Sex life in my marriage is dead. Last year we did it 5 times. So far, we've done it twice this year. I was always very active sexually and communicated this to my husband, who made a series of promises he didn't keep. He keeps coming up with excuses. It was never good to begin with but I was naïve. I admit this is my fault for believing things would change.
I honestly don't know what to do because I'm VERY frustrated. I jerk off at least three times every day and can't stop thinking about it if I don't do it. I'm seriously considering taking some sort of medication to kill my libido. Am I overreacting? I talk to friends who've been in relationships for far longer and this doesn't seem to be the normal. I really don't know what to do.
We're both in our early 30s and he was a virgin before we met. His first excuse was "I thought sex would be amazing but it's kind of a hassle".
Post pics of your body
Most recent picture I got. I'm the one on the left. For reference, I'm 5'3", fluctuate between 53 and 57 kg and normally wear sizes S or M.
I'll frick you good and hard if your husband won't. Damn.
DO NOT post pics of yourself just because some stranger tells you to
Nah don't listen to this gay, post more pics OP. You're kinda hot.
If I were your husband I'd bang the one on the right.
Are you sure he isn't gay?
>hot sexually frustrated housewives in your area
This:
>His first excuse was "I thought sex would be amazing but it's kind of a hassle".
Assuming that this is not a fake story, this type of thing is kind of mean to say. Your husband might be a sperg. Is he considerate of you in other respects?
It might be worth sitting him down and telling him that this is very important for you, or else, I guess you could try nagging him. But if he's not receptive, it'd be hard. I don't imagine an open relationship is in the cards, so you may have to either just cope with it, leave him, or I guess try to use up/suppress your libido in some manner. Sucks though. Sorry to hear this.
He's actually really supportive and kind. He's always checking on me and taking care of me and he's big on physical affection (a lot more than I am). I feel really lucky to have found such a great partner, but the lack of sex really kills me.
I've tried talking to him about it somewhat often and he always takes it badly. The way the conversation goes is, I bring up the topic and he gets instantly defensive, then I spend a good chunk of time trying to help him calm down and come back to the conversation. At this point and then he starts bringing up excuses and making empty promises. Popular excuses have been "I guess I just don't like sex", "I think I have low testosterone", "I'm not in the mood for it", "Don't you think sex is a waste of time?".
Some of his comments about it really hurt my feelings. Last time we had the conversation, I asked him if he would feel comfortable having sex once a month, to which he replied "Sure, I'll do anything for your mental health". He has mentioned in the past that sex and thinking about sex is stupid, that only normies care about sex and that jerking off feels better while being more convenient.
Open relationship is a big no for him. I already brought it up but he's big on pair bonding.
Sounds to me like your bf is the mentally ill one, not you. These are not a fully sane person's opinions. If he just doesn't like sex or is asexual, that would make sense, but if he's jerking off and denying you sex, that's not right.
I don't know, sounds like a difficult situation. I wouldn't want to be in either of your positions. Duty sex sucks and no sex also sucks. If your bf does have a libido, he probably has some mental health hangups around sex that are causing this, but doesn't want to share what they are.
>"Sure, I'll do anything for your mental health"
This is really insensitive. I appreciate that you love your boyfriend, and I think it is good that you do, and that you have found a great relationship. But if he's as kind as you say he is, he must've realised what this would sound like. If he also jerk offs in his free time, I can find no other explanation besides him having some kind of trauma or mental illness that has to do with sex, for him to say something so mean. This defensive attitude and these harsh words, isn't that something that makes you less comfortable talking about this topic to him? If he doesn't even want to talk about this issue, he must have some kind of emotional or mental block that makes him so strongly averse to sex.
Just go into the shower with him and suck his dick.
>jerking off feels better while being more convenient.
are you making sex feel like a chore? do you make him use condoms? do you swallow? do you require a lot of foreplay?
Filthy moid here. Have you tried offering him a FFM?
He needs to go get his testosterone checked. He needs to work out and eat healthy, get good sleep
Go to a massage parlor and get those happy endings
I read the subject and didn’t expect you to be a woman. I still have my doubts but whatever. I am of course in a similar situation with my wife. My wife had one sexual partner prior to me and I had about 30 in a short period of time. We met in college at 20 and are now in our 30s with children. We rarely have sex anymore and it is starting to drive me crazy.
I jerk off at least once a day but usually more. I live where it gets cold so now the nice weather is coming and this drives me even more crazy as the young girls come out and dress scantily. I have held strong and we have a great marriage otherwise but I feel like I’m at my wits and miss having promiscuous sexual encounters to the bottom of my soul.
It’s even worse because I got really good at getting women in my youth and never forgot it. In addition to being fit and relatively handsome, I get regular attention from other women even when I’m holding my child in my arms. It’s getting difficult to cope so I feel your pain op.
Tbh, this is something that makes me feel even worse. I have male friends and hearing them talk about sex and wanting to have sex a lot more than their wives/gfs really makes me feel bad as a woman. It's just a bit frustrating hearing that women are not often in this predicament.
Our situations are indeed quite similar. My husband has only had sex with me. On the other hand, I had another long relationship and various sexual partners. I did some crazy stuff to explore my sexuality in my mid 20s and now I feel like I should have done more.
Btw, after we had sex a couple of times and he didn't seem to enjoy it, I tried to convince him to have sex with other people so he could have a better perspective of what the problem was, but he refused.
> if he's jerking off and denying you sex, that's not right.
I don't think he jerk offs a lot, but he definitely does. I ask him and sometimes he admits (he always says he only did it so he could fall asleep faster), sometimes he doesn't. I definitely find cum in the toilet/sink or in condoms/underwear/socks in the bedroom, so I know that he does it around once every week or two.
>isn't that something that makes you less comfortable talking about this topic to him?
Definitely. I used to talk about it a lot more in the past, but now I try to avoid it because it's really unpleasant. I think this is the main reason we have some sex - he can sense when I'm at my limit and "the conversation" is about to come up, so he gets on missionary before we fall asleep.
I'm also not very happy with the way we do it when we do it. It's always the same. We're in bed trying to sleep, and he will either rub me over my clothes/dry hump me if we're cuddling, and then straight to business. I don't want to complain too much, but it's just kind of the icing on the cake. I often joke that if I died in a tragic accident and only my genitals were left, he wouldn't be able to identify my body.
What is his weight and height, and general level of fitness?
What is the status of the rest of your relationship? Do you both work, who does chores, is there any nagging in either direction or non-sexual issues that came up?
He's 5'11" and around 75kg. He hates physical exercise and he doesn't work out, but he's overall healthy.
Everything else in the relationship is fine. We have fun and spend lots of time together. We had some communication issues in the past because we come from very different backgrounds but we're handling them pretty well now. We had some financial struggles but we're in a better place now as well. We both work from home, but he takes his job a lot more seriously than I do. We both earn about the same. We're both lazy but we divide the chores (he handles the household finances and does the cooking, dishes, garbage disposal, etc and I do the laundry, fixing things around the house & gardening, tidying up, driving and errands and anything that involves paperwork).
There is some nagging - I nag him when he's careless about things at home or when he refuses to leave the house, and he nags me when I talk about wanting to buy something. We also sometimes argue about food (we're still struggling to find dishes that work for both of us).
>my husband
>Last year we did it 5 times
are you sure the guy you married is not gay? I'm not even joking, he might be gay...
is he christian or some shit?
>I jerk off at least three times every day and can't stop thinking about it if I don't do it
damn... why do I never find women like you? my last gf wanted sex once a month and it fricking sucked. you on the other hand jerk off every day... I'd grab you from behind and frick you in the kitchen, the table, the bed, any fricking where.
anyway, if you want to try to help him, have you tried getting him to do sports or something? shit like tennis or fitness training or something.
>He hates physical exercise and he doesn't work out, but he's overall healthy
hmm...
your husband clearly has some weird problem with your appearance or something IMO. or maybe he's actually gay. even if his job is too stressful, this is weird as frick, very far from normal.
also, he might have some child trauma or something... like super religious parents or something. an idea would be to get him to do therapy or whatever.
how did literally no one else in this thread mention that the husband might be gay??
>how did literally no one else in this thread mention that the husband might be gay??
Because it is stupid as frick? A modern man can afford to actually frick other men if he is gay. He wont get murdered or ostracised for that. Why is it so hard for some men to grasp that other men are different people than they are and may have different libido? You are not an "exemplary human male", dude.
not everywhere, not in all social or economic classes, might not be convenient for him to do so at this point, he might not want to admit it to himself... there can be a lot of reasons not to admit being gay, and we know literally nothing about the background of the op and her husband.
>you must be overcome with lust for your wife or you are gay.
Are you sure you're not just a coomer?
are you sure you are not mentally ill? I don't even have a high libido, yet I'd definitely have sex at least once a month, and Id get horny even if she was as close as a sister. I can't imagine a man not wanting sex... such a MAN definitely has issues or reasons.
This post explains my primary motivations
Besides. If I ever get married i would likely be over thirty and women look so much worse after 25. I missed the bus, so celibacy is preferable
>hates physical exercise, cooks
your relationship is depolarized or reverse polarity
you are the man of the relationship sexually, read advice for men in dead bedrooms
>it feels bad that women aren’t in this predicament
Yeah it’s pretty odd tbh but it happens clearly kek. It’s a lonely life to live as a man but I almost expected it because she never matched my sexual energy and older men would tell me regularly get ready for no more sex after kids. I would imagine it would be hard for a younger woman like yourself to go through this. You just feel unattractive when your partner doesn’t want to do anything sexual and it gets exponentially worse when you try to express your feelings and they don’t hear you at all. This is the one person who you are supposed to talk about everything with and they don’t hear you at all and even disregard your problem. It’s depressing.
>I did some crazy stuff in my 20s
I hope not too crazy lol but likewise. I never did anything too crazy. I’ve had sex with multiple girls in a night have had a threesome with 2 girls. The funny part is that I’m an extremely vanilla sex haver. I of course married my wife because she was extremely chaste but obviously knew our sexual energy wasn’t going to match but I knew this going in and I was used to no women matching me ever anyway.
>I tried to convince him to have sex with other people but he refused
That’s pretty incredible. I couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone but my wife but some times I do reminisce about the bawds I used to frick and miss them from time to time. You really wouldn’t have cared if he had sex with other women? You must have a pretty crazy sexual past.
>I hope not too crazy lol
I wouldn't say it's too crazy. 2/3 of my sex partners were women and most of the stuff I did involved threesomes or foursomes but the act itself was pretty standard and vanilla other than that. I met a girl in college who was into that stuff and I joined her to try it out. Most of all of it involved my then boyfriend who was happy to do it together. I have never done stuff like DP, for example (which I now regret tbqh).
>You really wouldn’t have cared if he had sex with other women?
It's not that I wanted him to frick a bunch of other women, but I thought it would be good for him (and, by extension, for us) if he got some perspective on sex and found out what he likes. What if I am the problem? He would never know if I'm his sole sexual partner. I thought he deserved to at least try and see how he feels with a different person. Especially because he waited so long to lose his virginity with "the right person" and now he's disappointed, so I felt pretty bad.
>2/3 sex partners were women
>involved threesomes and foursomes
So you were kind of lezzing out but had a bf? Also the math doesn’t add up on that. But I feel that. Overall it was pretty vanilla at least as vanilla as a something some can get lol.
>regret not dping
You’re probably better off. I don’t regret my past but I am capable of totally acknowledging that my past sexual experiences didnt do me any favors for my near sexless marriage. Like you, I do have regrets of not doing more sadly.
>what if I’m the problem?
I don’t think you’re the problem at all and it’s also not that you guys are incompatible. It’s just that you have different sexual energies. That’s all there is to it. Before the modern era most people never considered this because it wasn’t something to consider as you were losing your virginity to your spouse. Now it’s different but doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing at all or that you can’t make it work. You said he jerks off like once a week?
>he waited so long for the right person and now he’s disappointed
How long did he wait to have sex? This is pretty common for people who retain their virginity these days as everyone around them is having copious amounts of sex so they regularly heard how great it was. He just got too used to his own hand after so long of not feeling the amazing warmth of a real vegana
>How long did he wait to have sex?
27 years
>are you sure the guy you married is not gay?>is he christian or some shit?
I asked him about the gay thing and he really is not gay. He's very open about his sexuality and the stuff he likes/doesn't/is willing to try, but according to him he's just not that much into sex, but he will do it "for me". He's not religious either. He's just really weird. His friends are hardcore catholics and he has some weird ideas about women and sex. But then also he will say they don't apply to our relationship, so I don't know.
>you are the man of the relationship sexually
We do talk about this sometimes, because literally every piece of advice/experience we get from friends or family makes it clear that I have the issues husbands have, and he has the issues wives have.
>try st. johns wort.
Isn's this a supplement for depression and ADHD? I don't think he fits any of those.
>That sounds like dogshit, you can't reason this man into having a libido. As an outsider seems worthy of breaking up
It's pretty hard for me because literally every other aspect of our relationship is perfect. We're a great team overall and I love him a lot. It would suck if the relationship died because of sex, which is why I often think about doing something to kill my libido.
I am going to kill myself
t. not your husband
>cum in the sink
lolwat
I don't know anon, this seems really depressing. I don't really know what to advise you, but I know that it is not right for him to treat you like this.
>Have you tried telling him that you'd consider breaking up with him over this?
That's kind of the nuclear option though, OP would have to actually be ready to break up in that case.
>I'm also not very happy with the way we do it when we do it. It's always the same.
Maybe this is part of the problem for him too. It sounds boring for both of you. What if you try a BJ to get him in the mood? And then suggest different positions to him? Get on top of him?
Good points, OP are you vocal in bed? Guys like to know that they're making you feel good. The louder the better
>cum in the sink
How high is this sink? If it's not at waste level then he's gaslighting you and you should confront him about his "low testosterone" excuses. I get full erections every morning and night and generally have a very healthy libido, but not once have I ever sprayed that much cum.
You need to make a mental list of all these cum artifacts you've found and confront him about it. If he gets defensive don't back down and comfort him. Make him tell you what's really going on or demand you both go to therapy.
My guess is he is afraid to admit to you he's not attracted to you anymore. If this is the case it's understandable for a couple that's been together for so long. If he confesses this suggest expirementing (like roleplay, doing different fetish things, ect).
is he low testosterone
He got tested a while ago and his levels were normal.
give him a bj it will wake his little guy up
Have you tried telling him that you'd consider breaking up with him over this? Or that it's not sustainable? Doesn't seem like he understands how important this is
I have in the past, and then he says "he will try to do it more often", but he doesn't actually want to. I can tell it's a chore for him and that makes me feel awful.
The last time we did it, I was so in my head about it that I couldn't enjoy it at all. It started being really painful and tight and he couldn't even put it back in. We had to quit in the middle. I offered to help him finish but he declined.
That sounds like dogshit, you can't reason this man into having a libido. As an outsider seems worthy of breaking up
Lurk more pleb
>you can't reason this man into having a libido
she could wear very short skirts, see-through tops and similar stuff, though
Are you a virgin?
Amazing how many people are overlooking this 10 ton Elephant in the room
think about this:
a man posts an anime and pretends to be female asking for sex advice
anyways: try st. johns wort.
its the only supplement that i would take besides choline for pregnant women and protein powder i guess
Im sure other people have given you decent adv, but imma just go straight to the point: go to therapy, go to couples therapy, and if he doesn't change (sex is important for a marriage) or if yall dont fix your and or his unhappiness, yall might have to separate
Do you have any experience with couple's therapy? I'm very skeptical about it but I'm willing to give it a go if he's ok with trying.
>I help her jerk off both manually and with toys. She finds it hot and I don't have to worry about being pressured into sex
This is my fear with him, that he fricks me just because he feels pressured to. It makes me feel like shit but, to him, it's an act of love. He's offered to help me and get me toys/learn more about how I do it, but I find it very embarrasing tbh. I did try yesterday after reading the comments and we ended up having sex, so it was alright I guess. I did feel terrible afterwards, as if I had tricked him.
>You gotta be more b***hy and add spice.
I've tried this as well. He find it charming and cute, but not a turn on.
We're from different countries but both our backgrounds are 100% ok with this. If he was gay, he would have no problem living life openly as a gay man. He often says he wishes he was gay because women are a hassle.
Many of these are reasons why I could eventually give up as well. It concerns me that the lack of sex could eventually drive us into being just room mates and killing our feelings.
In our case, I'm the only initiator 99% of the time. At the beginning, I'd jump on him pretty often, get skimpy lingerie, etc and he'd run away or complain, or he'd just plan laugh and say I was tickling him. That made me cut down on the advances a lot. I also never got lingerie again (I did get some for our wedding night, but we didn't consumate until a week after that).
I like moving around in bed and I like a bit of violence, so this is lacking for me but he's happy with the way things are.
I'm in a similar position with my wife. I have a very low libido. I think we've had sex like 3 times in the past 2 years. She wants it but I don't. No she's not ugly or fat or a b***h or anything like that. She hasn't done anything wrong. We talked about it and we came up with a solution. I help her jerk off both manually and with toys. She finds it hot and I don't have to worry about being pressured into sex. When I do want to frick her, she lets me, but it's not very often. That's okay though because I'm still satisfying her sexual needs. Your husband will have to be secure in his masculinity though. Most men feel offended like you're attacking their manhood if you want to use toys.
Not op but still interested from male perspective on this
>I have a very low libido
Do you know why? Were you always this way? Im guessing you haven’t had too many sex partners or lost your virginity later?
>don’t have to worry about being pressured into sex
Why do you feel pressured to have sex? What is the burden?
I’m a man dealing with sexless wife. I couldn’t imagine being on the reverse end of this. My wife had our children which has been a primary factor in our sexlessness so but she was never the sexual type either due to only one prior sexual partner.
>Do you know why? Were you always this way? Im guessing you haven’t had too many sex partners or lost your virginity later?
I've never liked sex. I've only ever done it to please my partners.
>Why do you feel pressured to have sex? What is the burden?
Because I want to meet my wife's needs. I don't consider it a burden now though because I can satisfy her with toys.
>This is my fear with him, that he fricks me just because he feels pressured to. It makes me feel like shit but, to him, it's an act of love.
Well just don't pressure him and make sure he knows that you're okay if he never has sex with you again so long as he's willing to meet your needs using toys. Getting you off with toys isn't a huge ask. It's not really a sacrifice for him unless he's literally repulsed by sex/your body. Expecting him to have sex when he doesn't want to isn't fair but using toys is totally free of pressure.
>He's offered to help me and get me toys/learn more about how I do it, but I find it very embarrasing tbh.
Why is it embarrassing? Unless you're embarrassed for him for not being capable of satisfying you using his own equipment. Or maybe you're embarrassed that you have needs? Don't be. Are you embarrassed because you think you're unattractive? Don't be. Some people just don't have a high libido and it has nothing to do with how attractive you are.
>I did feel terrible afterwards, as if I had tricked him.
Communication is key. You have to make sure he doesn't feel pressured to have sex with you. Reassure him that you don't want to have sex with him unless he's into it and that you're okay if you never have sex again because you love him for him, not for the pleasure his body can bring you.
You have become a comforter for him. Where there is comfort there is no sex. This happens to everybody. You gotta be more b***hy and add spice.
lol if I got married this would be the same situation I am in. But that’s less due to low libido and more due to my religion not allowing contraception. Less sex means fewer kids
Assuming this whole thread isnt bait, I'll bite.
I was the guy in the relationship who just gave up on having sex. Here are my reasons why it died out.
> I'm the only initiator
Sex only happened because I'm the one that engages first.
> I put in all the effort
Most of the time, it's me throwing my back out, while she just lays there.
> The actual romance had died and we became more like room mates.
I would try to inject romance and she just thought it was corny and I was trying too hard.
> I'm a huge fan of vocal sex.
Moaning, dirty talk, all of it, I want to know what you want and how it's making you feel and she was mostly silent, except when she was reaaaally drunk.
> I have fetishes and kinks but she was vanilla.
No ropes, no toys, no roleplay or even sexy underwear.
Finally
> She couldn't make me cum
What's the point in going through all that, just to finish myself off.
Funny enough, a few years later I figured out that I'm demi sexual and need that connection, that intimacy. If it's dead, then so is my attraction.
She was with a few dudes after, but they all dropped her too, citing the bad sex.
I want with anyone for a while, but found someone on the same wavelength and me and sex is amazing.
Sometimes people just ain't sexually compatible and while the other aspects of my relationship with this girl was great, if the sex ain't there too, it's not worth sticking around because you can find someone that does both.
Good luck op.
> I thought sex would be amazing but it's kind of a hassle
Yeah, anon. I haven't had sex with my wife for at least a year.
I just can't be bothered. She's fat, ugly and I'm bored with her in bed anyway.
What I'm saying is, whether you are fat or ugly i dont know, but he's bored of you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that.
Honestly divorce is your best option, he'll get to bang someone else and you'll also get laid.
Is op still here?
I had a couple of rough days so I stayed away from PC. I'm still here though.
>Update - we had sex yesterday
For the past couple of days I've been bothering him more than usual about our sex life. When I bring it up, he gets very defensive and he leaves or we end up having an argument. In the end, I told him plain and straight that our sex life was dead and that our options to stay together at this point were to frick other people or therapy/taking meds. So we actually started talking about it.
I'm starting to see now maybe too much exposition to porn + waiting too long + his parents' relationship and the way he was brought up have more to do with him not wanting sex than me. He also hadn't had other gfs before so he has no experience with that's normal and what's not. The only advise he gets from his friends is that sex is for procreation.
He insists he loves me very much and doesn't have any problem with me, he's just not that much into sex so he's never in the mood, but if we get started he ends up wanting it. He asked me not to feel bad about just coming up to him and telling him "hey, I need you to frick me" because he'll happily do it to keep me happy/satisfied. He again offered to help me jerk off as well.
As I've mentioned before, I find it embarrasing but I went for it. He asked me if I wanted dick in the middle of it and I said no. He made me cum and then he fricked me anyway. It was nice and felt pretty good, but after he finished I started feeling like shit and cried like a dumb b***h. I felt like I had tricked him and took advantage of him.
Maybe I'm overthinking it and it won't feel bad after a while if this is the only way we'll have sex. Still, it doesn't make me feel like he wants me.
Your reaction is reasonable and as a guy I'd feel the same in your shoes. It's normal to want to feel desired and having to constantly ask for it or initiate it doesn't help. His friends sound cringe also
According to the Bible, in the context of marriage, a husband’s body is not his own, but belongs to his wife, and similarly, a wife’s body is not her own, but belongs to her husband. This is stated in 1 Corinthians 7:4, which says “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” This concept of mutual surrender and submission is emphasized throughout the chapter, with the goal of promoting harmony and unity in marriage.
It is his Christian duty to give you sex.
Given that your husband was a virgin and it sounds like you were a little promiscuous, do you think he sees you as less attractive given (what seems to be) his growing religiosity?
Is it possible that he sees you as impure and his attraction towards you is dying?
sex only for procreation isnt biblical
Glad you had sex with your husband. I also fricked the shit out of my wife the last couple of days with some thanks to this thread. I kind of shit down and accepted my fate after she gave birth. I got into a bad trend of jerking off too much. She doesn’t initiate sexually so I had no idea if she was ready. I just talked to her and she agreed so it was a great time. I know this is part of the cycle that won’t last too long but it’s nice to feel wanted.
No matter how much sex I have with my wife I will always and forever miss the degenerate bawds I fricked the shit out off.
In this situation I would genuinely be honest with your wife and not beat around the bush. My wife and I would get in some disputes after no sex for a month and I would probe her to the idea of a girlfriend. I knew she wasn’t going to want to do this but after so many conversations I felt it was the only way to get her to take me seriously plus I was also somewhat serious. It’s not right to not have sex with your spouse and I let her know that I was going to get sex with or without her.
Could he be submissive?
He might be addicted to porn. Busy splooging his seed to other women instead of you.
I would kms if my sex life was this dead with my partner, how do you guys do
coomer
I am also feeling this. I’m a married man. My wife doesn’t have sex much. We got through extended periods of not having sex but the reason for the change is because I say something. She changes a bit but then goes back to where we were before.
It’s just annoying, hurts, and makes me feel unattractive. I was a man prostitute and when we go through these times it just makes me miss my wild younger days
Just try cheating and get your fix from some young bull
How's your genitalia?
I mean sure you're taking care of your face, but what about down there?
Because many men find the lack of hygiene repulsive.
Also from you posts, you sound like a prude that only care about her pleasure, and he's a good guy and you're a good woman, so he's not filing for divorce.... yet.
monogamy is outdated
I used to be like your husband because I had a porn addiction.
From what you say there’s a big chance he also is. There’s no way he can have a normal sexual relationship if he is fapping to porn when you’re not around.
He must want to get over this addiction otherwise it won’t work. I made the conscious decision to quit but it was only possible because my wife jumps on me whenever I’m hard now.
Slowly I’m healing
Reading your post is me and my wife.
We consummated our marriage after 3 months, I have very high sex drive, and want to do a lot of things.
While she says she wants sex as well, when it comes time to actually do the deed she would kill the mood by pushing me off or crying, or straight out just going to the bathroom and staying there.
Or one time she just said she can't get off now because of her hormones, or because I'm not doing it the way she wants.
It's been 8 months since we last had sex, for 4 months I kept trying to get her into sex mode by robing her clit and going down on her until she cums, then she would reject my advances because she's too sensitive.
I've stopped trying because my dignity as a man, And was sick of being treated as human vibrator and sleeping with blue balls.
She keeps projecting he issues on me for not trying hard enough with her.
I don't know what to try else, since I tried everything (Sex toys, lube, massage oil,etc)
At this point I'm a celibate, because I don't give a frick.
Talk to her more about it. Otherwise leave.
anon... that sounds like she has some kind of trauma to me (I'm no psychologist, though). maybe go to therapy with her or something.
though it might be the difference in libido and that she feels "forced" to the act
Ask him to go to marriage counseling. If he refuses, go alone and let him know you are because this is important for you.
At counseling you will learn how to (a) change the situation, (b) live with the situation or (c) leave the situation.
>How can he be bored of me? We haven't been living together for that long and we haven't had much sex.
Coolidge effect.
It affects some men more, some less, but you've been together for several years and that's plenty of time for the effect to kick in. His sex drive is ready to move on to someone else.
Bitter medicine for these guys and others in this thread.
Incompatible marriage partners not vetted well enough before tying the knot is the problem here.
Face the problem.
Seek counseling, and if that is ineffective, seek divorce and be more intentional with your romantic partners in the future.
I'm probably out of my league to give advice for this as I have no fricking experience in this field... But if he's jerking off weekly but still doesn't want sex, why don't you ask to watch him jerk off or jerk off together?
Actually pretty big brain move right there. Can't possibly make it worse.
You now understand why people have affairs.
he’s addicted to porn. vag doesn’t feel good when you’ve conditioned yourself to your hand and some specific kink/fetish via monitor
only way he’ll change is if you threaten to leave. likely you’ll have to take action on that threat before he capitulates, but porn is a serious condition
he also sounds like a loser that posts here. id find a man that wants kids and get to work
Depression kills libido, is everything right with him?
Try pegging him. I'm serious.
Just cheat.
"That's awful! You're a terrible person"
Oh I'm the terrible person? Yeah okay. You're the person who suffers not getting the things you want out of life day in and day out. People with bad relationships and dead bedrooms stay in this shit for far too long because they always rationalize that the other components of the relationship make up for what they're missing but it's just not true. You're just scared of having to make a decision and the possibility of being alone.
So cheat. I know you don't have the courage to use your adult words and communicate or break up with him, so cheat. Maybe he finds out and saves you the trouble of having to make a decision for once in your goddamn life or maybe he never finds out and you get your cake and eat it too
This right here. If everything OP said is true, you aren't at fault here. He cannot act surprised after finding out either.
because women are boring and frotting rules
>I've offered to watch together but it didn't go that well. He feels it's disrespectful to me.
This is it right here, and just as I was suspecting. It sounds like a classic Madonna prostitute complex. Given some other hints in this thread it sounds like he might be hiding a porn addiction, and can only get off to bawds. He has designated you has his madonna/good girl that he respects and loves, but can't associate sexual feelings with. Again, I'd look more into the Madonna prostitute complex if you haven't already, and confront him more openly about a potential porn addiction
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear OP, but not everyone went through the sexual liberation. There's still a sizable portion of the population that was raised to think that sex should be done only in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation. Then you have your eternal porn-brain folks who would rather just jerk off because its easier and caters to their specific fetishes, and isn't as heavily stigmatized and wrapped up in stress as actual sex. I am male, and had a similar experience to your boyfriend - I thought it would be amazing but it was kind of a hassle. Its not anything that my partner did wrong, and its not that we didn't try hard. But societal guilt can't always just be willed away, good and decent people have a tendancy to care deeply about the norms and rules to which they were accustomed growing up, whether they want to or not.
For me, its a combination of a lot of things - the shame that comes with being brought up in a staunch Christian environment and turning my back on those teachings. The fear of the current political climate between men and women, the fact that porn offers me a lot more for a lot less effort in an entirely private environment where I can enjoy myself without fear and shame. And the list goes on. In the end its just not worth it to me for a variety of reasons, and I don't particularly want kids or a long-term relationship since those things are a drag on my lifestyle. I just want stability and some good company, and I've got those now, that's all.
I can't say that your boyfriend is the same but the first step to understanding is always communication. Have you tried asking him if indulging his kinks a little, or perhaps a little cosplay? Something to liven things up so that it feels more like a treat and less like a hassle, in the hopes that he will loosen up a bit and feel more comfortable. Gotta say, I'd kill for a lady who would cosplay some of my favorite characters just for me.
Hopefully you already found an answer. I only read halfway.
I had this problem with my ex from the guy's perspective.
I couldn't figure it out at the time but looking back I think I get it now.
For me it was a combination of sexual trauma, sperg, and that my ex wasn't very... nice.
She was a nice person but when she went without sex she would be grumpy and start fights, make my life difficult.
Which made me really turned off by her. So the problem got worse.
But the biggest problem was I started avoiding sex in the first place because It was really one sided.
I couldn't "rock her world" everyday for 3 years, and I was out of tricks.
So sex from my side became like a workout.
I wasn't in the mood but I would get her off and just pretend I came so I could finally go to bed.
Eventually we broke up and I stayed on a friends couch for a week.
When I came back to get my stuff I fricked her one more time and it was great.
She asked me "Why couldn't you just do that before?"
The answer is, It was just too much pressure.
Maybe he needs a vacation, and less pressure.
I know it's something you need but the bigger you're need, the more pressure he feels.
If he's avoidant and doesn't know what to do, he will just pretend like the problem doesn't exist because he has no solution.
And if he's a sperg he's just gonna retreat into dioramas.