Severe porn addiction & fricked up big time

This will probably be really gross so please just hide this thread if this is uncomfortable to read.

>religious
>grew up with a porn addiction, started around 12-13, 25 now
>struggled with it most my life
>only realized how harmful it actually is maybe 4 years ago
>but I have it real fricking bad
>set up an appointment with a therapist close to a week ago for help
>relapsed a bit after and went into a three day porn-obsessed stupor with zero self-control
>in the past three days I sent a dom a few hundred dollars to send me toys, booted up all my accounts, etc.
>ejaculated
>panic mode as I snap out of it
>the money is already over and she's persistent on sending me shit

Before you call me a moron, that Im beyond help, that Im just fricked up and should kms, believe me I hate myself more than you ever could. Im setting up an appointment with a shrink to help me because at this point I do not trust myself at all. I genuinely feel like I have two personalities in me and the addicted one just takes over and I have no self-control.

Idk if I can get my money back. Either way Im deleting everything again. Frick this man. I cant do this anymore. Why the frick do I have to be like this

CRIME Shirt $21.68

Tip Your Landlord Shirt $21.68

CRIME Shirt $21.68

  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Well on the plus side it looks like Im getting my money back. But the shame's never going away

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I dunno man, sounds fun.
      Just enjoy it.

      Kek, the poor sex worker
      To me it makes more sense to spend it on cooming than spending it all on horses or poker tbqh

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Id actually rather save it so I can one day afford a home half a decade later when the housing market becomes 10% more affordable

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Unfortunately, it would seem I spoke too soon and I am not getting my money back. Saw this coming, so Im not in kms mode, and I have an alright job and money saved up so Im not taking a big hit to my savings or anything.
      Still, thats money down the drain.
      Lesson learned, never goon, never let your libido control your wallet. Hopefully someone into porn sees this thread and avoids my mistakes or decides to get out of it entirely. Laugh at me, be disgusted by me, Im owning up to it. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >religious
        Mind virus just like pornography is. This gives you shitty operational code designed to offload agency and place blame on metaphysical actors and worsens how you feel by guilt. Religion will not help you quit porn. It actually will make you a porn addict for the rest of your life.

        More pathetic than a heroin addict. I would rather inject some h than ever simp out money for le pee pee amusement. There is nothing more disgraceful than being a slave to cooming.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Hey Anon. It's

        >pretend as if the person you love most in the world is suffering through what you are.
        That actually hit me strongly.
        Thank you

        again.

        Just came to check up on you.

        Honestly I feel like NSFFW is a pretty toxic place to vent about this and I'm afraid it's making you more likely to relapse after hearing replies like

        >religious
        Mind virus just like pornography is. This gives you shitty operational code designed to offload agency and place blame on metaphysical actors and worsens how you feel by guilt. Religion will not help you quit porn. It actually will make you a porn addict for the rest of your life.

        More pathetic than a heroin addict. I would rather inject some h than ever simp out money for le pee pee amusement. There is nothing more disgraceful than being a slave to cooming.

        that only re-enforce the cycle of shame.

        You're not disgusting for compulsively watching porn. It's a near trillion-dollar industry. There are people who have devoted their entire careers to making porn more accessible and more addicting. And oftentime gooners tend to incorporate this fact into their kink. Maybe parts of you even find it arousing, how out-gunned you are by this addiction. Even that's okay and that alone doesn't make you a horrible person.

        The fact that you do this compulsively tells me there's probably something deeper bothering you. I can't tell you what it is, but if you're lucky after a few weeks of therapy you'd be closer to finding out.

        You're not going to force yourself out of this hole from just willpower. You'll have to understand yourself, what happens during this addiction, what you gain from it. Relapsing is part of the journey and it's okay if it happens. Just use it as an opportunity to know yourself better. Try and practice mindfulness and self compassion as much as possible and take NSFFW with a grain of salt.

        Maybe by the end of the process you'll find out that your porn use isn't the problem you think it is and perhaps it's a symptom of something else. Or maybe there is a healthy way you can interact with porn in moderation. Either way, wishing you luck.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Cheers anon.
          It often feels like this site in general is really bad for quitting porn to how pervasive it is and how defensive coom posters get when criticism of it is brought up. NSFFW is practically unusable because of /trash/ crossposters and guys who just want to turn the board into nu /b/ but for vidya girls. Ive been trying to avoid the site more as a result, with a few threads here and the occasional peak on NSFFW and NSFFW being my only visits.
          Its hard enough to find people to talk about porn addiction with you that isn't just ridicule, disgust, or jeers; here its like people want you to get worse (and its an actual fetish for some)

          Theres this very strong voice or urge that just wants me to watch porn 24/7 or freak me out into watching porn. Almost every second of my day feels like my brain is going "Just don't watch porn", or, "I can't believe you watched porn," or, "Man, I really really need to watch porn." There is so much emphasis and so much weight on it that it feels like my every living moment resolves around the fact that I'm either watching or not watching porn and being stressed because of it.

          you've tried easy peasy yeah anon?

          Ive read it twice already and went back to read snippets of the book here and there. I dont know, maybe it hasnt clicked for me. I know the nature of porn, that it does nothing for me, that Im satisfying a withdrawal pang/urge rather than a desire, etc. But my body's still like, "FRICK, I NEED THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW!!" I dont know how to remove that.

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Delete all of your accounts and put a filter on your computer. Go out for long walks in public so you have no access to this shit. Disable your card so you don’t buy anything else. Put your phone/laptop on the other side of your room from your bed/furniture.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The panic's starting to subside now that I'm clearing everything out. I feel a lot better about myself. I have a life outside this, I have my own responsibilities and goals, this doesn't have to be my future. I just can't fall into this ever again.

      >Delete all of your accounts and put a filter on your computer
      About done, leaving twitter open temporarily until the money thing is finished. Everything else should all be gone
      >put a filter on your computer
      There's a browser extension I installed for blacklisting sites that works really nicely. Not sure if I should go beyond that
      >Go out for long walks in public so you have no access to this shit.
      Will do. Running, walking the dogs, yardwork, etc.
      >Disable your card so you don't buy anything else.
      Can't since I need the card. I wonder if theres a way to setup restrictions though.
      >Put your phone/laptop on the other side of your room from your bed/furniture.
      Probably for the best. Hard to do since even when Im not relapsing I have people to talk to/videos to watch or whatever else. But anything to get myself off this

      My guy I've been having an issue with masturbation but never I'd even -consider- wasting money on it.

      The therapist is a good idea, try to keep going.
      Eventually you'll figure it out.
      It's as bad as any other drug, and just as hard to quit. But you can do it.

      And remember that you hate the porn addicted you, but not yourself. Once you figure out why he is the way he is you'll have to find reason to forgive him and then move on.

      The money started close to a year ago now. Its that bad.
      Thank you for your words anon

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I don’t want to make you complacent but as bad as buying shit is. You could be in a far worse position

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I could be. Im very grateful Im out of it. But it doesnt change how bad it got

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Regarding the shame/guilt: If you truly believe that what you did is wrong, the memory will always be unpleasant.

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    My guy I've been having an issue with masturbation but never I'd even -consider- wasting money on it.

    The therapist is a good idea, try to keep going.
    Eventually you'll figure it out.
    It's as bad as any other drug, and just as hard to quit. But you can do it.

    And remember that you hate the porn addicted you, but not yourself. Once you figure out why he is the way he is you'll have to find reason to forgive him and then move on.

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >believe me I hate myself more than you ever could

    Shame and self hatred are addiction fuel.

    The mechanism of an addfiction is to numb your feelings. Don't shy away from feeling how you feel, but don't hop to judge these feelings as good or bad.

    Once you remove the shame/guilt, you're able to finally understand the addiction and it'll naturally lose more power as you become aware about what's happening in your mind.

    Do it all from a sense of love and compassion for yourself, pretend as if the person you love most in the world is suffering through what you are.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >pretend as if the person you love most in the world is suffering through what you are.
      That actually hit me strongly.
      Thank you

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you've tried easy peasy yeah anon?

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Porn addiction is easily fixed by choosing what arouses you and then jerking off with your imagination, rather than with porn.
    Do the obvious solution.

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Go to a fetish site and expose yourself to the most disgusting stuff e.g. vomit porn, blood, scat, gay male vomit etc. and shock your body out of watching porn.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Maybe you could try blocking x websites with an app of some sort and typing gibberish as a password while looking away so that you can't access it.

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I tried paying a girl to lick her feet and nothing more. She blocked me. It was probably some Indian pretend to be a female escort. Oh well I’m going to die without ever having white female feet on my face.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If you want to stop this then please check out this YouTube channel, it's an absolute goldmine.

    https://www.youtube.com/@Jay-Quit-PMO/videos

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Pop an SSRI

    I don't even think about sex or porn at all anymore.

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    put jpg* png* webm* in the filter for the porn boards. I just found this today after crying due to breaking my 2 week straight nofap. spread the news GOD BLESS BROS

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I pity you OP, not in a disrespectful manor either. That is a hard thing to kick. Find a mentor as well, there are apps for good peeps to give some trust to. If you're apprehensive, look for ones that are anonymized or ask for just a first name and phone number. You can kick the addiction but it wont be easy!

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