My mom said that my boyfriend will lose respect for me and leave me, because his friends all have gfs with better jobs than me.
For example my bf is a programmer and so are most of his friends (despite them not being very smart, they got their jobs through connections and just being “chill”)
Their gfs are also programmers or one of them is a dentist. I don’t have a good job. Despite me being intelligent and knowing a lot about various things and the world, most people seem to look very down on me and think they’re better than me because they are in better positions. For example my cousin is extremely stupid and a shit person but she is some kind of a middle manager, and her friend is the manager of a single location of a sporting goods franchise. They’re both fat and b***hes and look down upon me.
In addition most of my boyfriends friends are shallow narcissistic buttholes, for example the dentist girlfriend was over an hour late to one of their restaurant meetups because she “decided to go to the gym first before”. So everyone was basically waiting for them. They’re also super late other times, like recently they promised to pick my bf up from his house and they were over an hour late and never even called him or answered any of his texts for hours to inform him.
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For some reason my boyfriend insists on continuing to associate with these people, I really don’t know what he sees in them except for I guess enjoying spending time with them when he’s around them? But they honestly seem like shit friends and shit people.
I just feel like everyone sees me as different from them and looks down upon me, but I can’t bring myself to care about such stupid shit.
For example all the women here care about having the latest iPhone, wearing loose clothing and having fake nails, paying other places for mundane beauty services (micro blading their brows, buying random gimmicky gadgets that literally no one fricking needs).
Also I know I could become a dentist if I wanted to but it just doesn’t fukcing appeal to me at all and I find it disgusting.
Honestly, most high paying jobs do not appeal to me.
Does anyone have advice? How am I supposed to be respected by anyone when it seems most people just value extremely shallow things and I don’t?
You sound super jealous. Why are you such an underachiever?
Other women will care. Men will not care. Another guy's gf could be the CEO of a major company, but if she was fat and annoying, while my gf was cute and easygoing but worked at Starbucks, I would not be jealous in the slightest. Most men are the same. Don't worry.
if your mom is a boomer she doesnt understand how dating works right now. before women were considered 'lower' than men and had to 'keep up', even comparing themselves to prostitutes
Men do not want a woman that makes more money than they do.
Frick yeah we do. It’s women that don’t want men who make less money than they do.
Clearly they do in this shithole country. Not only that but they also want her to birth and raise the kids. Either way they want to make similar amounts of money so that they feel she is “contributing” something. Honestly who wouldn’t rather have a woman who earns more money than another woman. Literally who would prefer less money. People are selfish and greedy. As long as it’s slightly less or the same as you it’s fine.
I don't think this is true. Even if you believe so, women working has tanked population growth so fricking hard.
I don't think it's purely due to women not wanting to be stay at home moms, I think they are literally less attractive for pursuing money instead of children.
Your mom is projecting female desires on to men. She's wrong, we're different and consider different things and men don't really consider their partner's job much.
Way more important to be nice, pleasant to talk to. Intelligent. Loyal. Sane.
By all means go do something you enjoy and bring in some money though, laziness is also not attractive. What it is though won't matter so much.
>My mom said that my boyfriend will lose respect for me and leave me, because his friends all have gfs with better jobs than me.
Does your boyfriend actually think this or is this just your mom's inane headcanon? A good question to ponder.
>most people seem to look very down on me
Is this really the truth or is it a consequence of a traumatic upbringing (i.e. living with a mom who say shit like what you just wrote here)?
If you love your bf and he loves you, maybe ignore the irrelevant shit in your life and focus on what's important to you - your love, and whatever you normally occupy yourself with.
If there's anything you need to be mindful of, I would say it is your own personality - you are making a lot of harsh judgements here, even if they are true. Try to relax more and build genuine tolerance for people's stupidity, because if this stuff keeps getting you angry, you'll struggle to find peace.
>Does anyone have advice? How am I supposed to be respected by anyone when it seems most people just value extremely shallow things and I don’t?
I have a similar problem. Most people's priorities: be popular, don't be unpopular, have money, have status. I don't care about these things. I can't work hard at them, because I don't care about them. I suck it up when people look down on me, and focus on what is important to me - it does help a bit that I look down on them in turn, which is also what you are doing by calling them "extremely shallow" etc, but it's important to keep the contempt in control because otherwise we end up becoming like those very same people.
Seek and accept respect from people who are important to you, and who are willing to give you respect for living up to your inner nature faithfully and dutifully. Accept that people with different priorities will not extend that courtesy, and will be inclined to look down on you.
Tbh I think he does, and I think he does want me to have a better job. All the girls he likes the most are programmers.
He claims he loves me but tbh if he treats everyone he loves that way it’s kinda sus
I am curious have you been to therapy? I have been but I haven’t had luck with finding any good therapists
It’s not stupidity, if the people were just stupid and not rude and narcissistic it wouldn’t bother me so much I’d like to think
I guess it’s hard to find people with similar priorities
>He claims he loves me but tbh if he treats everyone he loves that way it’s kinda sus
I don't know, that seems like another large topic. If he loved some other woman, I think he would be with her, not with you. People are different so idk if his love for you is strong or not, because I am not there so I can't tell. But I'd hope he loves you.
>I am curious have you been to therapy? I have been but I haven’t had luck with finding any good therapists
I am just a DIY guy. I've never been to therapy but I spend my life mostly learning and studying, and it's been helping me with analysing myself too.
>It’s not stupidity, if the people were just stupid and not rude and narcissistic it wouldn’t bother me so much I’d like to think
People who are rude and narcissistic are also stupid. A person who is intelligent does not casually harass and bully others. Being smug only makes enemies, not friends.
>I guess it’s hard to find people with similar priorities
Well, I can't argue with that. It's the same for me.
Your mum sounds like a boomer. If so, she is near retirement age and so is your dad; maybe it is her way of getting you anxious and dependent on her advice so that you support her with a "good job" if not a "good income". Your boyfriend appears to be experiencing a social dilemma, meaning, that while he has known and befriended those people for years at some point they became bothersome and he is just staying with them. With work, the daily errands and the time remaining he may not be interested with meeting other friends.
If you have tried everything to be friendly with them, being civil and getting along with them and yet they do not treat you well; maybe consider standing up for yourself. I can understand if it bothers you to meet with them.
There is a guy at work and he comes to work high on cocaine and he has been doing so since at least the day he started a year and a half ago. Two junior staff members resigned because of him as he berated them behind their back to the manager as well as insulting them. He harasses the manager almost daily and calls him at any time (ANY TIME) during the day. He is a huge gossiper. After making some "remarks" like he did with the two junior staff he had a rage fit at me after I was granted a second consecutive pay rise. He even made false accusations about my work three times. The partners and the office manager? The boomer partner regards him as his pet and gave him the job as he worked "in the big firms", the GenX partner regards him as "his guy" and since he travelled to where the junkie diversity hire is from and maybe got his socks blown off there he is kind of fond of him. The office manager regards him as her nephew. One day I completely went off at him and swore at him. He has backed off and tries to resume his toxic behaviour. I even warned the GenX partner that going forward I would not put up with him.
So OP it may just be a matter of standing up for yourself.
>know a lot about various things.
That’s perfect for a house wife and a mother. All men will be jealous of another man who has a woman to organise life and do the accounting so men can concentrate on making money and doing man stuff. Great men have extraordinary mothers. Why would anyone want their woman tied down to the whims of some corrupt corporation, when she has a house to run and real lives to manage?
Men don't care as long as you're pulling your weight.
go to school and get a degree innit
dont let em at you and get between you and your homie
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if you live your whole life caring what people think about you, you're going to end up in the gutter.
Many incels stay that way because they don't want to admit they are because of societal shame, it stunts their progress and stalls their youth
Your mom is half right and half wrong.
She's right that your bf in particular might have an issue with it. You yourself should be very concerned about the kinds of company your bf keeps. If he's friends with "shallow narcissistic buttholes", odds are he's similar to them, maybe more similar than you'd like to admit to yourself. And if he is like that, then he might very well dump you if he thinks you're not a flashy enough accessory. I wouldn't call that a loss.
But she's wrong if she thinks men, in general, care about a woman having a high-powered career. Most guys don't. Some guys want a woman to be able to pay her own bills, but the more family-oriented the guy, the more likely it is that he'll be happy to provide for his wife and kids. Among those guys, the more devoted to her career a woman is, the less appealing she is.
>How am I supposed to be respected by anyone when it seems most people just value extremely shallow things and I don’t?
Why do you want the respect of people you don't even like?
>because his friends all have gfs with better jobs than me.
who the frick cares about the proffesion of his girl lol? as long as she is not a prostitute we dont care the slightest
learn to cook
Ok then fricking do something. You don't have to get a degree or anything but assuming you're at least just as intelligent and passionate in general then you should be able to achieve something in similar worth.
Maybe it's writing a book.
You don't have to be the same. I could build a pyramid made of cow dung, doesn't mean I should.
You don't really seem to be in a place to judge cause it just seems pathetically defensive and baselessly self righteous.
>My mom said that my boyfriend will lose respect for me and leave me, because his friends all have gfs with better jobs than me.
Sorry to tell you, but your mom's moronic.
She's projecting female attraction to work the same way male attraction does.
Females care about the social status (usually linked to wealth and/or a high paying / prestigious career) of their man. Many consider it even shameful if their man doesn't have a good career, or god forbid he earns less than her in the relationship
Men just don't give a frick. Not at all. None whatsoever.
Even literal entrepreneurial-minded successful business owner millionaires will probably take the hot starbucks barista or the 7/11 cashier with the cute smile over some career woman with a high paying or high position job if the poor girl is better looking or has a more amicable/approachable personality.
Hell tbh if your career's too good you might even intimidate a lot of men away from you, basically everyone who earns less than you or is in a less prestigious position than you is already out of the equasion, because 1) men naturally WANT to fullfill the provider role and 2) women naturally WANT MEN to fullfill the provider role, at least statistically speaking.
Marriages where the woman earns more than the men are MUCH more likely to end in divorce - mostly innitiated by the woman.
BTW same goes for education, if the wife has a higher education attainment than the husband, the marriage is more likely to end in divorce than the other way around, again the absolute vast majority of divorces (like literally ~90%) initiated by the woman.
evolutionary mate selection criteria that have been genetically enforced in humans for the past 300,000 years just **somehow** haven't caught up with the 21st century feminist equal society thats only been around for the last few decades.
Your mother is an awful person. That is NOT a primary reason to leave someone.