Tease

I'm in a movie theater, and there are couples all around me. I want so badly to be in a relationship. But when I get the chance, I freak out.

When I was a freshman in high school, I fell head over heels for a guy who was amazing. I thought I loved him, & I probably did. But, we were never official. He asked me out & I said no. I was terrified.

Each year of high school has been the same. I'd talk to a guy this month, make him fall for me, & reject him. As a senior, one of the guys called me a tease, & it was true. I lead them all on & gave them nothing.

I want to change, I want a boyfriend to love everything about me, but I can't. I'm scared to be tied down, & unhappy, kind of like marriage, kind of like my parent's marriage. Their marriage sucks, & I don't want to end up like my mom, unhappy & alone. But if I continue to shoo men, that's exactly what I'll be, literally. I'm terrified & I'm stuck.