So I'm still quite like you, I'm 14, but i've got this horrible fear from love. I like boys and I flirt a lot even if they're just friends but when my crush start liking me back and tries to move me to relationship I get scared, i have a sick feeling inside, fear, panicked and try to get rid of them even if i like him like mad.
My life turns upside down at these situations and it feels like its even hard to breathe. I don't know how i get boys to fall in love with me and when they are really nice to me and give everything they have i want to get them as far as i can from me. i start being mean and rude to them even if i don't mean it, it's just a way how to get them to keep the distance.
I find it really hard to talk about my feelings and i hate it when people say "I love you" to me, it makes me disgusted. i don't even like it when my own mother loves me and says it and I hate to tell her that I love her.
I enjoy being alone and i don't mind not being loved by males. i feel like i could live all my life alone because love brings fear in me and i don't enjoy it, it pressures me. But i don't like to hurt people because of my fear so I don't know how to help myself with this.
I'm really insecure and quiet so people don't get to know me and don't have a chance to get close to me. I'm in fear right now as well because a boy has fallen in love with me but i don't feel anything for him and i don't want relationship, i need space and freedom.
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I get the same feeling as well, yet I am only a tiny bit older than you. It is a stressing situation, I know. But everytime when somebody actually acts nice, I get terrified. I always claim I need love but run away from it. It's lonely.
I always aim for the ones I can't get, and when they actually act nice, I quit the thing and run away. I block them on social websites, shy away and get a new guy I flirt with. I always aim for the ones I don't have.
I think we are alike in some way, I am just soooo scared of the uncertain things. I am not afraid of it, but we are afraid of getting our hearts broken. Agliophobia, that is. I am only willing to do certain things, like solving maths or investing in something safe, something I know I can win. Humans are the most interesting yet complicated things.
I can tell you though, is the option I took. If you really can't change and even try self help, e.g. talking to a psychologist or counsellor about it, but doesn't succeed. Face it, be a player and do whatever you do. Be proud of who you are.
I agree with most of this but i do want to be in a relationship but if someone asks me out i go into a panic attack. Im 13
your children! these feelings are normal if you think theyvaren't then yes seek professional help. Not google, the internet is a plethera of misinformation and you don't need to be self diagnosing yourself with a phobia so obscure it has no real definition. Go talk to a strong female figure in your life, not a teeny bopper friend and not some person from the internet!!!