play hoping she will miss you, it is actually to make you improve yourself and realize that you didnt lose her, but that she lost you. Become a better and stronger man
Godspeed anon, there is alot of this stuff on youtube.
Be careful do not buy shit from them, all info you need is free available.
Dont keep false hope. It is good to keep some hope for a while, but realize that you lost her, and you need to focus on yourself. If she comes back to join the ride thats nice, but it should be about you. You need to become stronger and better.
And dont hold back your tears. Cry, scream, let it out. Its okay to feel shit for a few days. But then you hit the gym, go on runs, get a haircut, new clothes, teeth cleaned, get a new hobby, treat yourself but do positive things. Dont buy fricking alcohol or gaming shit but only shit that makes you a better man.
>coach Ken and coach lee
My entire YouTube is full of break up vids. They're good. I was dumped about 6 weeks ago, my post is above somewhere. I get the feeling my ex isn't ever gojng to reach out even though it was some 'right person, wrong time bullshit'. I've been on a few dates but it genuinely doesn't feel good and sex with new people isn't amazing.
Im in the same boat mate. They helped me alot with understanding things. But it is also false hope to sell their channel and shit. Selling you the dream... We are easy targets for them.
Sure it can happen, but how much chance? 30% chance? 50/50? No idea. It depends on so many factors, on them, on you, on why you broke up, your age, how long you have been together, what the relationship was like and so on.
I miss my ex so much. She dumped me 5 weeks ago and I was so depressed I couldnt even go into work. Im finally starting it again slowly, but it completely fricked up my life.
I hope we will find peace and happiness at some point. Stay strong out there brother anon.
I'm weaning off the videos, but they soothe me when I'm feeling bad.
It's tough, and I wish she'd reach out. We broke up because she has a lot of her plate, mental issues and general feelings of insecurity. She's in her final months of university (her third attempt at uni) and simply couldn't cope. Break up was amicable and she said 'we'd talk soon'. This was 6 weeks ago or so.
I see her making playlists on Spotify of all the music I showed her, bands I love etc. I blocked her and unlocked her so we wouldn't follow each other, but she followed me back and sometimes I can't help but look at her profile. I'm hoping she'll message me but eh what's the use in hoping, right?
Why didn't your relationship work out?
I mean no contact is no contact, if you still do following on spotify etc then its a bad idea
my relationship broke due to our age gap and me being a bit passive and her lack on communication
i agree, but after a while it will hurt less
>i agree, but after a while it will hurt less
No, it will hurt the exact same amount you will just be further away.
dont try to delete, overwrite
If you can't delete the heartbreak then every relationship after that is a cope and a cruel disservice to the person you are with post-breakup. May as well buy a dog.
>my relationship broke due to our age gap and me being a bit passive and her lack on communication
Pretty much the same for me mate, just couldn't understand why she just couldn't commit to the relationship
Lmao pussy
Get over yourself
Personally I'd be relieved in this situation. I don't have to worry about her ass anymore. Also she cheated, OP, in case that wasn't extremely obvious to you. If her past trauma was really causing her these problems, she would have not gotten with you in the first place. And "I cannot give you what you deserve" is doublespeak for "I cheated on you, and I don't want you to find out".
you have a sad life
OP dont listen to these kind of posts
calm yourself take a breath and explain it again
You failed the shit test.
You where supposed to deny her suggestion, and say "I'm keeping you".
She was fishing for commitment from you.
Dont bother going back now, it will activate her ick.
literally the worst place to ask for advice
https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/26895825/#26895889
How long were you two togther?
This is possibly happening to me. Been dating her for 5 months and she's pulled back a lot in the past week and a half I have gotten barely any communication and when asked what's up she said she was feeling anti-social and didn't wanna hang out either.
I've tried to get her to open up to me emotionally and get vague answers at best so I have absolutely no idea where her head is at. Is she losing interest? Depressed? Overwhelmed? I'd love to find out and support her but she won't tell me. We get along super well besides any depth in our emotions. We play vidya, watch tv, go out have fun and have sex. Hell the last time we saw each other we passed the controller to one another playing FO3 making decisions on the character together. It was very sweet.
In my case I'm going to just end contact if she goes the "lets keep being friends." I had intentions of getting serious with her there isn't any way. You should do the same OP and block contact.
First things first is don't force your way back into her life. Plenty of guys try to keep themselves around and try to strongarm their way back in which never ends well. It's tempting but just know you can't force a relationship on someone.
For now just stop initiating contact with her and minimize your interactions/conversations with her. Be aware that she might try to use/manipulate you so don't entertain what she says or asks for.
Since she just broke up with you, there is a possibility she changes her mind so keep your line open to her for a lil bit. Let her know that the only reason she should contact you is if she's serious about getting back together. Although don't stay waiting too long for her. Give her 1-2 weeks to sit on her decision and if she doesn't change her mind, cut contact with her and move on.
Never show weakness to a woman.
this
not always the case, especially during relationships, but yeah when you first start dating dont show weakness
>and has past trauma which she cannot open up about, not even to her friends
she did you a favor OP. women with "past trauma" usually treat their BF like shit and are selfish in the relationship. no matter how much effort you put in and understanding you are for her, you won't get anything out of it except pain and misery.
>what do, bros?
Ghost mode, do not speak to her ever again. That's the only way she's going to learn her lesson. She is fricking someone else, move on. She will have a moment of weakness and when she does you have to reject her. It is your duty as a man to yourself, to her, and to society as a whole.
shes fricking another dude
Ngl shes probably cheating on you. Randomly wanting to break up with some bullshit "its not you its me" excuse is the biggest red flag possible. Not even saying that to be a doomer I just know from experience people dont break up for these kind of reasons. I would swallow your feelings and move on.
On the bright side if you've done it once you have the confidence and skills to do it again. Most people don't find the right person their first time around and that's OK. Plenty of women to meet out there.
Can i get her insta or snap now shes single bro? I deserve a gf
Lol women. What a steaming load of bullshit she served up there.
Yeah all that and she'll be on Chad's wiener 'sharing her trauma' within a week
It's not her, it's you.
I have seen close friends get to the "almost" a relationship part, or already months into it, and they lose the girl, it's always the guy's fault.
Women WANT to stay in a relationship, they want a guy that they can make them feel safe, they want a guy that they can respect, the problem is you are all too eager to keep her, desperate to lose her at all times, trying to make her your world, that shit doesn't work, it will drive them alway, always.
You need to be ready to walk away from the relationship at any point, not by telling her, but by actions, you are either in the boat with me, following my command or I'll kick you out. If you can't walk away, you have no weapons and she controls you, and women can't control the relationship, it will ALWAYS crash.
Do you have something else going in your life? Are you a man with a mission, or just a bastard looking around for a girlfriend? You can be sure that if you were an in shape hardworking man climbing the mountain, she would not leave you, and if she did, you'd not feel like shit for months, because you have a mountain to climb.
Best and only thing you should do is to lose ALL hope, do not feed the idea that she'll come back, stop feeding you mind images of her, she made a bet against you, that you're loser with no future, either she's right and she made a good decision, or you wake the frick up and prove her wrong. Do the right thing, and by the time she comes back, if she does, you wont even want her anymore, as you should, do be plan B for anyone.
I had a gf of 7 years, she broke up once on the 5y mark, one month later we were back together, and she broke up again last year. Reason was basically that i did not gave her enough attention, did not love her enough, we had too many arguments and so on. I'd say that was 70% my fault, I was too focused on work, I wanted to give her a nice comfortable life.
She loved me and I loved her, I was her first on everything, met her when she was 19, so the bond was very strong, but she convinced herself she'd be better off alone, I thought she was doing a mistake, tried to keep her but to no avail.
At the time she left me, I had quit my job to start my own business, for about a month I could not stop thinking about her, and made basically no progress, after the one month mark, I had little hopes for her to come back, and started to work again on my business, fast foward 5 months, and I was making about 5x my last salary as an engineer, life was getting on track and the future was looking bright.
And guess who comes back? I had no contact with her during all this time, and no mutual friends so pretty sure she did not knew I was doing well, still, shes comes back with a message wanting to talk, we talk, and it's clear to me that she did not found her perfect boyfriend out there, and wanted to see if we could reconnect. I still had some respect for her so I did not outright told her to get lost, but boy did it feel good to tell her she made a mistake, and it was too late to regret. She was no longer the girl that had been only mine, other men have had their way with her, and I'd feel disgusted to ever share the bed with her.
Focus on you and the tables will turn, if you did nothing wrong, karma is on your side.
Move on, dude. You'll feel better in time. I promise. I've had my heart smashed 4 times. Time heals and, honestly, the greatest strides and changes I've made were during periods of heartbreak. Get back on the horse and get back out there. Plenty of fish in the sea. If you can do it once, you can do it always. Get to work.
>greatest strides and changes I've made were during periods of heartbreak
greatest strides in what area?
Literally you got off easy for your first attempt. Just take the W that you got a gf, had some nice experiences, and nobody died. Now you can get back out there and try again.
Want to hear my forever alone who got a gf story? It's not nearly as nice and clean as yours
>got gf from dating apps after 10+ years alone
>moves in after a month
>has emotional affair with guy in prison
>has emotional affair with ex boyfriend
>sex life dwindled to zero pretty early
>still can't get rid of her
This started two years ago. I would have much rather she just put me down nicely after a few dates so I could find someone else.