So I have been dating a lot since my break-up and out of all the girls I have met two of them are absolutely incredible and perfect but for vastly different reasons.
I have been torturing myself the last two weeks over deciding on which one to commit to but then I thought "Wait, why not both?"
Does anyone have any experience with this? They both like me a lot and I think there is an above 50% that I could successfully orchestrate this.
Thanks in advance. Just one of those Icarus situations yk?
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Terrible idea. Just pick one and roll with it. I've been into two for a while, but I picked one over the other because:
1. She has more experience raising kids
2. She's mature and doesn't gossip or spread false rumors
3. She doesn't seek attention from everyone
Ask yourself which one shares your values more, and go with her. If you go for both you will lose both.
What makes it a terrible idea? I would be committed to both.
I swear to god I feel in love with both of them
You're probably lying and you spread false rumors too
??
Just go for one, follow your heart
Yeah, go for both. Lie and cheat as much as necessary to keep it going. The three of you will then end up with exactly what you deserve.
I would be honest with them about everything
You must choose ONE you idiot, or you'll ruin everything.
I'd say choose based on personality, the one you're more in tune with. Looks are secondary.
Must I though? I am not talking about going behind their backs with this I am proposing bigamy
>I am proposing bigamy
If they're decent human beings with a sense of dignity, they'll refuse and you'll lose them both.
GL
Well let's assume that they are both into being in a committed relationship with me, what would be the best way to brooch the subject?
What do you mean by "commit"? If you're thinking menage a trois, forget it. If you're thinking "date each of them for a while" that's fine as long as they both know about it.
"Going steady" is not the only legitimate dating model. To have one gf you go to the opera with and another you play tennis with is perfectly normal - as long as everyone knows what's going on (and they have the same freedom)
I am proposing menage a trois. I want everyone to be informed of this and I would be equally committed to both and build a life with them. Why should I forget it?
You will have my time
>Wait, why not both?
Terrible idea. When you have leverage (they love you more than you do, they chase you, you maintain attraction, you dont make mistakes) women will tolerate you have other women. Untill they get your commitment. Then you start losing leverage, because in her mind she has you, the next step is only marriage or break up. She wins if she gets either. But at the same time you having other women is huge pretence to dump you, because her family and girlfriends will nag her to leave your abusive ass. And she is discussing the small details with them
So: commitment drops desire, turning you seeing other women into time bomb
On the other hand, if you dont commit, and just say that you want to see where it is going they will compete for you. Untill their social support group convince them you are a cheater and abusive garbage. This situation is more long lived than commitment, because technically you are not cheating and commitment is somewhere in the reach
Truth is, if you date two of them without commitment you will get maximum sex, desire, love and affection from both. But it wont last long, you will get attached, heart broken and they will ghost you because you will also break their hearts. Some love men who could cheat, but actual cheating triggers their low self esteem fear of abandonment and insecurities
>two of them are absolutely incredible and perfect
Conclusion. Dont be greedy, pick one, friendzone another to date laster. I made a mistake doing what you want to do and it was very fun and exciting, but after crashing they dont even want to talk to me feeling that they got used, tricked and abused. Which is not true, but for a woman how she feels is what truth is. I regret that decision
>Which is not true
To clarify, both knew the arrangement clearly before agreeing to it, they craved a taken man. But they made that choice based on a feeling at the moment, and after that feeling changed, reality to them changed and they got devastated
Well to be clear, (and btw thank you for your incredibly salient and insightful breakdown of the dynamics) I am not talking about just "living it up and experimenting" I am talking about building a life with them both (and they eachother) I am talking children, marriage the whole enchilada. I mean, mormons do this don't they?
Anakin, no, bad. You are setting up a challenge that is impossible to win
Relationship is desire killer, marriage is even worse. Because the only development for the marriage is a divorce, there is no other step. And they always win a divorce
So you want two wives. Oh boy. So now you have two women with no competition anxiety (they are already married) who want to feel special. So either you invest 50/50 and both are unhappy, or 51/49 one is super unhappy and exits. The one who didnt exit, instinctively sees you are deselected by another woman, and exits also. Women are very sensitive to that
Plus, marriage is the hardest game of all, and you want to play two of those at the same time. So, twice the listening, twice the providing, twice the dating and romancing, twice the vacationing, twice the attention, validation, problem solving, twice the shit tests, twice the craziness, twice the pms (if they live together they will synchronise periods), twice the boundaries push, twice the relatives and their problems, twice the sexual needs you will have to cover
What do you even get out of that mess? A little bit more sex? Variety? Attention? Get a side lover
Plus this shit is super unstable because women are social creatures with huge conformism. They will be ashamed of this arrangement with their gfs, parents, relatives and coworkers, because when you say it it sounds like cheating and abuse
And if you will have children thats abysmal, we are very sensitive to upbringing, and having two mothers, siblings but not really, will raise your daughters to be chad chasing monkey branching prostitutes, and your sons to be unhappy one night stand players. That is even if you will be able to make it work long enough to make children, will have infinite time to raise them and not end in divorce and daddy issues kids
And of you get divorced, you will get twice the legal fees, money loss, child support and all
Dont look at mormons, they are crazy
You do make a lot of good points. I will have to think this over much more seriously
Well yeah, I already met "the one" and was madly in love and that ended so what am I meant to do? Hold out on the slim chance that I will fall in love again? That is a losing game. Falling in love is comparable to winning the lottery. I figure if I can't fall in love with one person then growing to love to seems like an equitable exchange rate, right?
*growing to love two
>Well yeah, I already met "the one" and was madly in love and that ended so what am I meant to do? Hold out on the slim chance that I will fall in love again? That is a losing game. Falling in love is comparable to winning the lottery. I figure if I can't fall in love with one person then growing to love to seems like an equitable exchange rate, right?
No.. I don't necessarily agree. This all reads like a post hoc justification for something you've already decided to do tbh
What do you disagree with exactly?
>Falling in love is comparable to winning the lottery.
youre definitely still hurt by the breakup. it'll come around again
Falling in love is more skill issue than luck.
>Falling in love is more skill issue than luck.
Oh c'mon don't lie to him
>Falling in love is more skill issue than luck.
Elaborate
okay it's like.
You construct your life so that you can be around other people and find people you genuiely want to get to know.
Eventually somewhere in there will be a woman you could care about.
You have to be brave through all of this, and create chances to let someone be close to you.
Once there is a someone, love becomes something you can cultivate. Choose to spend time with her, choose to try and keep trying.
That's love. Finding the open door is chance, but everything else is you (and her).
>Once there is a someone, love becomes something you can cultivate
Wrong this is known as "fondness" AKA Cope-love. Either you fall in love in the first five minutes of meeting MAX or it ain't it and if it ain't it then there is no shame in that because again, true love is rare. Cultivated "love" is a dime a dozen
OP shouldn't listen to that anon. Mormons make it work and this is how. Multi wives make the house work almost independent of the man (if it wasn't for his need to provide an income). They begin to bond like sisters and will displine eachother for neurotic behavior like big sisters to little sisters.
Their bonds with eachother also prevent them from leaving as they now not only need to break it off with you to divorce but also say goodbye to her sister wives.
OP obviously sounds like a dumbass who does need to think this all over before making a rash decision, but regardless polygamy is the natural state of man.
>OP obviously sounds like a dumbass who does need to think this all over before making a rash decision, but regardless polygamy is the natural state of man.
Teach me!
I think you are overestimating how long op will be able to pull this off. Women pick up on this shit way faster than guys do. His problem is lack of detachment. He doesn't want to commit to either one because he's attached to the idea of them he has, which is super fricking dangerous.
OP just go with one. Don't idolize her. Realize that if shit goes absolutely wrong it could have happened either way you went about it.
>OP just go with one. Don't idolize her. Realize that if shit goes absolutely wrong it could have happened either way you went about it.
I don't understand why though? Most people just choose someone reliable and adequate and then run with that until they get divorced. Why shouldn't I try and do that twice? What's the difference?
It's possible I had a 7-8yr relationship with two girls but they liked eachother a lot as well so that is really the main thing
*each other
I've been in this situation a few times and I always lost both girls. I don't like the idea of choosing between two people like I'm comparing items on Amazon anyways. I think getting stuck in such a dilemma is good evidence that neither is "the One"
https://www.girlschase.com/articles/polygyny
You don't have the pimp hand to run an open harem yet. Trilema.com has info about the lifestyle, but good luck finding anything useful from the maze of posts.
I hate to advertise but please help
Go to the hospital moron and frick off being a thread-parasite
A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, you got damn moron.
What are two birds in the hand worth though? Four in the bush. So stay on topic mr.idiom
The real reason you shouldn't do this is that you will be resented by all other men you encounter including the friends that you have now
Most people can't even get a gf in general and you want two?
I mean just lookk at the responses itt and times that by a thousand
>"Wait, why not both?"
successful men have multiplate dating options, yes and is expected of by attractive women. They would be weirded out if they don't have to fend off other women.
>Does anyone have any experience with this?
yes, me. Just be open about it. Don't hide it- despite what haters will call you. Just be about your own success.
>deciding on which one to commit to
there is no real "commitment" these days. Learn that once a guy fully gives into a woman that's when she will be turned off. You need to have the sense that you are willing to leave women if they stopped being what you are looking for. If women don't have to win you over anymore, they lose interest rather quickly. That's why you always need to have "a rotation" as it is called today. Have a list of women you can date. But always be about your life. There is no women getting in the way of your goals.
To be clear: I want to commit just to both
Ask each of them if they also like girls or could imagine trying something with a girl. Then suggest it to the girl you are less interested in first. If she declines or gets the ick you don't lose as much but still have a backup. If she declines do not bring it up again to the other girl.
No point in having two non-bi girls in a relationship with you alone unless you are a mudslime and can do honor killings and other low shit.
But if they like each other too and (unlikely but possible) the scale never tips against any of you you might pull it off.
Now your turn, where did you meet that many girls anyways? I got my gf to agree to try a threeway but have no clue where to pull girls from.
That's actually pretty solid advice, thank you!
>Now your turn, where did you meet that many girls anyways?
Dating apps, cafes, museums and best of all the library. Making art also helps take a lot of the work out of it since girls end up approaching you after shows and exhibitions etc. I would recommend library overall tbh
Thanks. You just talk them up about the books they are reading? Or has the library gone from a quiet place to retreat and read to a place to socialise?
>Making art also helps take a lot of the work out of it since girls end up approaching you after shows and exhibitions etc
Yeah not something I'll grind on lol. Approach you in a groupie-like sense or just genuine interest in your artwork?
>Or has the library gone from a quiet place to retreat and read to a place to socialise?
Yes, basically. Not completely but there are pockets of social space.
Op, how attractive are you? How well are you paid and how tall are you?
>Op, how attractive are you?
Physically? Around a 7 or 8. But I am very good with words.
How well are you paid and how tall are you?
I freelance, so it depends but as an average: 65k but this could chabge quite drastically in either direction. I am a hair over 5"10 so not very tall at all and I prefer women taller than me.
Yeah, I agree that what your trying to pull MIGHT work.personally, If these women your talking to are college educated, I wouldn't try. But if they aren't college educated, I'd give it a go.
It's going to depend on the attractiveness of the women and how many options they have, as well as how attractive they precieve you.
Let us know how it goes.
>If these women your talking to are college educated, I wouldn't try. But if they aren't college educated, I'd give it a go.
This is kind of a catch-22. It's the college educated women that love me.
You could probably spin plates as they say. College girls are honestly moronic that way.
But I wouldn't try it.
I am already spinning about eight plates. I want to settle down. Just me and my two girlfriends.
Give it a shot. I don't think you'll have anything to lose considering your options.
Sounds good to me. I just have to make sure that I am being honest about it.
>But I am very good with words
Give examples, there is no textbook things as far as I know, so I am curious to compare with my style. How do you flirt? What do you say during cold approach?
>What do you say during cold approach?
I usually say "how's it going?" and then I walk the dog with my yo-yo