What's got you down?
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Relationships uncensored
What's got you down?
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me on the left
i love my bf but even after this other guy whom i met through work treated me like total shit and has demonstrated negative interest in me, i still can't stop thinking about his body. i know they say you're supposed to accept whatever fantasy it is you're trying to repress, saying "don't think about x" to yourself only makes you think about it more, but the more i accept the fantasies the more they feed into each other and make me just want to keep fantasizing. it makes me want to die because i wish i could just turn it off
saw my contact info on my mom's phone. she has me as my first name + last name initials. in contrast everyone else in our family's info (including my brother) is just their name.
also me and her live together and she just went and visited him and didn't invite me even though we were all supposed to hang out together. right before she left to go to his house she was on the phone with him and she asked me "your brother says if you want to go" but ofc I said no.
Maybe learn social cues and take the hint they don't want to talk to you and just move on
>just abandon your family bro it's not that hard
I'm all for cutting shitty family members out of one's life, but don't make it seem like it's something you can just move on from, it's not that easy.
I'm injured all the time but hate myself for taking time to rest.
It's stupid and I feel stupid.
>Just immediately callous to these people that are your family lmao
Even if what they're doing is shitty, be realistic.
You sound a bit neurotic, I think some practice in acknowledging that most all people are fricked in some way and finding something to get out of your head sounds like it'd be healthy for you.
>It's stupid and I feel stupid.
It helped me personally to see it as an investment in future productivity. It is not the most satisfying mindset initially, but it helped me cope and get over my workaholism.
I'll just have to remind myself of this but I constantly have the "someone out there is trying harder and doing better than you and you're wasting your potential" thoughts.
Just have to remind myself of my limits.
Anyways back on the positivity train!
Someone has it harder
Yeh Whats that got to do with me
why do you think i said no when my brother asked to hang out? maybe learn to read first before sharing your half baked dimwit ideas on the internet
I wanna have sex with left.
I'm a disgusting, selfish, and evil human being who only hurts those around me.
I don't want to hurt anyone, I try to be kind. But I always fail. I can't not hurt people. I guess it's just in my nature.
I'm so tired of hating myself, I want to die. But I can't, my friends and family have told me how much it'll hurt. Even though I've hurt them, they still care about me and would be sad when I'm gone. I guess I'm so terrible I gave them Stockholm syndrome.
I don't know what to do. Both living and dying cause so much pain. I wish I could just be a good person instead of the monster I really am.
hey, I'm talking to you. Listen up. You're not a monster. Hurting people happens, and it happens all of the time. Being socially ungraceful is not a sin, you can (and clearly have) mended things in the past.
i realize that im severely socially stunted
i grew up on NSFFW and places more or less adjacent to it and essentially self-isolated my way through life otherwise unless forced otherwise
snarky humor is the absolute limit for what i can provide to any discussion
i basically dont have friends, i dont know how to keep conversations going, much less initiate them
i feel little to no joy in my daily life, i just do the same shit, day in and day out, it pays well, but i dont care any more and the money is piling up with nowhere to put it
i have degenerate sexual perversions
nobody likes me
im beginning to think i might be some flavor of troony
i keep having intrusive suicidal thoughts
looking at, sometimes even thinking about gore makes me violently jerk my body now and i dont know why
im finding it harder and harder to distinguish irony from reality in the way i behave
You will need someone to force you out of your shell a little, but it will also require a good effort on your end. You can get better.
Hey brother it'll be good let's hang out it's been a while
>looking at, sometimes even thinking about gore makes me violently jerk my body now and i dont know why
Could be a tic, they can occur with stress (gore, even if you think you're desensitized to it, can still be stressful). Do you have autism? Could be the source of the tic.
relatable
i cant live sober. sober life is unbearable to me
It's not gonna help long term, best you can do is find backup alternatives while drunk
I'll never have the life of a normal cis woman
I just wanna be free of the curse that is facial hair
I'm gonna shave you like a cat
Do it
What, want me to shave your entire body and put a collar on you, like some sort of eyebrowless human pet?
I'm going to shave the skin off your body for fun.
That would be quite a hairy predicament.
If you are in spamton cosplay then yes
left is peak disingenuity
It's self sacrifice. You wouldn't get it yet, maybe when you grow up you will.
I've had my gun in my mouth before and didn't do it because I didn't want the last thing I left my wife to be a mess she'd have to clean up. Lots of suicidal people are there because they feel like a burden that cannot improve their circumstances, so I don't think it's unreasonable to think someone else's expression of suicidal ideation my stop a suicidal person so they could help, at least temporarily.
I tried slitting my wrists before, but I got medical help before I bled out. I was 12. MY life has been a shitty one and that's why I'm incredibly angry all of the time.
Sometimes it's hard to not deepthroat my 1911 and paint the walls red.
The hateful negative emotions help drive away my sadness and apathy.
just received an e-mail from where i would rent my apartment, it's full and can only end up on the waitlist, so unless my brother will hand over his place to me i prolly can't move out at all seeing there are barely any rooms available elsewhere. stuck in this hellhole.
i'm just becoming increasingly reclusive and bored with myself. i feel more anxious and wait until night so i don't have to face family since they just hate my guts now.
i haven't spoken to anyone in days now, got no friends, still think a lot about a friend and want her back, knowing she won't and is happy now
music doesn't help really anymore.
losing a lot of weight lately as well, by the way. don't really much beyond one meal and tons of water
i'm just on the verge of tears now and want to cry in someone's chest while that person is holding me. unfortunately, i'm just so undesirable.
planning on overdosing soon.
I hope you'll still see this message but please don't od. You're going through so much shit now and it's okay for you to feel how you do. But you're still worth it and you can have a good life. Just hold out some more please. You'll get to move and life will improve dramatically. I wish the best anon <3
my depression is back in full force now, maybe even worse than before.
it makes me feel even more worse because like 3 months ago, i felt like i was on the verge of a breakthrough. like things were finally going to get better
now im just tired all the time and my life feels pointless
Depression comes in cycles. It's going to be tough for a little while, I won't lie to you, but you will make it through and come out on the other side of this.
>Cycles
Lol yeah like a bike going downhill with no brakes.
yeah, ive felt the cycles before but this has just been a downward plummet from probably the best place i'd been ever in my life to the worst its ever been
days are melting away, i cant even look my reflection in the eye, i feel like i'll never achieve the only thing i care about
even moments of distraction, playing games with friends, mindlessly listening to youtube videos, occasionally doing drugs, none of it works anymore because in the end, i still hate myself
and im the one i have to live with
looking like a man
"woman" stems from hwarmann, a portmanteau of the Proto-Germanic hwar (where) and mann (man) with a dialectal shift from a to o, translating roughly to "where (is the) man?". Consequently, do not think of yourself as "not a woman". Think of yourself as "the answer to woman".
most confusing way ive been called a man
If it is any comfort to you, my source is not too reliable[1-2].
Also, I think you're okay for a trip. And you're a woman. It's still fun dabbing on you though.
[1] I made it the frick up, the components are real though.
[2] It actually stems from "wiffmann" which basically means "female person". Mann apparently was also used in the sense of (Hu)man as it is in English occasionally.
do you post mean things to me a lot? another anon said something similar, that they do it for fun despite not disliking me and i wanna know if there’s more than one and if im just fun to wind up for some reason
Probably someone else. I rarely post mean things on this board cause I don't want people here to rope. But bullying trips a bit is in good fun. Also I rarely see you lose it over a bit of banter. Why, is it getting to you? Hey if you need more support just ask.
it gets to me a little bit, usually even if i can maintain composure about it. i could use support but i have no idea who to ask everybody’s so alienated from eachother
Isn't it simply delicious to hate each other?
frankly i have a hard time hating people
Fricking hell. You people keep pushing me toward doing something gay and moronic like opening a self help discord channel for which I am wholly un-fricking-qualified. But you ass hats need some help.
soz ill try and be less pathetic going forward
Just be more open about it. Some anons will gladly pick your brain.
Why have I formed every facet of my personality and life around "I must not be a burden to anybody else"?
Why do I lie to everyone and say I don't need help when I really really need help?
Why do they ignore my cries for help the ONE TIME every few years I actually break down and ask, and they don't seem to realize I'm having a crisis even when I say it to their face?
What's it like having a family who loves you enough to notice something is wrong and actually do something to help instead of just virtue signaling that they're there if you need them but not actually being there in practice?
>depression
Proven fake and gay by science. Now you guys will have to come up with a new reason you are wasting your lives.
>A =/> B
>therefore, B does not exist
Prove depression exists.
Prove I haven't fricked your mom
Can't prove a negative
>Can't prove a negative
sadly I tested positive after fricking her.
anon that entire paper is focused on how SSRIs don't treat depression well enough for serotonin to be the NT whos imbalance causes depression.
if depression doesn't exist how would they prove that? it existing is how that paper was published in the first place.
>no evidence that diseases are caused by bad humors or demons
>this means diseases aren't real
???
I dont enjoy living
>tfw no clingy needy bpd transgf
you forgot the only if they pass part
No, that's mostly irrelevant
i cant stand my face.
sometimes i think "holy shit i actually look like an slightly human being!" but most times i look worse than a decomposing gremlin.
can't wait for FFS, but even then, im piss poor too so it isnt happening anytime soon...
i didnt use to care that much about my face, but after getting a boyfriend, i constantly wanna look better just for him, but i know i cant compete with hotter trannies and most cis women lmao, literally the ONLY thing i have going for me is my body, which looks cis but unattractive, frick
the only person who has called me cute, pretty, etc was him, so its not bdd, 2+ decades without ever getting a compliment about my looks lmao,
bask in his affirmation you goof. Tons of people that feel like you start chasing an illusion because even if they had their brains teleported into a 10/10 body they would hate themselves. Tread carefully. Every last one of them thought of themselves as the exception.
I wanna be rid of the curse that is facial hair
I don't care how cringe it sounds; I bottle up my hatred and rage. It's gotten to the point where I blow up at the smallest problems and whenever I physically hurt other people I get sexually aroused. It make the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my stomach butterflies.
I want to find a cute guy I can choke, beat, pin down, degrade, strip, command, etc.
I never thought It would get this far. I had therapy awhile ago as a kid. But it didn't work.
Sometimes I can't stand it anymore and punch random shit, Push the gas and go 90, etc. Randomly screaming and laughing.
Listening to loud music and pacing around. Inhaling as much air as I can to make myself feel high.
The other day I put a whole through someone's ceiling and the plaster tore some flesh off my hand. The pic is on my phone and it would be a huge pain in the ass to get it on my pc. Got blood pretty much everywhere.
It felt good.
get a punching bag, and chase the runner's high.
Just lift weights moron
That shit is boring and doesn't satisfy my cravings.
I guess? It seems like a better prospect to rape and abuse someone else who's willing to though. I just have no clue where I can find a cute male willing to let me do that to them.
> It seems like a better prospect to rape and abuse someone else who's willing to though.
thing is, for cnc/SM relationships be last and be healthy you need to have other outlets anyway, since the abuse should be confined to the bedroom.
I thought about getting a therapist, but A I don't have the money or insurance for that and B I want to own guns.
Give the punching bag thing a chance, then
Also things like putty etc. You know, things you can absolutely annihilate and still not get hurt.
I guess I should, but I gotta buy it and find somewhere to put it. Maybe I'll teach myself how to box? I should also find a mouth guard.
I'm not using gloves, I have a trick where I put a lighter in my hand. I can punch wood and stone without break my meta carpals. Learned how to after I put my hand out of commission for 4 months lol.
based, godspeed you two
true dat anon, Maybe If I drink enough water, eat enough chicken, and vent as much rage as I can I'll get shredded?
I think it's a waste to be 6ft and not pack on the lean bean. At least while i'm still young and not close to death.
That and my littler brother's friend messaged me, sent me nudes. And heavily implied he wanted me to frick him.
He's 19 I believe; I'm 21.
i want a bf but i have a cis gf 🙁
>get Saturday off, almost always work that day
>ask friends if they want to do something outside since it’s hot
>friend says he’s too tired this weekend but he might go to the beach with other people
>doesn’t invite me
>tells me he doesn’t want to do anything then says he’ll be doing something but with other people
Normalgay genocide when
I have brain damage from chronic drug use and self harm and I am on the verge of psychosis and I want to die
This is why so many people here try to stop the druggies on this board. You can be one of them.
What's the point in trying to stop them, nobody can stop an addict but themselves kek. Not like meaningless words without the full context on a mongolian basket weaving forum will change anything anyway.
In an awkward spot in transition that I've been in for a long time. My appearance is plain and I feel jealous of all the super pretty trans girls who are just naturally fem and love makeup. It's hard for me to even get myself to do it on a consistent basis. I lose the motivation because it doesn't come natural to me. Being feminine. I really want to be because I hate looking like a plain girl. I'm thankful I have a bf and he's into me but I worry I'm just not sexy/pretty enough. On my worst days I just see a man in the mirror. People tell me otherwise but I don't believe it. It's hard to feel like a woman because I don't see myself as one.
Car got smashed when I was drunk, plus i shattered my boyfriends ribcage in a fight. So not great
my friends ex did that to him once, she pushed him over and he broke his ribs
You shattered your own boyfriends ribcage? What a homosexual. You're supposed to grapple them and choke them out.
Do you even know what a armlock is? Me neither that's why I'm gonna learn. Thanks for letting me taste some of that delicious suffering.
My brothers a foot shorter than me, but one time when we were young and fighting eachother that homie put me in a choke and eat my punches and kicks. Wrestling is based for 1 on 1 fights.
I've been attracted to GNC/flamboyant/femboys/femme guys since I was 15. I'll be 40 before I know it, and it feels like I'll never find the man I'm looking for.
I was born in the wrong body, the wrong state, to the wrong family, into the wrong life to get the kind of man I want.
feels good not to be a troony homosexual, thats it. Thats the only reason I didn't kill myself.
i cried for the first time in a long time recently, it might've been a panic attack but i don't actually know for sure cause i've never had one
i've been feeling so overwhelmed recently, it's never really been this bad before and i'm not even sure what prompted it
i'm pretty sure all my friends hate me, i think i make them uncomfortable, i've been isolating myself for maybe two weeks, i haven't eaten much of anything, probably less than a meal a day, i just drink vodka and sugar free monster and i smoke
but yeah, none of my friends have reached out to say "hey", cause i don't think they really like me at all
i hate the thought i could be gay, and i hate even more the thought i could be trans, these feelings are maybe 30% of my negative emotions rn, and they're awful
idk, i'm rambling
a lot of the time these paranoid thoughts arent real. if they are itd be better to talk to your friends and get honest opinions to clear the air, not isolate. they may think you want space...
(but if they arent mad and u ask too much if they are ppl can get annoyed ive found)
breakdowns are helpful sometimes too? get well soon
if you think youre bad enough to die, you should be bad enough to live suffering. sometimes i think im here to learn to like hurting.
stagnation; peaked in primary school, im told.
22 and change feels so slow; im playing around with self harm again like a child.
just feels like im overztaying my welcome. extended cut.
It’s like I’m depressed about having been depressed. I can’t stop thinking about ruined irreplaceable youth and how ashamed I am about having done nothing with my life
No hope = no reason to do anything = sticking in no hope. Whee!
Nobody told me that avatar gayging can get me hammered
Global rule #13, sugar.
Rules: tldr
adorable.
Can someone explain the rule to me?
posting pics in your replies in such a way that identifies you as a certain person, such as always posting pictures of vegeta for example because you think it adds personality to your replies, is not allowed cause it's annoying and attention seeking behavior.
>is not allowed cause it's annoying and attention seeking behavior.
they should ban all the tripgays then
Based take
I am not even a bdd poster
Kinda weird how avatar gayging is ban able because "it identify you" while bdd poster who post their face everyday are okay
What the frick does that have to do with my post, you fricking piece of shit?
I'm a pussy haver who likes clean-shaven longhaired men , you wouldn't show that gif to Anya Taylor-Joy or assume she was molested because she's married to Malcolm McCabe.
What the frick
Transphobes are mentally ill
Those two don't look like transphobes to me.
what compels somebody to keep images of gore on their computer? owning the troons? did somebody touch you as a kid and now you have to angrily project that onto us?
but anon, I did not post that. I am just innocently wondering what happened to those two.
this cute ass mfer is straight now I gotta decide if I just go full bawd or find someone nice
Alot.
>Live in the midwest
>Dissociative Identity Disorder
>Had to drop out of college cause trooning out got me kicked out of my military scholarship program
>Only way to get a job now is by working at like fricking Starbucks or something
>I should be on disability, but if I get diagnosed with DID then I'll almost certainly never have a chance at getting SRS cause of discriminatory healthcare in the USA for the psychiatric ally disabled
>Somehow this is all my fault
i’m never going to be who i want to be this shit is all fricking pointless
>be me
>get mogged by even the ugliest cis women in public
>get mogged by all the troons online
>try to boymode to not attract attention for once
>get called a homosexual
what's the point anymore this is impossible
Currently dealing with retained shrapnel slowly killing me because doctors are incompetent.
Makes me appreciate life though, albeit with my head constantly full of fluid.
wtf anon are they gonna remove it soon? Or are you kill?
Realistically they probably wouldn't even operate on it due to how close it is to my spine and heart even if doctors weren't moronic. My GP told me exactly what was wrong but every specialist refuses to operate because they "think I'm fine" dispute getting slowly poisoned. My lymph nodes are losing their shit constantly.
Once it gets bad enough I'll probably break it off with my boyfriend so he doesn't have to see me like that and blow my brains out in the desert.
Fricking hell so they all refuse to operate because they are cowards afraid of their good name?
Basically. This is something I have accepted. I did my dues here and I can't do much more at this point. All my friends and family (except my boyfriend) know what my plan is and they're cool with it. I'll break it off with him without warning and do my thing once I've got him all sorted with a new place to stay.
Man this site can make you feel powerless hearing shit like this. Makes me wish for a miracle. I really hope the frickers eventually cave in, and if they don't, I hope you get at least some comeuppance for exposing them refusing to operate you somehow.
Cheers, anon.
Thanks. I don't think anything'll happen, well, at least anything good. I did what I thought was right. I was wrong about some things, well... most things, but I suppose it's better to regret something you have done or haven't done.
Some advice though, if you're fixing to join the military just don't. They'll feed a young mind stories of glamor, heroism, and tell you you're doing the right thing. Next thing you know you come to your senses and you realize you fricked up and now you're crippled, either physically or mentally.
Anyways, tata. Make use of the life you've got and don't become a part of the machine. Lay in the sun, try to make the world a better place for the people you love, and enjoy the good in the world, it won't do you any good to worry about the bad shit you can't change.
Thanks, anon. I'll do my best.
>tfw not even acknowledged in the sad thread
i only received one reply and it was making fun of me. i shouldnt have posted here
Don't worry anon I noticed you.
that pic is the archetypal top/bottom relationship
Biden inflation rate means I can barely afford to live here in CA anymore
Shit makes me sad every time
yeah lol
reread boku girl and am now on a GB mood and every time I get depressed
Why couldn't I have just been born a normal girl? What did I do to deserve this?
i’d feminize you in a complete “the skin i live in” kind of way if it’d make you happy enough
Please do
Even if I cured my depression I'd still have brain damage from being depressed for so long. I'm probably going to develop dementia in my thirties. I'm never going to be a normal person who can live a happy life. None of my dreams will ever come true. I didn't try enough while there was still hope. I shouldn't have been optimistic.
My mom's dead and it's coming up on the anniversary of her suicide.
My dad killed himself 9 years ago
It gets better, that's all I can really say
I hope the guilt has passed you anon
Thank you. That does actually help.
Actually I'm feeling better now. I realized that I'm not supposed to transition. I'm supposed to kill myself.
I'm not meant to live.
I don't know if I'll ever find the courage to though.
Every relationship I've had has ended in failure. I've been cheated on so many times I view other people's relationships with disdain, jealousy, and overall it makes me super fricking depressed. I still put myself out there on dating apps/sites but I've given up all hope of meeting someone new because I think it will legit end miserably for me. I even have a hard time making new friends but ig that's always been an issue because I'm introverted. Overall, I feel distanced from the world and even myself.
Love doesn't exist, desire, loneliness, submission and domination are the only reasons people stay together. anyone saying otherwise is lying to themselves
I don't like being alone,
I don't being abandoned,
Especially when the person that previously was trying to have a relationship just breaks contact without warning.
It make those voices inside my head restless and makes my head hurt.
Pic related
I hate the voices, voices scare me.
i tried to fix the l and r buttons on my dsi and i broke the ribbon cable while trying to reconnect it to the motherboard and now the l button and volume down are functionally the same button and i had to buy a new ribbon cable.
im in love With t him
My ftm boyfriend left me for coming out to him as a trans woman. I told him from the beginning that I was fem, non-binary and he would constantly make jokes about me being an egg and said that he would ride out anything with me if I was trans. However, once I actually started to explore my gender he became weird and distant and basically said that he isn't attracted to women even though I haven't even started hrt yet. We went from perfectly fine to falling apart in like 2 weeks time. I'm still very masc, and I don't even know how well hrt will work for me. I've been hooking up with a lot of women and men recently. A lot of them are interested in dating me, but I don't have the courage to tell most of them that I'm trans. I'm going on dates with people who would accept me, yet I still only want him. There was a lot of love still left in that relationship. I love him so much.
I'm never going to pass.
I'm seriously terrified of a genocide against trans people starting in the US, I feel like I can sense it shifting. I'm full out at work, well liked in my community, and surrounded by trans friends and lovers, but I'm so so fricking scared people are going to start murdering my people.
I carry a gun pretty much daily because of that, have talked my way out of a few fights, and I'm not really worried about my own safety. But I cant protect all of my girls, and a lot of them don't have the same ability for self defense I have. I'm so scared I'm going to watch my community die around me in a few years. I know what that will do to my soul.
everything. begging for help not even working no matter who i beg, family, doctors, anything for anything. not a single person cares about me, and they all ignore me.
think my brain is deteriorating too so that's even more good reason to kms. what a grand joke of an existence.
Unrequited love ;_;
Had to get 3 vaccines and a flu shot, and blood draws at once for nursing school. Also on antibiotics for my a tooth infection which really hurts
I'm in so much pain and I feel really sick. Have had a low grade fever for a while.