not that bad, i was hospitalized twice in highschool before dropping out because id come into class disassociated with bloody arms before randomly walking out the building
i think i missed 40ishdays of school my freshman year and 50+ my senior year
havent self harmed since those days
as for how bad. i just put neosporin on it, no deep cuts. gotta keep it hidden from family which is annoying though. feel like ellie from the last of us hiding her zombie bite lol
not very. I started really stupidly with hunting knives and bread knives and then graduated to pencil sharpeners and then utility blades and then scalpels. every relapse just goes deeper. my last time (and the time that got me to stop) I must have severed a vein on my upper arm because I ended up covering the bathroom in blood that I then had to clean up even after it took the blood over an hour to stop flowing (even with bleedstop). I know that’s still nothing compared to others but I’m beginning to understand why that’s a good thing actually. clean for like 4 months now and finding my scars uglier and more repulsive every day but still have the strong sense that it isn’t nearly over yet. I don’t know when it’ll be enough. But it isn’t.
Ive had a really strong desire to SH lots and lots of times in my life. However, I never cut. Even tho I wanted to, I was pretty sure seeing the scars would make me feel even worse
So I found ways to SH without scars. Digging finger nails really deep into the skin until it breaks skin but not hard enough to hurt. Remember trauma on purpose in order to trigger ptsd. Snapping myself with a rubber band. Stuff like that.
None of those are good coping mechanisms tho, and employing bad coping mechanisms doesnt proce that your suffering is more real or whatever
I told myself that I didn't deserve to transition when I was 17, and I waited until I was 20 to start because I wanted to punish myself for a mistake I made. How is that?
relapsed last night after a week clean and it feels embarrassing. can’t cut deep enough and it doesn’t bleed enough, failing in the one thing to get my mind off being a failure. leg is covered in minuscule to small scars, most of which are too shallow to last more than a month or two.
I gave myself a cut with a really sharp stanley knife after my parents were yelling at me. I felt so stupid afterwards that I never did it again. The scar is still very faintly there
not that bad, i was hospitalized twice in highschool before dropping out because id come into class disassociated with bloody arms before randomly walking out the building
i think i missed 40ishdays of school my freshman year and 50+ my senior year
havent self harmed since those days
>was
my collection grows ever larger
i only cut once in my life.(yesterday) i'm a gigantic pussy to pain but i drowned out it out with loud music and went to town.
as for how bad. i just put neosporin on it, no deep cuts. gotta keep it hidden from family which is annoying though. feel like ellie from the last of us hiding her zombie bite lol
not very. I started really stupidly with hunting knives and bread knives and then graduated to pencil sharpeners and then utility blades and then scalpels. every relapse just goes deeper. my last time (and the time that got me to stop) I must have severed a vein on my upper arm because I ended up covering the bathroom in blood that I then had to clean up even after it took the blood over an hour to stop flowing (even with bleedstop). I know that’s still nothing compared to others but I’m beginning to understand why that’s a good thing actually. clean for like 4 months now and finding my scars uglier and more repulsive every day but still have the strong sense that it isn’t nearly over yet. I don’t know when it’ll be enough. But it isn’t.
SH can manifest in many ways. I just wanted to party hard and die at 30 for some years.
could be worse
giwtwm
im literally a gigahon
you arent, and i was talking about the scars anyways
??? if you wanna cut yourself there's nothing stopping you
i just mean they look nice and ive never gone that deep ive always ended up doing many smaller ones
never tried, never wanted to, never will
I've done some but it's really not that visible at all even with my clothes off
Ive had a really strong desire to SH lots and lots of times in my life. However, I never cut. Even tho I wanted to, I was pretty sure seeing the scars would make me feel even worse
So I found ways to SH without scars. Digging finger nails really deep into the skin until it breaks skin but not hard enough to hurt. Remember trauma on purpose in order to trigger ptsd. Snapping myself with a rubber band. Stuff like that.
None of those are good coping mechanisms tho, and employing bad coping mechanisms doesnt proce that your suffering is more real or whatever
I never cut myself or anything stupid like that, I just abused drugs
I told myself that I didn't deserve to transition when I was 17, and I waited until I was 20 to start because I wanted to punish myself for a mistake I made. How is that?
relapsed last night after a week clean and it feels embarrassing. can’t cut deep enough and it doesn’t bleed enough, failing in the one thing to get my mind off being a failure. leg is covered in minuscule to small scars, most of which are too shallow to last more than a month or two.
its not like it gets any better when you cut deep. my leg is filled with pretty deep permanent scars. one is like 3 inches wide.
I gave myself a cut with a really sharp stanley knife after my parents were yelling at me. I felt so stupid afterwards that I never did it again. The scar is still very faintly there
Want(ed) to but still live with family and theyre really keen on never keeping sharp anything so I never started